feeling sad
Well, I officially need to stop drinking. My hangover is easing, but i am still tired and worn out from staying out so late last night and drinking so damned much. the doc at the hosp. told me I had a problem with alcohol, and i am starting to believe him now. I do stupid things when I drink, and i regret the drinking the next day. It has to stop.
I am feeling sad today. I t could be leftover from all the alcohol, it could be any number of things, I suppose. I am uneasy.
I got the call confirming the job. I start next Tuesday, which gives me 4 more days of writing time on the MRP. I am just not getting my ass in gear today! I haven't written a word. I am going to be oncontract for the rest of the summer, and then likely in the fall I will go on salary. I like the idea of being on contract: it feels much less like a Permanent Real Job this way.
Last night i wore my smallest pair of jeans (the only ones that are decently fitting right now), and I didn't need a belt for the first time in months. They used to be falling off me, and now they are a more normal fit, but still with a bit of room.
Don't know how to feel about it: part of my is glad to not have to deal with the rigamarole of a belt anymore, as odd as that seems. It's like a little piece of freedom...
But it means i am GAINING, there is no hiding it, this is proof positive that i am. I am afraid I won't be able to stop gaining weight. I would like to not gain any more weight for now: I think i look pretty normal (read:big) the way i am right now. With the new weight, i am sitting at a bmi of about 18, maybe a little more. This seems healthy enough to me--I can't imagine what I will look like with 15 more pounds on me.
My parents will both be gone this weekend, and i will have the house to myself to do work. I have to say, I'm worried about it. I am not sure how food will go without other people around. I'm not sure I can make myself eat and keep a normal dinner on my own, let alone lunch and breakfast. Trying very hard not to get overwhelmed with this. But I AM worried about the weekend/food.
Regardless, I am going grocery shopping later this afternoon to get some supplies for the weekend. I am going to get: veggie burgers & dogs, fruit, vegetables, rice cakes. Maybe I will get some nukable frozen meals so that I don't have to think about it too much: just nuke and eat..I wonder if that is a good strategy for me..?
I am feeling sad today. I t could be leftover from all the alcohol, it could be any number of things, I suppose. I am uneasy.
I got the call confirming the job. I start next Tuesday, which gives me 4 more days of writing time on the MRP. I am just not getting my ass in gear today! I haven't written a word. I am going to be oncontract for the rest of the summer, and then likely in the fall I will go on salary. I like the idea of being on contract: it feels much less like a Permanent Real Job this way.
Last night i wore my smallest pair of jeans (the only ones that are decently fitting right now), and I didn't need a belt for the first time in months. They used to be falling off me, and now they are a more normal fit, but still with a bit of room.
Don't know how to feel about it: part of my is glad to not have to deal with the rigamarole of a belt anymore, as odd as that seems. It's like a little piece of freedom...
But it means i am GAINING, there is no hiding it, this is proof positive that i am. I am afraid I won't be able to stop gaining weight. I would like to not gain any more weight for now: I think i look pretty normal (read:big) the way i am right now. With the new weight, i am sitting at a bmi of about 18, maybe a little more. This seems healthy enough to me--I can't imagine what I will look like with 15 more pounds on me.
My parents will both be gone this weekend, and i will have the house to myself to do work. I have to say, I'm worried about it. I am not sure how food will go without other people around. I'm not sure I can make myself eat and keep a normal dinner on my own, let alone lunch and breakfast. Trying very hard not to get overwhelmed with this. But I AM worried about the weekend/food.
Regardless, I am going grocery shopping later this afternoon to get some supplies for the weekend. I am going to get: veggie burgers & dogs, fruit, vegetables, rice cakes. Maybe I will get some nukable frozen meals so that I don't have to think about it too much: just nuke and eat..I wonder if that is a good strategy for me..?