WOW
I just read through a majority of my entries 5 years after writing them. I make fun of high school kids who act like that!
One thing I have discovered and attempt to deal with is the feeling of never being good enough. Throughout my entries I apologize for my feelings, I'm unclear and unproductive. Now I am typically the same way in my journal entries...in a blue notebook for only the Lord to read. But I understand more things now. Like the fact that all along in high school I was my wosrt critic. I thought harshly of myself, thought I was dumb & ugly. And now I reap the efforts of the way I treated myself. What a great wake-up call! Myself. I'm so glad I am not stuck. I am so thankful for progression and maturity. And most of all I am thankful for the Lord directing and guiding my hopes, dreams and desires to make me love who I am and what I do today.
So now I'm off to do more grown up things. Like study to be a teacher in my 4th year of college, work, prepare the house I'm moving into and be supportive of my family. That's all I hope to do- is let others know that I love them. I don't want to go through another day selfishly analyzing all details to work out for personal benefit. When will I change? The time is now!
I love reflection. I hate that I was so lame, but reading this helps me to remember what my first heart break was like and how I needed to express it. I see that my life and main concerns were wrapped around school, colorguard, church & friends. Not much has changed, except I think about the world more and how I can help people. I love to encourage & support.
Ok goodbye livejournal. And maybe in ten years I'll refelect again.