Serious Harshing of My Mellow
All right--before I get into this post, I want to first shake my fist at live journal as whenever I WANT it to put in my saved draft from before, it never does... and when I've simply written something about the weather and can of peas, it's there when I bring up the entry screen. I don't understaaaaaaaaaand...
This all means that the past two posts I was meticulously writing are not here. See, I wanted to tell you all how glad I am to have you and my days were looking very bright.
So let's re-examine...
I got an awesome comment from Bree!! I wuv my Bwee... and I got to chat with her and laugh and laugh and laugh. MAN I really hope to see her (that means YOU!!) in CO!!!
I got kidnapped in school by the special ed teacher AT school and taken to a reeeeeeeeeeally nice onsen for a "class fieldtrip".. for free!
I went to Meiji-Mura (Meiji Village) with my J-Mama!
I had a good couple weeks and weekends hanging out with my homeboys Daniel and Ryan (and their ladies).
I got a Thanksgiving package from Mom and Dad that had two brownie mixes, stove top stuffing, warm fuzzy socks, and various T-Day decorations and napkins in it!!
So... I had a big potluck dinner at my place with said homeboys (later to be joined by Yuka) at which we all stuffed ourselves into the dreamy "food-coma" like state.
My supervisor basically agreed with me that my school situation is NOT good, and they will try to do something to make it better! Whoo!!
I got to do video chat with my sister and parents and even aunt and uncle whom I haven't seen in what seems like ages!
I got my second letter from Shin!!! And in it is a big red paper heart with a trademark Shin Smiley Face on it. Awwwwwww....
It's been a good couple of weeks. I've been trying to write it all down to let you all know how very much appreciated you are, but I didn't want to post it yet because it "wasn't good enough." Thus it got erased. *hangs head*
So thank you! *love love love love love beams*
Ok, now onto the harshing of my mellow...
Because I was going to post about it earlier but didn't know how, but I just got off the phone with Daniel and I feel much clearer in my head about it now.
Ok. Last night I put on some snazzy clothes and met Yuka, Rie, and Kumiko at Red Hill. There are always fun people around, so we moved to the big table. There was about ten of us.... then *this* guy sits down. Immediately the atmosphere drops. Well, let's just say we're not impressed with his conversation skills. I learn that he is not well liked by the general company, and it seems as if some people have either left or changed from the big table back to the bar.
Hmm.
I get up to go to the bathroom. I come back and sit down. I hear Kumiko saying, "Etchi.. etchi... how do you say 'etchi' in English?" I responded with "Hmm... dirty.. or perverted.. you know, that kind of thing."
And the next thing I know, that guy is leaning over people, pointing his finger at me and demanding to know who I am and what I'm doing.
.....Ooooooooookay.......
I thought this was odd because we'd JUST been all jovial before I went to the bathroom... so I thought he was kidding.
In fact, we were all a bit confused...
Well, after being called the worst names I've ever been called in my life, being accused of "talking shit" and "stabbing him in the back," and generally having my A) validity of being in Takayama and B) my length of time being in Takayama questioned, and having frothy spit fly in my face to shouts of "I know your type!! You *insert slanderous words here*!!!"... I think we all realized that hey, this guy is A) serious and B) completely out of his gourd.
Not to mention completely unable to be reasoned with.
And I'm thinking...
"...I just sat down!!!"
(*Note: Upon talking with Daniel and for the record, he WAS being very "etchi," in saying he wanted to be sleeping with at least three of the ladies at the table. I didn't know this... all I heard was a translation question.)
So when everyone is trying to make sense of this situation (oh yes, I apparently was using Japanese solely for the purpose of talking shit about him), Yoda (that's my nickname for him) finally stands up to him, literally towering over him since he was still sitting) and tried to talk him down.
I couldn't believe it. Thank GOD Yoda was there... I don't know what I would've done.
Said guy is British (I believe?)... and yelled to Yoda that he "is a fucking Jap! (and SHE's *finger in my face again* a #@$% #$%$%^$ @#$@#$@$...)"
