Rattled, but why?
My mother is in town this week and we were able to hang out for a couple of days this time outside of the shadow of my grandmother's place. For the first time in my life, I have a place where she can stay when she's visiting, so after picking her up from the airport this time, she came to our house... it's a nice feeling.
She says I look a lot more relaxed than she can remember... happy even. She loves the house, says it's very impressive and I should be very proud. My Uncle Tom, one of my role models in life, comes into town tonight and tomorrow will be the first time he gets to see the place... I'm sure he'll say the same.
I'm sleeping a lot better than I can remember, something I noticed last weekend when I realized I had actually slept in for a stretch. Not because I was hung over, or had been up until 3am the night before, or anything like that. I think I'm just not as worried about things now.
Then why am I rattled this morning? Something yesterday that happened at work. Technically, I'm off work since Wednesday so I could entertain my mom and get ready for the party on Saturday, but I'm still checking e-mail since I'm around town. It's just something I do... I like to keep things moving while I'm out and stem the tide of e-mails that can build up while you're out of the office. This way, when I'm back on Monday I don't have to spend the who day cleaning out my inbox.
Anyway, yesterday morning, my new boss sent out some research about paid search advertising, one of the areas I manage. It was all about things we knew already... our competitors have more organic listings, but we get more traffic from our brand, etc. I didn't have this research as a backup because the company wouldn't pay for it, the new guy got it from a friend at another company who was cool enough to run the data. I'm just not sure why he published it... what did it help to send out that information to the big bosses, especially when we were already in the process of fixing the issue. I had been trying to remedy this for two years but wasn't able to get any movement on the project until they switched the entire way we handle programming internally.
Just before I left the office this week, we agreed that it would be a good time to outsource paid search because one of my employees is planning on being out for a month starting next Friday. Plus, she was really an affiliate manager to start with that was handling a small search program. But now that program is larger and we want it to get larger still. I had suggested doing this before Rob got here, but it fell on deaf ears because they didn't want to spend the money.
I guess it just makes me question how well I am doing my job at this company, and if other people are questioning that as well. I'm very good at my job, when I'm allowed to actually perform the duties I'm hired for in the first place. With Napster, it always seems like I'm covering for other people or having to change direction at a moments notice. No real chance to get the programs I think will help moving.
It may be an authority thing, not being a VP. When Rob was brought on, the COO kept talking about what a search expert he was, which is funny since I'm on the board of directors for the largest search conference in the world. He knows just enough to be dangerous, as he says. He does ask the right questions, and I always have the right answers, so I feel like I'm heading down the right path... but there's something odd feeling about all this.
I could be paranoid, but there is just this feeling that things are changing behind the scenes. In my darkest moments, it makes me wonder if I'm slowly being talked out of my own job. Plus, with all the talk about the company's stock and what have you, you can't help but worry that all this newfound happiness is on the brink.
Even with my happiness about the new boss lately, I've still be keeping an eye out for a new gig... you never know. And I have money in the bank for emergencies... house payments can still be made and so forth. Plus, most importantly, I'm not alone in all of this anymore.
What a downer I can be sometimes. I guess everyone worries about things. Everyone can be a little suspicious of things when they are going so well. But I guess I'd just like a break from that for once... let me have a stretch where things really are OK. Let me have a moment where I really am happy.
Or maybe I just need to let myself have a moment where I really am happy.
J.
She says I look a lot more relaxed than she can remember... happy even. She loves the house, says it's very impressive and I should be very proud. My Uncle Tom, one of my role models in life, comes into town tonight and tomorrow will be the first time he gets to see the place... I'm sure he'll say the same.
I'm sleeping a lot better than I can remember, something I noticed last weekend when I realized I had actually slept in for a stretch. Not because I was hung over, or had been up until 3am the night before, or anything like that. I think I'm just not as worried about things now.
Then why am I rattled this morning? Something yesterday that happened at work. Technically, I'm off work since Wednesday so I could entertain my mom and get ready for the party on Saturday, but I'm still checking e-mail since I'm around town. It's just something I do... I like to keep things moving while I'm out and stem the tide of e-mails that can build up while you're out of the office. This way, when I'm back on Monday I don't have to spend the who day cleaning out my inbox.
Anyway, yesterday morning, my new boss sent out some research about paid search advertising, one of the areas I manage. It was all about things we knew already... our competitors have more organic listings, but we get more traffic from our brand, etc. I didn't have this research as a backup because the company wouldn't pay for it, the new guy got it from a friend at another company who was cool enough to run the data. I'm just not sure why he published it... what did it help to send out that information to the big bosses, especially when we were already in the process of fixing the issue. I had been trying to remedy this for two years but wasn't able to get any movement on the project until they switched the entire way we handle programming internally.
Just before I left the office this week, we agreed that it would be a good time to outsource paid search because one of my employees is planning on being out for a month starting next Friday. Plus, she was really an affiliate manager to start with that was handling a small search program. But now that program is larger and we want it to get larger still. I had suggested doing this before Rob got here, but it fell on deaf ears because they didn't want to spend the money.
I guess it just makes me question how well I am doing my job at this company, and if other people are questioning that as well. I'm very good at my job, when I'm allowed to actually perform the duties I'm hired for in the first place. With Napster, it always seems like I'm covering for other people or having to change direction at a moments notice. No real chance to get the programs I think will help moving.
It may be an authority thing, not being a VP. When Rob was brought on, the COO kept talking about what a search expert he was, which is funny since I'm on the board of directors for the largest search conference in the world. He knows just enough to be dangerous, as he says. He does ask the right questions, and I always have the right answers, so I feel like I'm heading down the right path... but there's something odd feeling about all this.
I could be paranoid, but there is just this feeling that things are changing behind the scenes. In my darkest moments, it makes me wonder if I'm slowly being talked out of my own job. Plus, with all the talk about the company's stock and what have you, you can't help but worry that all this newfound happiness is on the brink.
Even with my happiness about the new boss lately, I've still be keeping an eye out for a new gig... you never know. And I have money in the bank for emergencies... house payments can still be made and so forth. Plus, most importantly, I'm not alone in all of this anymore.
What a downer I can be sometimes. I guess everyone worries about things. Everyone can be a little suspicious of things when they are going so well. But I guess I'd just like a break from that for once... let me have a stretch where things really are OK. Let me have a moment where I really am happy.
Or maybe I just need to let myself have a moment where I really am happy.
J.