first of many downpours
why are people so lame. we're in high school- we don't need drama we have enough to deal with. i hate people who talk shit- it's making me mad. please don't yell at me. life isn't all a big rush and i hate how everybody can't stop and appreciate things for 2 seconds. it's all about them,and what they can do for themselves. idk whatever. one day i want to just tell everyone what they mean to me, or what they meant to me. but not how they've hurt me. life isn't about the bad things- it's about the good. no you don't always get glorified for the good things that happen to you in life. movie stars sure do- but if you see a man walking and another bleeding like crazy with his leg gone who will you stop and wonder about? the man with a fault. but why do people care to destroy your life over something bad that happened by talking about it or making it worse by yelling at you. just to let everyone know- yelling never solves anything. unless you're deaf. and in the last month or so i wish i was cuz then that would give people an excuse to yell at me. yes, sometimes i deserve it. but sometimes people are out of line. for some reason i get emotionally overwhelmed when that happens and i just cry. it might not have been the ones yelling at me to make me cry- but the events that happened before. the next time you get angry at someone, you should really stop and think 'is this necessary?' that leads to my parents. i'm being a hypocrite right now cuz i yell at them all the tim e 4 no reason or at things that aren't a big deal. and i know i shouldnt. it's my way of getting anger out- and i'm working on another. there's just grudges that i have against them that are constant and if they're forgiven, well i wont go into all that. sometimes- and i know people might think this sounds cocky- but i think i know what's best for myself. theyve made mistakes for my life that are unforgiveable from my point of view. no not stupid stuff like not letting me go to homecoming, but the way i live. it's hard to explain just trust me it makes sense. i've had to grow up by myself but yet i'm so dependable on others. i thnk it's because i had to find others to learn to lean on. I PUT TO MUCH INTO OTHER RELATIONSHIPS AND ON RARE OCCASIONS DO I GET THE SAME BACK. i need to be trusted- it's who i am. i need people to need me. i think that that way of life came with the way my mom is. and my dad. i'm to like him which is a shame at times. i respect my father tho. i just- see others and see what i want for my life- and it's not stupid stuff.
i can't wait till i go to college.
but at the same time- i hate growing up and realizing all the hard things in life. i see a breakdown with criticism from myself about my life coming very soon.