Update that isn't really.
Once again, I have been remiss in updating. Now I'm here and eljay has changed and it all looks weird. Ugh. Oh look, there's a "switch to old version" link! Ah, much better.
People keep asking me how I'm doing and I just don't know how to answer. I'm alright, but then I'm not. Things are going... badly. But I'm handling it? And that makes me proud, and relieved, because in the past this stuff might literally have killed me, so coping with it all kind of boosts my general happiness levels. But then a lot of things do really suck for me right now. I can't find ways to talk about what's going on with me. It's private and it's difficult and it would be disrespectful of me to talk too much about secrets that belong to other people too. So overall I'm doing alright, I guess. It's just messy and complicated and sad and difficult.
Anyway, there are at least some things I can talk about that are going on with me. I dropped out of the prac for my dip ed because I was miserable. I'll probably go back and finish it next year. I guess. Maybe. I don't want to be a teacher, but relief work would be a good way to earn money. It pays better than customer service, and it wouldn't be any more irritating and frustrating, so it would probably be worthwhile.
For the last two weeks I've been staying with my in-laws at their place in a small town in NSW. It's beautiful here, and the weather's been lovely. As far as visiting my in-laws goes, this has been a fairly pleasant experience; Mark isn't butting heads with his dad as much as usual, and most of the time the shit they're watching on tv is stuff that I like too. But then, they do spend most of their time watching tv and that is pretty dull for me. Thank goodness I have a laptop and an internet connection! There have also been other things going on that have made the visit stressful in different ways than usual, but that's where I'd have to start getting into all that messy complicated stuff, and also other people's concerns that they're quite private about, and then other messy complicated things too...
We're here until the 3rd of January, when we'll take the coach up to Sydney, and then something exciting happens: we're off to Fiji! Our volunteer group is arriving there on the 5th. I'm looking forward to doing something different, and hopefully Making A Difference (am I too naive? I hope not), and it should be pretty awesome.
Did that sound as lackluster as I'm actually feeling though? No matter how much I remind myself that this should be really great, the other stuff that's going on in my life is dragging me down. It's not stuff I can escape on holiday, or in doing work, or any other way. Not really sure how to resolve it either.
Things are not as they should be.
People keep asking me how I'm doing and I just don't know how to answer. I'm alright, but then I'm not. Things are going... badly. But I'm handling it? And that makes me proud, and relieved, because in the past this stuff might literally have killed me, so coping with it all kind of boosts my general happiness levels. But then a lot of things do really suck for me right now. I can't find ways to talk about what's going on with me. It's private and it's difficult and it would be disrespectful of me to talk too much about secrets that belong to other people too. So overall I'm doing alright, I guess. It's just messy and complicated and sad and difficult.
Anyway, there are at least some things I can talk about that are going on with me. I dropped out of the prac for my dip ed because I was miserable. I'll probably go back and finish it next year. I guess. Maybe. I don't want to be a teacher, but relief work would be a good way to earn money. It pays better than customer service, and it wouldn't be any more irritating and frustrating, so it would probably be worthwhile.
For the last two weeks I've been staying with my in-laws at their place in a small town in NSW. It's beautiful here, and the weather's been lovely. As far as visiting my in-laws goes, this has been a fairly pleasant experience; Mark isn't butting heads with his dad as much as usual, and most of the time the shit they're watching on tv is stuff that I like too. But then, they do spend most of their time watching tv and that is pretty dull for me. Thank goodness I have a laptop and an internet connection! There have also been other things going on that have made the visit stressful in different ways than usual, but that's where I'd have to start getting into all that messy complicated stuff, and also other people's concerns that they're quite private about, and then other messy complicated things too...
We're here until the 3rd of January, when we'll take the coach up to Sydney, and then something exciting happens: we're off to Fiji! Our volunteer group is arriving there on the 5th. I'm looking forward to doing something different, and hopefully Making A Difference (am I too naive? I hope not), and it should be pretty awesome.
Did that sound as lackluster as I'm actually feeling though? No matter how much I remind myself that this should be really great, the other stuff that's going on in my life is dragging me down. It's not stuff I can escape on holiday, or in doing work, or any other way. Not really sure how to resolve it either.
Things are not as they should be.