(no subject)
Sorry Brandon, I know how much you hate these but I must vent....
I have a question. What happens when the girl who is supposed to be on top of it all, who is supposed to be the one for the reassuring hug, the one who you can call at 3 am (and many do)..what happens when she falls apart. What happens when she becomes so desperate she begins asking her friends for things she shouldnt. What happens when everyone starts telling her things and she stops breathing and has a panic attack, 3 in one day....What happens?
I don't know whats happening to me. Im completely losing control of myself. Stress and exhaustion have overtaken me. Nothing around me makes me happy anymore. The only thing that does is ballet, but Im too freakin busy to even go anymore. I have to force myself to breathe now. Nothing works. I laugh, but its empty. I dont feel it anymore. Ive sunk down so low i was asking everyone I thought would know if they had any vicadin. VICADIN! Me!!! But right now, I would do anything to just be numb. Im numb already to happiness, and Id rather feel nothing than feel whatever this is....Its like in that movie, Life as a House, when he says, I like how it feels not to feel....hes right, sometimes that feeling is all you want. I need sleep, I need relaxation, and no where in the near future do I see that.
I have a question. What happens when the girl who is supposed to be on top of it all, who is supposed to be the one for the reassuring hug, the one who you can call at 3 am (and many do)..what happens when she falls apart. What happens when she becomes so desperate she begins asking her friends for things she shouldnt. What happens when everyone starts telling her things and she stops breathing and has a panic attack, 3 in one day....What happens?
I don't know whats happening to me. Im completely losing control of myself. Stress and exhaustion have overtaken me. Nothing around me makes me happy anymore. The only thing that does is ballet, but Im too freakin busy to even go anymore. I have to force myself to breathe now. Nothing works. I laugh, but its empty. I dont feel it anymore. Ive sunk down so low i was asking everyone I thought would know if they had any vicadin. VICADIN! Me!!! But right now, I would do anything to just be numb. Im numb already to happiness, and Id rather feel nothing than feel whatever this is....Its like in that movie, Life as a House, when he says, I like how it feels not to feel....hes right, sometimes that feeling is all you want. I need sleep, I need relaxation, and no where in the near future do I see that.