Letter To Robert On His Birthday
My Dearest Minion,
Your Princess wishes to extend to you her most tender birthday wishes. Today you would turn 48. We would have gone to Papadeaux (which I was horrified to find that you had never been to before), then caught Pirates of the Caribbean 2. I would have given you special cuff links with the scales of justice inlaid in them and a special French cuff shirt with which to wear the cuff links. Then, we probably would have searched to find some place that was offering karaoke so you could sing to your Princess and make her smile. Or, we could have just gotten a bottle of wine (or two) and come home to discuss Shakespeare or Austen or the nature of love or...well, there would be no telling what we would end up talking about. I miss our talks so much. So, Dearest Minion, how does your birthday sound? Would you have enjoyed it? I think you would have.
I miss you terribly. It feels like a piece of my soul is missing. I am lifeless in that part of my heart. I'm hollow in the place you occupy. You're still there in my heart, but I can't access it...I will be overrun by the torrents of grief and anger. Why did you leave me? why? WHY? What have you done to me? I'm an onion girl, like in that song that Holly Cole sings. And what I'm most afraid of is that if you peel back enough layers, there won't be anything left of me at all. Everyone'll know who I really am. The Broken Girl. The Hollow Girl. You knew me like no one else ever has. You peered past the layers to see me, to draw me out, to provoke and to soothe concurrently. No one has ever done that for me. And now, I can't let anyone else do it again because you left me open and raw and hurt and scared and...unstable. How dare you. And, thank you.
How can I ever tell you what you have meant to me? I am still realizing it myself. In the wellspring of emotion that I have been caught up in, I am still realizing what you have done for me, what you continue to do for me and what a fool I was for not telling you everyday what you meant to me. Not telling you every day that I love you. What a heartless and stupid Fool I am! Forgive me, Dearest. I love you.
But, why did you have to leave me?!!
So much has been going on with me lately. I wish you were here to share it with me. I can think of no one else I'd rather share it with. I miss you so. I never even got to say goodbye. Not even the morning you left for Kansas City.
Who will call me Princess now (and mean it the way you did)? Who will spoil me by showing up at my door with wine or books or fried chicken? Who will indulge my whims to go on impromptu trips? Who will walk my dogs when I'm on crutches or buy me a "Love Club" to use as a cane while walking the Ren Faire? But, most of all...who am I going to share my Villa in Italy with? Who's going to help me spend the advance on my fourth novel? We had such plans for that advance. I haven't stopped looking for new cars for you. And, I still think a Mercedes or an Audi would be best. I can't hear the song "Brown Eyed Girl" without hearing you singing it to me or sobbing. The same with "Here Without You" and "Hero". I'm doomed.
So, while I can still type through the torrent of tears, I am going to say one last thing. You have made me a better person. You have given me hope. But, you have also taken some away from me. Damn you! Thank You! Both.
All of my love,
Your Princess
Your Princess wishes to extend to you her most tender birthday wishes. Today you would turn 48. We would have gone to Papadeaux (which I was horrified to find that you had never been to before), then caught Pirates of the Caribbean 2. I would have given you special cuff links with the scales of justice inlaid in them and a special French cuff shirt with which to wear the cuff links. Then, we probably would have searched to find some place that was offering karaoke so you could sing to your Princess and make her smile. Or, we could have just gotten a bottle of wine (or two) and come home to discuss Shakespeare or Austen or the nature of love or...well, there would be no telling what we would end up talking about. I miss our talks so much. So, Dearest Minion, how does your birthday sound? Would you have enjoyed it? I think you would have.
I miss you terribly. It feels like a piece of my soul is missing. I am lifeless in that part of my heart. I'm hollow in the place you occupy. You're still there in my heart, but I can't access it...I will be overrun by the torrents of grief and anger. Why did you leave me? why? WHY? What have you done to me? I'm an onion girl, like in that song that Holly Cole sings. And what I'm most afraid of is that if you peel back enough layers, there won't be anything left of me at all. Everyone'll know who I really am. The Broken Girl. The Hollow Girl. You knew me like no one else ever has. You peered past the layers to see me, to draw me out, to provoke and to soothe concurrently. No one has ever done that for me. And now, I can't let anyone else do it again because you left me open and raw and hurt and scared and...unstable. How dare you. And, thank you.
How can I ever tell you what you have meant to me? I am still realizing it myself. In the wellspring of emotion that I have been caught up in, I am still realizing what you have done for me, what you continue to do for me and what a fool I was for not telling you everyday what you meant to me. Not telling you every day that I love you. What a heartless and stupid Fool I am! Forgive me, Dearest. I love you.
But, why did you have to leave me?!!
So much has been going on with me lately. I wish you were here to share it with me. I can think of no one else I'd rather share it with. I miss you so. I never even got to say goodbye. Not even the morning you left for Kansas City.
Who will call me Princess now (and mean it the way you did)? Who will spoil me by showing up at my door with wine or books or fried chicken? Who will indulge my whims to go on impromptu trips? Who will walk my dogs when I'm on crutches or buy me a "Love Club" to use as a cane while walking the Ren Faire? But, most of all...who am I going to share my Villa in Italy with? Who's going to help me spend the advance on my fourth novel? We had such plans for that advance. I haven't stopped looking for new cars for you. And, I still think a Mercedes or an Audi would be best. I can't hear the song "Brown Eyed Girl" without hearing you singing it to me or sobbing. The same with "Here Without You" and "Hero". I'm doomed.
So, while I can still type through the torrent of tears, I am going to say one last thing. You have made me a better person. You have given me hope. But, you have also taken some away from me. Damn you! Thank You! Both.
All of my love,
Your Princess