Pass the Pennies
I hate pennies. There are a bunch of them in random slots of my cupholder in my car where they collect everything from barbecue sauce to a jizz like substance. The only time I use them is at the drive thru. So, I had this idea of helping people and making money at the same time. I would start a "keep the pennies" program in my shitty, I mean city, of Buffalo. I mean seriously, it was just voted to cut school nurses, and close ALL 52 public libraries in the City, as well as a bunch of other cuts. I guess this is the first step in dissolving the city. So anyway, back to my idea. Anywhere people shop, when they pay with cash, the cashier would ask "Can we keep your pennies?" or some kind of catchy slogan such as "Pass the penny?" or "Penny for my thoughts?" or something like that. You know, for the kids. How many people would say no, except for old people and J-Bags, and Old J-Bags? Then, all the pennies go into a fund to help the homeless or the illiterate, or elephantitis of the nuts or some other worthy cause. And for me? I would only keep like a fraction of a percent, to pay for collecting the money, cans, jars, signage and startup costs, and a little pay for my "work". Myself alone, I would have at least 100 pennies right now to give. Multiply that by the ever dwindling population of this city, and it could work out very famously, or so I think. Kind of the take a penny leave a penny, but on a grand scale, and without the take a penny. That's my job, damnit! So, if you want to send me some pennies, I will give you my mailing address.