Worst experience at HEB ever!
Well no not really. But it really pissed me off. Tonight was a good night. I got home from work kind of late so we chilled out for a little bit. The plan was to get some filming done but everyone flaked so either I'll have to find other actors or just force it to happen before my birthday. Then Renester called and we all decided to go see Cloverfield. I enjoyed it. Our waiter at the Alamo was a total 'tard and that kind of sucked b/c I was really planning on having at least 2 beers, but he took so long that I only got the one. AND they didn't even have what I wanted. But whatevs, the movie was better than my expectations and that is fine with me.
Then we came home, chilled a little more, and hit the gym for a late night work out. Fun times. So my smart self decided we needed waters at home, so I would just drop into HEB real quick and grab some. Then pulling around I got all excited like I normally do around grocery stores, and decided I also wanted some 2-bite brownies, some milk, and some juice. I also, before even getting inside, figured out just how I was to carry all this stuff around by myself as Andrew drove around the parking lot. I was so proud! I even shoved his card into my waistband. So I go first to the brownie section, stopping briefly on the way to check if my beer was there, no luck. I circled the god damn dessert rack like 5 fucking times and they didn't have the 2 bite brownies! But thats ok, I'll compromise and just get the in of whole brownie. I'm cool. So off the the milk or the water, whichever comes first. Turns out its the milk. I love whole and 2%, but being that we just worked out and I'm getting brownies, I should at least pretend to try a little. So instead of going stupid and fat free, I'm looking for the medium low fat. Where is it? I don't see it. I see the big ass one and all the medium sized other ones, so... is it in its own little section? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON! ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME? So I cave and get the 2%. Its ok, they have my juice. For real. Some damn expensive juice, but the best I've had aside from Big Tex. So right behind me is the water and I'm done. Only I've got to stack everything on it. It was weird b/c the 24 packs weren't in their usual spot, but I grabbed one and headed for the lines. I went to the one that had the least people b/c logically, which in no way ever applies to grocery shopping, I thought that line may just be the quickest. WRONG. There is an old dude with old dude food in front of me, taking his time putting his stuff on the belt and never once took a glance to see that I might just want to put my shit down some time soon. Not that its his fault I piled it on, but you can't just ignore me either dude. Then, the lady in front of him is an EMPLOYEE of HEB and is just loving that the checker is the slowest lady in the world! No, really. I guess its a night time thing, they just put all the slow, crazy, and/or dumb people out and let them have a go at it. Well I'm sure she's nice and all but yikes. And the lady buying the shit is no help, because she helps bag the stuff, nice and slow like, takes just as much time to load it into her cart, BEFORE busting out her CHECK BOOK so she can spend the next 5 MINUTES writing a check for $19.40 and wait patiently while the special checker lady tries to figure out how the fuck to REDEEM IT. Even the old dude in front of my is getting ancy to eat his oats and banana. So then that wraps up and now this guy has a shit ton of produce and he is TELLING THE LADY ALL THE CODES. By this point I am hit with a visual of Andrew thinking "wtf is going on in there, i might as well have come in with her!" Parking the car, and walking in the find me. Just then I look up and there he is at the door. Ofcourse, I'm just going to smile at him and say "I'm almost done" because I don't want to possibly offend the poor crazy woman, if she'd even understand thats whats going on, and possibly make it an even slower, slightly more depressing process. I have 4 items, so this better go quick. Everything scans fine until she gets the water which in her defense had no barcode because IT WASN'T A FUCKING 24 PACK! SOME ASSHOLE HAD UNLOADED ALL THE 12 PACKS STILL IN THERE SHIPPED PACKAGING OF 2 TOGETHER AND NOW IM PAYING 6 FUCKING BUCKS FOR WATER THAT NORMALLY COSTS JUST UNDER 5? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE TONIGHT? ARE THEY TRYING SOME NEW THING WHERE THE DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO FUCK SHIT UP AND PISS PEOPLE OFF AS SOME SICK TWISTED SURVEY BECAUSE I WILL HAPPILY LET THEM KNOW THAT IT WORKED AND IM SCARED TO GO BACK THERE.
ok so then i say fuck it, man. this aggression wont stand. take my shit and go home. now i'm home. i had a brownie and glass of milk and some water. if i had a record player i'd be listening to my new shawn phillips album right now chilling the fuck out.
oh well, birthday is right around and i have some sweet pseudo plans. yeeeaaah.
