You Spend All Your Life
It's weird when you wake up first thing in the morning and the first person to come to mind is the person you love. Which isn't really all that weird considering they're the person you love. People spend their whole lives looking for someone that makes them complete. Not equal. . .because equal is saying you're not one, you're just on the same level. I don't want to be on the same level as the one I love. In some circumstances, yes, it's good to be on the same level. But when it comes to love, you want someone to make you complete. You want someone to make you feel whole. I do at least.
You spend all of your days wondering when you'll find the one that's right for you. And when you find that one, you never want to let go. You become the best you can be, you do the best you can do, and you hold on. . . never wanting to let go. Just knowing the consequences of letting go. . .makes you cringe. Knowing if you didn't hold on no matter what, everything would slip between your fingers. Then you would find yourself sitting alone in the middle of the night above the covers, knowing it's below freezing in your room, even with just a pair of shorts and a muscle shirt. Thinking to your self about the things you should have done and how you wish you could do it all over again to try to make it turn out different. Then you'd realize you can't. What's done is done and it's over with. So what's the point in worring about it now? There is no point to anyone else. Only you. Because no one else knows how it makes you feel. Because they're not there and they're not you. Then you realize that even though it's already happened, there's still something you can do about it. You can make things better. By just changing. By not asking so much of someone else. Even though you love the fact that they do things for you and are willing to do the things they do for you. Yet you still find yourself crying because you feel like they. . . "hate" you for doing some of the things you do. For always asking so much of them. For always depending on them. But what they don't know, is that you can't help it. You really can't. Because you've never had anyone in your life you could count on. You have never had a person to be there for you and make you feel the way you do. And now that you have someone that does those things for you and will always be there, you seem to take advantage of it. Which makes you feel worse. I love the fact that he does the things he does for me. I mean I really do. He has no idea how much it means to me. Considering i'm not use to it. Which, in my opinion, is why I ask so much of him. I don't know. Maybe all of this just sounds stupid. Does it. . . .? Well even if it doesn't I'm still going to quit writing because I think it makes me sound crazy and stupid.
Valarie
You spend all of your days wondering when you'll find the one that's right for you. And when you find that one, you never want to let go. You become the best you can be, you do the best you can do, and you hold on. . . never wanting to let go. Just knowing the consequences of letting go. . .makes you cringe. Knowing if you didn't hold on no matter what, everything would slip between your fingers. Then you would find yourself sitting alone in the middle of the night above the covers, knowing it's below freezing in your room, even with just a pair of shorts and a muscle shirt. Thinking to your self about the things you should have done and how you wish you could do it all over again to try to make it turn out different. Then you'd realize you can't. What's done is done and it's over with. So what's the point in worring about it now? There is no point to anyone else. Only you. Because no one else knows how it makes you feel. Because they're not there and they're not you. Then you realize that even though it's already happened, there's still something you can do about it. You can make things better. By just changing. By not asking so much of someone else. Even though you love the fact that they do things for you and are willing to do the things they do for you. Yet you still find yourself crying because you feel like they. . . "hate" you for doing some of the things you do. For always asking so much of them. For always depending on them. But what they don't know, is that you can't help it. You really can't. Because you've never had anyone in your life you could count on. You have never had a person to be there for you and make you feel the way you do. And now that you have someone that does those things for you and will always be there, you seem to take advantage of it. Which makes you feel worse. I love the fact that he does the things he does for me. I mean I really do. He has no idea how much it means to me. Considering i'm not use to it. Which, in my opinion, is why I ask so much of him. I don't know. Maybe all of this just sounds stupid. Does it. . . .? Well even if it doesn't I'm still going to quit writing because I think it makes me sound crazy and stupid.
Valarie