abuse support group.
I found one. It helped...and it hrut too. I realized a lot of things specifically....my entire childhood I was scared my dad was going to kill me. all....the time I was in his house. every time he beat me every time he screamed at me and even when he hit the dog....I was scared he was going to kill me....that's nwhy I never ran away. it was an immobilising fear. But very real....I would sometimes have the shakes for days after he yelled at me. 20 years....being in fear for your life....the only reason I left is he told me to. otherwise I would probably have been there until he did kill me---I'm not sure. just with the rape flash back....god. the only words exchanged on that was me getting yelled at for messing my pants.....you'd think they could tell it was blood when the scared shakey child came in with dark stains on her pants..... It's hard to not let stuff like that affect you. I'm going to the grief support group tomorrow. And every week til I can stop crying every other night. I wish he was dead----I will make a point to dance on his grave once he is. I've been shakey remembering that fear---and it was a legitimate fear----if you'd seen the way he acted. I was so scared of him and scared of my life.