it was there if you ever wanted it... but would you care to know if it still remains?
it's amazing how much joy is derived from knowing that someone is smiling for you.
not a forced smile, not a fake smile, not an cynical smile, not a smile meant to deceive... a genuine smile spurred from a genuine emotion. and it seems to me that genuine emotion is a hard thing to come by these days.
pure emotion that is real is beautiful to me. it's beautiful and refreshing. it's like a merciful absolution amidst all the chaos i'm surrounded in. and i suppose i would mean the daily chaos of getting smothered in deadlines and errands and phonecalls to strangers and artificial correspondence and the facade we all don for each other and all the while having no clue how you are actually feeling. so we don't know how anyone else really feels either. we just make it up as we go along.
i mean, i guess i need to put it into simile, like i always have to do. and this corrolation may not relay to you exactly what i'm feeling, but it works for me, so try and understand as well as you can, there's no penalty fee if you can't...
one day in the fall last year, my sister was absolutely bent on taking me out into the middle of nowhere to this breathtaking abandoned house. the owners had simply walked out the door back in the late 50s and left everything - clothing, furniture, right down to bottles of nailpolish and palettes of rouge. there is more to the story about this house and why it was deserted like that, but i'll save that for another day. (or maybe just ask if you want to know). So i (gingerly) crept up the narrow stairway to explore and just stood there looking around and felt this sense of emptiness. when i returned to descend the stair case there was this immensely powerful rushing current of cold air that was flowing up freely from the first floor... i mean it felt like a narrow windtunnel, but that feeling was so invigorating that i've never forgotten that moment. now days connecting with a genuine emotion is that sort of re-energizing experience...just, it hits your whole body at the same exact moment and it's like a release. a forgiveness. a truth.
i get caught up in these things, because i'm always looking for connections. i have this need for connections and abstract corrolations and relationships between events and thoughts and words. i am driven by this desire for connections. sometimes they fall into my lap, sometimes i have to look hard, and sometimes i unknowingly just make them up. at times i feel like it gives me a sense of direction. makes me feel like i'm meant to be here. some days it's a curse.
I'll always try to look you in the eye...
not a forced smile, not a fake smile, not an cynical smile, not a smile meant to deceive... a genuine smile spurred from a genuine emotion. and it seems to me that genuine emotion is a hard thing to come by these days.
pure emotion that is real is beautiful to me. it's beautiful and refreshing. it's like a merciful absolution amidst all the chaos i'm surrounded in. and i suppose i would mean the daily chaos of getting smothered in deadlines and errands and phonecalls to strangers and artificial correspondence and the facade we all don for each other and all the while having no clue how you are actually feeling. so we don't know how anyone else really feels either. we just make it up as we go along.
i mean, i guess i need to put it into simile, like i always have to do. and this corrolation may not relay to you exactly what i'm feeling, but it works for me, so try and understand as well as you can, there's no penalty fee if you can't...
one day in the fall last year, my sister was absolutely bent on taking me out into the middle of nowhere to this breathtaking abandoned house. the owners had simply walked out the door back in the late 50s and left everything - clothing, furniture, right down to bottles of nailpolish and palettes of rouge. there is more to the story about this house and why it was deserted like that, but i'll save that for another day. (or maybe just ask if you want to know). So i (gingerly) crept up the narrow stairway to explore and just stood there looking around and felt this sense of emptiness. when i returned to descend the stair case there was this immensely powerful rushing current of cold air that was flowing up freely from the first floor... i mean it felt like a narrow windtunnel, but that feeling was so invigorating that i've never forgotten that moment. now days connecting with a genuine emotion is that sort of re-energizing experience...just, it hits your whole body at the same exact moment and it's like a release. a forgiveness. a truth.
i get caught up in these things, because i'm always looking for connections. i have this need for connections and abstract corrolations and relationships between events and thoughts and words. i am driven by this desire for connections. sometimes they fall into my lap, sometimes i have to look hard, and sometimes i unknowingly just make them up. at times i feel like it gives me a sense of direction. makes me feel like i'm meant to be here. some days it's a curse.
I'll always try to look you in the eye...