(no subject)
i don't have anything relatively bright to talk about. i don't want to use broad words like "everything" and "always" because i don't want to exaggerate anything more than i should.
but lately it has been difficult to maintain optimism, and i think i have grown to be a more optimistic person :)
but my surroundings and my choices hinder me from doing so. for example, my mother only tries to protect me, and this angers me because i simply want to destroy myself. i am upset with her but in actuality, it's only me. another example, my boyfriend had cheated on me with two other girls, but i usually receive what i deserve. we're not happy anymore. sometimes love is not enough. i miss my nasal cartilage. i sometimes wish i had never touched cigarettes or drugs, because now i have a consistent cough, different-shaped nostrils, and lower level of serotonin. sometimes i want to die, but that's ok with me because i'll never act on in. i can't say whether i lack the courage or the cowardice.
but lately it has been difficult to maintain optimism, and i think i have grown to be a more optimistic person :)
but my surroundings and my choices hinder me from doing so. for example, my mother only tries to protect me, and this angers me because i simply want to destroy myself. i am upset with her but in actuality, it's only me. another example, my boyfriend had cheated on me with two other girls, but i usually receive what i deserve. we're not happy anymore. sometimes love is not enough. i miss my nasal cartilage. i sometimes wish i had never touched cigarettes or drugs, because now i have a consistent cough, different-shaped nostrils, and lower level of serotonin. sometimes i want to die, but that's ok with me because i'll never act on in. i can't say whether i lack the courage or the cowardice.