Then we came home, chilled a little more, and hit the gym for a late night work out. Fun times. So my smart self decided we needed waters at home, so I would just drop into HEB real quick and grab some. Then pulling around I got all excited like I normally do around grocery stores, and decided I also wanted some 2-bite brownies, some milk, and some juice. I also, before even getting inside, figured out just how I was to carry all this stuff around by myself as Andrew drove around the parking lot. I was so proud! I even shoved his card into my waistband. So I go first to the brownie section, stopping briefly on the way to check if my beer was there, no luck. I circled the god damn dessert rack like 5 fucking times and they didn't have the 2 bite brownies! But thats ok, I'll compromise and just get the in of whole brownie. I'm cool. So off the the milk or the water, whichever comes first. Turns out its the milk. I love whole and 2%, but being that we just worked out and I'm getting brownies, I should at least pretend to try a little. So instead of going stupid and fat free, I'm looking for the medium low fat. Where is it? I don't see it. I see the big ass one and all the medium sized other ones, so... is it in its own little section? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON! ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME? So I cave and get the 2%. Its ok, they have my juice. For real. Some damn expensive juice, but the best I've had aside from Big Tex. So right behind me is the water and I'm done. Only I've got to stack everything on it. It was weird b/c the 24 packs weren't in their usual spot, but I grabbed one and headed for the lines. I went to the one that had the least people b/c logically, which in no way ever applies to grocery shopping, I thought that line may just be the quickest. WRONG. There is an old dude with old dude food in front of me, taking his time putting his stuff on the belt and never once took a glance to see that I might just want to put my shit down some time soon. Not that its his fault I piled it on, but you can't just ignore me either dude. Then, the lady in front of him is an EMPLOYEE of HEB and is just loving that the checker is the slowest lady in the world! No, really. I guess its a night time thing, they just put all the slow, crazy, and/or dumb people out and let them have a go at it. Well I'm sure she's nice and all but yikes. And the lady buying the shit is no help, because she helps bag the stuff, nice and slow like, takes just as much time to load it into her cart, BEFORE busting out her CHECK BOOK so she can spend the next 5 MINUTES writing a check for $19.40 and wait patiently while the special checker lady tries to figure out how the fuck to REDEEM IT. Even the old dude in front of my is getting ancy to eat his oats and banana. So then that wraps up and now this guy has a shit ton of produce and he is TELLING THE LADY ALL THE CODES. By this point I am hit with a visual of Andrew thinking "wtf is going on in there, i might as well have come in with her!" Parking the car, and walking in the find me. Just then I look up and there he is at the door. Ofcourse, I'm just going to smile at him and say "I'm almost done" because I don't want to possibly offend the poor crazy woman, if she'd even understand thats whats going on, and possibly make it an even slower, slightly more depressing process. I have 4 items, so this better go quick. Everything scans fine until she gets the water which in her defense had no barcode because IT WASN'T A FUCKING 24 PACK! SOME ASSHOLE HAD UNLOADED ALL THE 12 PACKS STILL IN THERE SHIPPED PACKAGING OF 2 TOGETHER AND NOW IM PAYING 6 FUCKING BUCKS FOR WATER THAT NORMALLY COSTS JUST UNDER 5? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE TONIGHT? ARE THEY TRYING SOME NEW THING WHERE THE DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO FUCK SHIT UP AND PISS PEOPLE OFF AS SOME SICK TWISTED SURVEY BECAUSE I WILL HAPPILY LET THEM KNOW THAT IT WORKED AND IM SCARED TO GO BACK THERE.
ok so then i say fuck it, man. this aggression wont stand. take my shit and go home. now i'm home. i had a brownie and glass of milk and some water. if i had a record player i'd be listening to my new shawn phillips album right now chilling the fuck out.
oh well, birthday is right around and i have some sweet pseudo plans. yeeeaaah.