Yoda's response was "Yeah! I am! I am a fucking Jap! But you need to BACK OFF."
All I could say was "I wasn't saying anything..." which of course wasn't doing any good, but if I told him he was a raving lunatic that wouldn't have bettered the situation, so self-preservation kicked in and said "Yoda obviously has a better handle on this than anyone possibly could, Yoda please please get him away from me."
The "fight or flight" instinct nudged at me, but more in the sense of "Would I make things better or worse if I got up and went somewhere else...? the counter? outside?" I thought it was best to stay so as to not be attacked from behind.
Finally, Yoda finally convinced him to "go to YHC," and he got up, paid, and left.
Meanwhile my heart is ready to burst out of my chest.
I didn't really want to go home right away after that, but I didn't have enough money to get into the YHC trance night let alone the possibility that HE'd be there, so I decided to suck it up and go home.
Then I learned there was a discount on tickets if you got them from Red Hill...
THEN I learned that the crazy guy did not in fact go to YHC.
So I went... had a good time, chat with many people and got my mind off it all. Course, the thoughts were still there when I got into bed and closed my eyes... but that's to be expected.
I just hate when people say "He drank too much" as if that's supposed to make it better. No one ever says, "Yeah, we KNOW the people in the other car were killed, but you know, he just drank too much." Why should any other situation be any different? Why do people tend to make excuses for other people? I told Daniel that when a dog or other animal attacks a human, it gets put down. When a man does the same thing, excuses are made. Just... I don't get it.
As usual, I know Daniel has the power to make it better and after discussing what happened from a psychological and emotional point of view of what kind of person does such a thing, I feel much better.
We ran over thoughts of what the next possible confrontation may be like... if he remembers, if he feels remorse... if he apologizes... or if he feels justified even if he doesn't remember. Also, how I should react. For now, I'm thinking that I forgive and move on, but I don't want to talk to him or be in the same vicinity. Therefore, if he sits down, I should feel perfectly ok in getting up and finding a new seat where he is not.
This is a step that seems incredibly difficult...
Dan: It really is an amazing liberation when you get the paradigm shifts from the victim of people to understanding... that those people are sick. and deserve compassion. forgive and surrender to god
Dan: but that is hard to do.
This all means that the past two posts I was meticulously writing are not here. See, I wanted to tell you all how glad I am to have you and my days were looking very bright.
So let's re-examine...
I got an awesome comment from Bree!! I wuv my Bwee... and I got to chat with her and laugh and laugh and laugh. MAN I really hope to see her (that means YOU!!) in CO!!!
I got kidnapped in school by the special ed teacher AT school and taken to a reeeeeeeeeeally nice onsen for a "class fieldtrip".. for free!
I went to Meiji-Mura (Meiji Village) with my J-Mama!
I had a good couple weeks and weekends hanging out with my homeboys Daniel and Ryan (and their ladies).
I got a Thanksgiving package from Mom and Dad that had two brownie mixes, stove top stuffing, warm fuzzy socks, and various T-Day decorations and napkins in it!!
So... I had a big potluck dinner at my place with said homeboys (later to be joined by Yuka) at which we all stuffed ourselves into the dreamy "food-coma" like state.
My supervisor basically agreed with me that my school situation is NOT good, and they will try to do something to make it better! Whoo!!
I got to do video chat with my sister and parents and even aunt and uncle whom I haven't seen in what seems like ages!
I got my second letter from Shin!!! And in it is a big red paper heart with a trademark Shin Smiley Face on it. Awwwwwww....
It's been a good couple of weeks. I've been trying to write it all down to let you all know how very much appreciated you are, but I didn't want to post it yet because it "wasn't good enough." Thus it got erased. *hangs head*
So thank you! *love love love love love beams*
Ok, now onto the harshing of my mellow...
Because I was going to post about it earlier but didn't know how, but I just got off the phone with Daniel and I feel much clearer in my head about it now.
Ok. Last night I put on some snazzy clothes and met Yuka, Rie, and Kumiko at Red Hill. There are always fun people around, so we moved to the big table. There was about ten of us.... then *this* guy sits down. Immediately the atmosphere drops. Well, let's just say we're not impressed with his conversation skills. I learn that he is not well liked by the general company, and it seems as if some people have either left or changed from the big table back to the bar.
