(no subject)
RESUME
George W. Bush
The White House, USA
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976
for driving under the influence of alcohol.
I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days.
My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is
not available.
MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went
AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug
use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat
duty in Vietnam.
COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C
average. I was a cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland,
Texas, in 1975. I bought
an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in
Texas. The company went
bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a
sweetheart deal that took
land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing
friends in the oil
industry
(including Enron CEO Ken Lay),
I was elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and
oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as
the most smog-ridden
city
in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas
treasury to the tune
of
billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any
governor in Ameri can
history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of
Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court,
I became President after losing by over 500,000
votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter
office with a criminal
record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a
continuing cost of over one
billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively
bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual
deficit in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private
bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures
in a 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in
the history of the
U.S.
stock market.
In my first year in office, over 2 million
Americans lost their jobs and
that trend continues every month.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the
richest of any
administration in U.S. history. My "poorest
millionaire," Condoleeza
Rice,
has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising
trips by a U.S.
President.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder
for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one
of my best friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate
bankruptcy fraud in
U.S.
History, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to
assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court
during my election
decision.
I have protected my friends at Enron and
Halliburton against
investigation
or prosecution. More time and money was spent
investigating the Monica
Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating
one of the biggest
corporate rip-offs in history.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S.
history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil
industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in
U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted
criminals to be awarded
government contracts.
I appointed more convicted criminals to
administration than any
President
in U.S. history.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the
largest bureaucracy in
the
history of the United States government.
I've broken more international treaties than any
President in U.S.
history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have
the United Nations
remove
the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to
U.S. "prisoners of war"
detainees
and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva
Convention.
I am the first President in history to refuse
United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
I set the record for fewest number of press
conferences of any President
since the advent of television.
I set the the all-time record for most days on
vacation in any one-year
period. After taking off the entire month of
August, I presided over
the
worst security failure in U.S. history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after
the World Trade Center
attacks and less than a year later made the U.S.
the most hated country
in
the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in
world history.
I have set the all-time record for most people
worldwide to
simultaneously
protest me in public venues
(15 million people), shattering the record for
protest against any
person
in the history of mankind.
I am t he first President in U.S. history to
order an unprovoked,
pre-emptive attack and the military occupation
of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will
of the United Nations,
the
majority of U.S. citizens, and the world
community
.I have cut health care benefits for war veterans
and support a cut in
duty
benefits for active duty troops and their
families -- in war time.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about
our reasons for attacking
Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British
friends.
I am the first President in history to have a
majority of Europeans
(71%)
view my presidency as the biggest threat to world
peace and security.
I am supporting development of a
nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a
WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to
bring Osama Bin Laden and
Saddam Hussein to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor o f Texas
are now in my father's
library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider
trading and my
bankrupt
companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable
for public view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or
my Vice-President,
attended
regarding public energy policy
are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
review.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN
2004.
PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW
(sorry about the length.. scary shit tho)
George W. Bush
The White House, USA
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976
for driving under the influence of alcohol.
I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days.
My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is
not available.
MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went
AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug
use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat
duty in Vietnam.
COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C
average. I was a cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland,
Texas, in 1975. I bought
an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in
Texas. The company went
bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a
sweetheart deal that took
land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing
friends in the oil
industry
(including Enron CEO Ken Lay),
I was elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and
oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as
the most smog-ridden
city
in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas
treasury to the tune
of
billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any
governor in Ameri can
history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of
Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court,
I became President after losing by over 500,000
votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter
office with a criminal
record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a
continuing cost of over one
billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively
bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual
deficit in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private
bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures
in a 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in
the history of the
U.S.
stock market.
In my first year in office, over 2 million
Americans lost their jobs and
that trend continues every month.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the
richest of any
administration in U.S. history. My "poorest
millionaire," Condoleeza
Rice,
has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising
trips by a U.S.
President.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder
for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one
of my best friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate
bankruptcy fraud in
U.S.
History, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to
assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court
during my election
decision.
I have protected my friends at Enron and
Halliburton against
investigation
or prosecution. More time and money was spent
investigating the Monica
Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating
one of the biggest
corporate rip-offs in history.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S.
history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil
industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in
U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted
criminals to be awarded
government contracts.
I appointed more convicted criminals to
administration than any
President
in U.S. history.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the
largest bureaucracy in
the
history of the United States government.
I've broken more international treaties than any
President in U.S.
history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have
the United Nations
remove
the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to
U.S. "prisoners of war"
detainees
and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva
Convention.
I am the first President in history to refuse
United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
I set the record for fewest number of press
conferences of any President
since the advent of television.
I set the the all-time record for most days on
vacation in any one-year
period. After taking off the entire month of
August, I presided over
the
worst security failure in U.S. history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after
the World Trade Center
attacks and less than a year later made the U.S.
the most hated country
in
the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in
world history.
I have set the all-time record for most people
worldwide to
simultaneously
protest me in public venues
(15 million people), shattering the record for
protest against any
person
in the history of mankind.
I am t he first President in U.S. history to
order an unprovoked,
pre-emptive attack and the military occupation
of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will
of the United Nations,
the
majority of U.S. citizens, and the world
community
.I have cut health care benefits for war veterans
and support a cut in
duty
benefits for active duty troops and their
families -- in war time.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about
our reasons for attacking
Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British
friends.
I am the first President in history to have a
majority of Europeans
(71%)
view my presidency as the biggest threat to world
peace and security.
I am supporting development of a
nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a
WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to
bring Osama Bin Laden and
Saddam Hussein to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor o f Texas
are now in my father's
library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider
trading and my
bankrupt
companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable
for public view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or
my Vice-President,
attended
regarding public energy policy
are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
review.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN
2004.
PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW
(sorry about the length.. scary shit tho)