(no subject)
last night i couldn't sleep. you were on my mind. relax. i cried. this is an emergency, your causing so much commotion. and im confused. i wanted to get up, run to you, sleep in your bed. even if we didn't have sex. i'd hold you tight, you'd make me feel important, oh, how i want to be important to you. i hate being second best. im breathless. my heart races at the thoughts (of you) that take over my soul. your perfect. and thats when im realizing that you'd never want me like i want you. and maybe you just don't get it. how can you look at me after all we've been through and not have any feelings? i want to be the girl you can't live without. i'd ruin everything if i told you what my heart holds. im bleeding. take this knife from my heart, and i don't want to hear your name. your taken. taken by life. and i hate it. [shes so cute] and im so jealous.[i'll hide it you know] i'm playing this role, if you only knew. i just want to forget you sometimes. but i love you. in love with you. i just dont know how to tell you. im broken. let me wake up from this lonliness. and if not, just let me sleep. so i don't have to think about you, but dream of you instead. this is an on going cycle of being the girl that [no one] loves. such a hopeless romantic. i'd give you everything, i swear to God i'd do whatever you want. a slave to love? i wouldn't go that far. and it hurts me so much. i swear i'm going crazy, and your the one thing that keeps me sane. so intoxicate me, if that means i can kiss you. let me kiss you. let me touch you. let me love you. it means everything to me, and nothing to you. oh, how i love the thrill. lets go to the beach, i'll be the pearl you'll find in the crystal water. i'm all yours. just gimme a chance. and im lost at sea. and i just want to forget you. but everything reminds me of you. no one will listen to me as your name falls from my lips. and i get those butterflies in my stomach. and you look so damn cute tonight. im in awe. and everyone says "sara, get over it, he doesn't like you". deaf ears; it's my fault because i can't give up. i gave you away once, and i can't do it again. i hated myself for letting you go. i lost my only chance. focus. and i don't know what happened. i want to run for the hills. give me a fucking break. could you live without me? [no] and you think of me just as much [as i think of you.] your dancing around the truth. it's sick. you can pretend all you want to be; "just friends". telling me of life; of her. exactly. you'll be the one to stop me from getting married, ya know? and you'll talk me out of making big mistakes, moving. and you tell me that "he's not good enough for you", but you won't be the one to be good enough. and you've got my head spinning and you [easily] change my mind all the time. and your words echo in my head. everything you say impacts me more then you'll ever know. something simple. even a "hello". its everything i need to keep going. and i'm sick. give me medicine. something. give me you. make me numb. you just don't get it. [either do i] with just one look, i'm gone. i've been brainwashed, and your the reason. i'm exactly where you want me, and i can't stand it. help me find love so i can forget you. i don't want to forget you, i lied. as i write the words "just friends" and you couldn't fall in love if you tried. im not making any sense. and i cry. i need more. your like my drug. my addiction. and i can't stop. and i just want to see you. even if it meant it were the last time. i just want to feel you next to me. i want to read all your pages. and finish the story with a happy ending of you and i. it's not pleasant; wanting you. i'm fighting myself; oh, i love the attention. this is the center. and i need to push my way out. kiss me. so i can sleep. so i can be with you in my dreams. im exactly where i need to be to keep you so close. yet so far away. i fucking died last night [thinking of you.]