Hmm.
I get up to go to the bathroom. I come back and sit down. I hear Kumiko saying, "Etchi.. etchi... how do you say 'etchi' in English?" I responded with "Hmm... dirty.. or perverted.. you know, that kind of thing."
And the next thing I know, that guy is leaning over people, pointing his finger at me and demanding to know who I am and what I'm doing.
.....Ooooooooookay.......
I thought this was odd because we'd JUST been all jovial before I went to the bathroom... so I thought he was kidding.
In fact, we were all a bit confused...
Well, after being called the worst names I've ever been called in my life, being accused of "talking shit" and "stabbing him in the back," and generally having my A) validity of being in Takayama and B) my length of time being in Takayama questioned, and having frothy spit fly in my face to shouts of "I know your type!! You *insert slanderous words here*!!!"... I think we all realized that hey, this guy is A) serious and B) completely out of his gourd.
Not to mention completely unable to be reasoned with.
And I'm thinking...
"...I just sat down!!!"
(*Note: Upon talking with Daniel and for the record, he WAS being very "etchi," in saying he wanted to be sleeping with at least three of the ladies at the table. I didn't know this... all I heard was a translation question.)
So when everyone is trying to make sense of this situation (oh yes, I apparently was using Japanese solely for the purpose of talking shit about him), Yoda (that's my nickname for him) finally stands up to him, literally towering over him since he was still sitting) and tried to talk him down.
I couldn't believe it. Thank GOD Yoda was there... I don't know what I would've done.
Said guy is British (I believe?)... and yelled to Yoda that he "is a fucking Jap! (and SHE's *finger in my face again* a #@$% #$%$%^$ @#$@#$@$...)"
Yoda's response was "Yeah! I am! I am a fucking Jap! But you need to BACK OFF."
All I could say was "I wasn't saying anything..." which of course wasn't doing any good, but if I told him he was a raving lunatic that wouldn't have bettered the situation, so self-preservation kicked in and said "Yoda obviously has a better handle on this than anyone possibly could, Yoda please please get him away from me."
The "fight or flight" instinct nudged at me, but more in the sense of "Would I make things better or worse if I got up and went somewhere else...? the counter? outside?" I thought it was best to stay so as to not be attacked from behind.
Finally, Yoda finally convinced him to "go to YHC," and he got up, paid, and left.
Meanwhile my heart is ready to burst out of my chest.
I didn't really want to go home right away after that, but I didn't have enough money to get into the YHC trance night let alone the possibility that HE'd be there, so I decided to suck it up and go home.
Then I learned there was a discount on tickets if you got them from Red Hill...
THEN I learned that the crazy guy did not in fact go to YHC.
So I went... had a good time, chat with many people and got my mind off it all. Course, the thoughts were still there when I got into bed and closed my eyes... but that's to be expected.
I just hate when people say "He drank too much" as if that's supposed to make it better. No one ever says, "Yeah, we KNOW the people in the other car were killed, but you know, he just drank too much." Why should any other situation be any different? Why do people tend to make excuses for other people? I told Daniel that when a dog or other animal attacks a human, it gets put down. When a man does the same thing, excuses are made. Just... I don't get it.
As usual, I know Daniel has the power to make it better and after discussing what happened from a psychological and emotional point of view of what kind of person does such a thing, I feel much better.
We ran over thoughts of what the next possible confrontation may be like... if he remembers, if he feels remorse... if he apologizes... or if he feels justified even if he doesn't remember. Also, how I should react. For now, I'm thinking that I forgive and move on, but I don't want to talk to him or be in the same vicinity. Therefore, if he sits down, I should feel perfectly ok in getting up and finding a new seat where he is not.
This is a step that seems incredibly difficult...
Dan: It really is an amazing liberation when you get the paradigm shifts from the victim of people to understanding... that those people are sick. and deserve compassion. forgive and surrender to god
Dan: but that is hard to do.