yea yea

[cottonmouthkiss]

i've been thinking alot lately..alot alot. i need to learn to make things look better than they are or ever will be. i need to stop waiting on others to help me make decisions i need to make on my own...like college for one. i want to break away from my parents. i know it isnt gonna be easy. so i've learned the past couple of nights, thinking that is. i should have done better and not been such a procrastinator...i hate that about me. i know i could have done better in school but i didnt and theres nothing i can do now to change. i really want to get into johnson and wales. it seems like the perfect school for me. then i can make it easier for my parents to move to miami like they always wanted to and i can be closer to the family that i love the most and go back to where i came from right?...i want that..but i KNOW im not going to get imma apply with no hopes at getting it at all. it'll be easier when i get a no. but atleast i know i tried and i guess i'll have something to tell my kids when they go to school..learn from my mistakes. i know but goin away for school is goin to change everything. i know when i come back things i want to be here arent goin to be...even if i were told they are i know they arent...things change and so do people and i learned that the hard way thing some things and i've learn to live with it and learn from that mistake. what i have now i know i wont have one year from now the people i know now i probably wont talk to a year from now i'll know new people and learn to move on. i like change...but sometimes i wish it wouldnt happen the way it does...

i like what i have now...

my friends... ashley jacob and jason

my job... the funny people i have fun with there

my house... were i grew up most of my life

things i would like to have a year from now

my friends
a different home
my job now
new friends
college

i hate how lifes works

i also hate the people i love...cuz i wish i didnt love them as much as i do..

i hate saying goodbye..i hate losing people i love

if i ever say i hate you and im mad...i dont mean...i promise...really