My love letter to fandom and you
(I'm doing china_shop's fandom appreciation challenge on my bandom journal, but I wanted to also post my letter here. Because this is to you as well.)
Dear Fandom,
Thanks for always being there. You and I have been through a few versions of ourselves since we started, Fandom: me being an idiot kid role playing with friends in basements and writing notes about insane Mary Sues instead of pre-algebra, you being Saturday morning action shows; me being a socially awkward teenager, you being anything science fiction and fantasy and magic realism; me being a socially awkward adult, you being smelly boys in bands. It's been a bumpy road, Fandom, but I've always known I could depend on you when all the characters I could dream up weren't as much fun to play with, when I needed to find other people who wanted to hear what I have to say, when I needed a break from the real world. It's been you and me, Fandom, even when I've taken side roads with Knitting and chilled for awhile with Laziness.
I've had the privilege of meeting some of my best friends through you, Fandom. People who read my words when I cut my miserable little self open for dissection, who listened to what I had to say and heard it even when it was ugly and self-indulgent and self-conscious. Who said, "Me too," to whom I could say, "Me too," with text when our voices always seemed to catch in our throats. Knowing that there really were people out there who felt like me, that there are people who even like me--even if they're across the country or across the world--made my formative years a hell of a lot more bearable. I don't think I would've met people to open up to if it hadn't been for you, Fandom, and I don't know what it would've been like without that when I needed it. You're always there when I need it.
I've had the privilege of meeting some of the smartest, fiercest, sassiest, most incredible women through you, Fandom. Women in different points in their lives, from completely different parts of the world, all of them women who teach me more about the person I want to be. Even the bad times (the wank and the hurt feelings, the whole new venue for self-consciousness and second guessing) I've learned a hell of a lot: how to stand up for what I believe in, how to say I'm sorry, that sometimes I have to step back from a fight, to question rather than accept and to not be afraid to explain myself. Yeah, I'm a work in progress and I would probably get the same things in my life from somewhere else, but I'm glad I've had you to do these things with, Fandom.
That's sappy, Fandom, I know. Even though this entire letter is incredibly sappy, this is the thing giving me cause for hesitation--I still wonder what people will think if they see this part of me. But it's the truth. The pleasure of interacting on an openly creative level with a wider demographic of people than just those friends I might have made when I was at school or in a more meaningful way than passing conversations at work has been one of the best things about our relationship, Fandom, and there are so many good things about it.
I could go on, but I could also be asleep like anyone sensible who has their alarm set at the hour I do. But I just wanted to say, Fandom, that you're the best hobby ever. Thank you for all of the voices I've heard because of you, for all the times I've found that "me too" moment, for all the incredible stories and art and good times. Thank you, Fandom. Best hobby ever.
♥♥♥
Me
And another one:
Dear flist,
Thank you for making me feel loved and accepted and challenged. Thank you for giving me a community to belong to. Thank you for being so awesome and such stunningly talented and beautiful human beings. Thank you for sticking with me through every horrible and wonderful moment of my life. Thank you for caring about my thoughts on fandoms we had in common. Thank you for listening when my mom was dying and everything was miserable. Thank you for listening now when I can't find a job and life still seems pretty miserable. Thank you for putting up with my dork ass long enough to help me learn the things I need to know about the kind of woman I want to be. Thank you to anyone who's touched my life and gone, thank you to everyone who's still hanging around. Thank you for being part of the niche I dug for myself to belong.
So long and thanks for all the fish.
With so very much love,
Me. Who is so going to bed right this very second because tomorrow morning is going to be painful enough as it is.
Dear Fandom,
Thanks for always being there. You and I have been through a few versions of ourselves since we started, Fandom: me being an idiot kid role playing with friends in basements and writing notes about insane Mary Sues instead of pre-algebra, you being Saturday morning action shows; me being a socially awkward teenager, you being anything science fiction and fantasy and magic realism; me being a socially awkward adult, you being smelly boys in bands. It's been a bumpy road, Fandom, but I've always known I could depend on you when all the characters I could dream up weren't as much fun to play with, when I needed to find other people who wanted to hear what I have to say, when I needed a break from the real world. It's been you and me, Fandom, even when I've taken side roads with Knitting and chilled for awhile with Laziness.
I've had the privilege of meeting some of my best friends through you, Fandom. People who read my words when I cut my miserable little self open for dissection, who listened to what I had to say and heard it even when it was ugly and self-indulgent and self-conscious. Who said, "Me too," to whom I could say, "Me too," with text when our voices always seemed to catch in our throats. Knowing that there really were people out there who felt like me, that there are people who even like me--even if they're across the country or across the world--made my formative years a hell of a lot more bearable. I don't think I would've met people to open up to if it hadn't been for you, Fandom, and I don't know what it would've been like without that when I needed it. You're always there when I need it.
I've had the privilege of meeting some of the smartest, fiercest, sassiest, most incredible women through you, Fandom. Women in different points in their lives, from completely different parts of the world, all of them women who teach me more about the person I want to be. Even the bad times (the wank and the hurt feelings, the whole new venue for self-consciousness and second guessing) I've learned a hell of a lot: how to stand up for what I believe in, how to say I'm sorry, that sometimes I have to step back from a fight, to question rather than accept and to not be afraid to explain myself. Yeah, I'm a work in progress and I would probably get the same things in my life from somewhere else, but I'm glad I've had you to do these things with, Fandom.
That's sappy, Fandom, I know. Even though this entire letter is incredibly sappy, this is the thing giving me cause for hesitation--I still wonder what people will think if they see this part of me. But it's the truth. The pleasure of interacting on an openly creative level with a wider demographic of people than just those friends I might have made when I was at school or in a more meaningful way than passing conversations at work has been one of the best things about our relationship, Fandom, and there are so many good things about it.
I could go on, but I could also be asleep like anyone sensible who has their alarm set at the hour I do. But I just wanted to say, Fandom, that you're the best hobby ever. Thank you for all of the voices I've heard because of you, for all the times I've found that "me too" moment, for all the incredible stories and art and good times. Thank you, Fandom. Best hobby ever.
♥♥♥
Me
And another one:
Dear flist,
Thank you for making me feel loved and accepted and challenged. Thank you for giving me a community to belong to. Thank you for being so awesome and such stunningly talented and beautiful human beings. Thank you for sticking with me through every horrible and wonderful moment of my life. Thank you for caring about my thoughts on fandoms we had in common. Thank you for listening when my mom was dying and everything was miserable. Thank you for listening now when I can't find a job and life still seems pretty miserable. Thank you for putting up with my dork ass long enough to help me learn the things I need to know about the kind of woman I want to be. Thank you to anyone who's touched my life and gone, thank you to everyone who's still hanging around. Thank you for being part of the niche I dug for myself to belong.
So long and thanks for all the fish.
With so very much love,
Me. Who is so going to bed right this very second because tomorrow morning is going to be painful enough as it is.