April 25, 2005
April 25, 2005....A day that I will always look back on and think of as the worst day in my entire life. Jen died that day. I have never in my life loved someone as much as I loved, and still do love her. It was so terrible, I never imagined anything so terrible happening, but it did. It was a Monday, and I was at work. I had been trying to call her all day to apologize for fighting with her the night before and she wasnt answering her phone. I was working from 12 untill 8 that day. At 6 o'clock, I got a call from JF at 6, and she was so hysterical I couldnt understand her so she put A on the phone and all she said was she thinks Jen is dead. I left work so fast my staff had no idea what was going on. I was hysterical driving home, and trying to call all the hospitals to find her because the cops wouldnt tell JF, A or RL anything. I finally found her, and I got there and the nurse comes out and tells me that she is going to bring me into the other room for the doctor to come talk to me. I told her no, just tell me if she is alive. She asked me to sit down and I didnt want to and she just looked at me and said "No she isnt, Im so sorry" never in my life have I ever screamed so loud, and I just dropped to the floor. Just that weekend, she had been in the same hospital for seizures and they released her, not knowing what was causing them, but they sent her home. While she was in there she told me how she had made a mistake with JF and was still in love with me and always has been and asked to move back home. I told her that I would never even consider taking her back untill she was clean. I love her, more than anything, she is my wife, but all I wanted was for her to be clean. I asked the nurse to go in and see her....she looked like she was sleeping. The only things that showed she wasnt was that she was cold and they had to intubate her and the tube was still in her mouth. I just screamed and layed on her crying. She promised that she would never leave, that she would always be there for me, that I would never have to be alone. I just cried, cried on Jen, cried in the nurses arms. I finally asked for a face cloth so that I could wash her face off. I just kept yelling at her to wake up, that this wasnt a funny joke.
When I left work, I called Ray, who is the girl that I started seeing when Jen moved out. She met me at the hospital, and if it wasnt for her walking into the room when she did, I would have collappsed and hit the floor. I was the only one who knew, A, RL and JF didnt know, none of our friends, her family. Noone. After a little while A and RL got there, and I just walked out crying and shaking my head no, and A started saying no, no and crying. This cant be happening I kept telling myself, the hospital sent her home and said she was fine and safe. In her file it said that she was a recovering drug addict, who sends a recovering drug addict home with 30mg of oxy morphine a day and 8mg of klonapin?? I stayed with her for almost an hour, and then I left to go tell her family. That whole night is still so foggy to me, I remeber bits and peices starting with while I was at the hospital. Ray drove me, because she wouldnt let me drive myself, I could barely walk.
Telling ma and my sister in law was the hardest thing I could have done. Jen was their baby, only 27 years old. I got there about 9 pm, and rang my sister in law Lisa's doorbell. My brother in law answered and I went to their bedroom and started crying. I told her that there had been an accident and that everything was done to help, but that Jen was gone. She started screaming. My mother in law lives downstairs and she went down there crying and yelling. She called the hospital and heard it from them and started calling the family. I dont remeber much of that night, I can tell you who was there and that there was more crying that I have ever done. I remember going to get her things at 3 in the morning, but thats about it...... I cant do this right now, I got to go.
When I left work, I called Ray, who is the girl that I started seeing when Jen moved out. She met me at the hospital, and if it wasnt for her walking into the room when she did, I would have collappsed and hit the floor. I was the only one who knew, A, RL and JF didnt know, none of our friends, her family. Noone. After a little while A and RL got there, and I just walked out crying and shaking my head no, and A started saying no, no and crying. This cant be happening I kept telling myself, the hospital sent her home and said she was fine and safe. In her file it said that she was a recovering drug addict, who sends a recovering drug addict home with 30mg of oxy morphine a day and 8mg of klonapin?? I stayed with her for almost an hour, and then I left to go tell her family. That whole night is still so foggy to me, I remeber bits and peices starting with while I was at the hospital. Ray drove me, because she wouldnt let me drive myself, I could barely walk.
Telling ma and my sister in law was the hardest thing I could have done. Jen was their baby, only 27 years old. I got there about 9 pm, and rang my sister in law Lisa's doorbell. My brother in law answered and I went to their bedroom and started crying. I told her that there had been an accident and that everything was done to help, but that Jen was gone. She started screaming. My mother in law lives downstairs and she went down there crying and yelling. She called the hospital and heard it from them and started calling the family. I dont remeber much of that night, I can tell you who was there and that there was more crying that I have ever done. I remember going to get her things at 3 in the morning, but thats about it...... I cant do this right now, I got to go.