Round Three Reviews - Part 10
Today's Featured Stories Include:
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The Ten Weddings of Donna Noble by netgirl-y2k Link goes to Teaspoon
Category: Multi-Era
Fandom: New Who
Characters: Donna, Doctor. All of him.
Rating: All Ages
Details: 1,917 words. Over forty-five years of canon but no major spoilers.
Why It Rocks:
In order to prevent the universe from exploding, Donna has to marry the Doctor. A lot of times - and a lot of versions of him.
This blissfully silly fic captures the wacky dynamic between Ten and Donna, as they try to convince his past incarnations to marry her--or, more accurately, as Ten tries to convince his past incarnations, while Donna gives his ego the beating it well and truly deserves:
"Donna, you see the people surrounding us, the big ones pointing the very sharp sticks at my crotch?"
"Oh, those people, yes."
"If we don't agree to get married then they're going to kill us."
"I'd like you to get down on one knee."
"Donna!"
So much of Ten and Donna's interactions are told just through dialogue (like above), because the author's characterization is so strong, the reader has no doubt who is speaking.
More importantly, Donna serves as audience-stand-in throughout this fanfic, providing running meta-commentary identical to what many of us have said while watching all eras of Who. For example, she's totally correct that Six was "King of the Teletubbies," that Five (still my favorite classic Doctor) was "a beige puppy," and that Two and Jaime were *so* married in space:
"The Doctor doesn't do anything without me," Jamie insisted.
One more wouldn't do any harm, Donna decided. "Right then, the three of us will get married."
This seemed to mollify Jamie and the Doctor quite a bit. Donna suspected they had secretly been looking for an excuse to get married.
I also love the total disrespect the past incarnations of the Doctor have for Ten, referring to him as "skinny hairdo," "a man with hair that frankly bordered on the ridiculous," and "the male lunatic" (not to be confused with Donna, "the female lunatic").
This fic leaves you with a smile on your face. azriona wrote in a Round Two Review: Some fics are just fun. "The Ten Weddings of Donna Noble" falls into this category, and it's sheer *joy*.
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Evolution of Rose by ladychi
Category: Rose Tyler, Short Story
Fandom: New Who
Characters: Rose Tyler; appearances by just about every guy in the show.
Rating: Adult
Details: Six-part story, with each chapter covering a different point in Rose's life.
Why It Rocks:
It's not about sex.
Okay, I know it's meant to be about sex. The author tells you that it's about sex. The first word of the story is "Sex".
It's not about sex. You're going to read the first three chapters, wondering why I say such a thing. And then you'll finish - and if you're clever, you'll see why.
It's not abut sex. It was never about sex. It's a bit like that phrase - I'm sure you've seen it, it's on icons and t-shirts and bumper stickers - "Sex is not the answer. Sex is the Question. The Answer is Yes."
Sex is not the main focus of the story - it's simply the way in which we're guided. And neither is Rose's answer always yes - because sex isn't always the question. The question actually has very little to do with sex, except in a tangential impact.
The question isn't about Rose's sexual awakening. It's about her awakening - no adverb necessary. But because of who Rose is - and who shapes her - her own awakening in entwined in how she is perceived by those around her. Not simply her mother, or her friends - but of the men who come in and out of her life.
Rose could feel the puzzle pieces of her life snapping into place. They settled into a steady routine...Because it was nice to belong to someone. Her dad had died, leaving just her and her mum. It was nice to have a boy [Jimmy] take care of her. It was nice to take care of someone else.
Sex is a lot of things to a lot of people. It's procreation, it's expressing love, it's expressing need, it's expressing comfort. Chi is well aware of the reasons to have sex - heck, she's got another series that examines that very issue. So she knows that sex can serve multiple functions, sometimes simultaneously. But to Rose, the primary function of sex is almost as an afterthought to her own main desire in wanting to be needed. Sex is an expression of being necessary to someone's life. And this idea of being needed - both by Rose of someone else, and of someone for Rose - continues, from Jimmy Stone, to Mickey Smith. Because while Jimmy taught her that it was nice to be needed: Mickey has taught her that being needed is almost as important to Rose as breathing. She can't not be needed.
After her tempestuous relationship with Jimmy Stone, it was just what she needed. He seemed to relax away all of her edges, never demanding anything of her....Her hand fit in his and she made him feel safe. In return, he made her feel needed.
And once Rose has realized that she's needed - she can't turn away from it. The pull of someone actually needing her for whatever reason - be it sex, or friendship, or just feeling okay - is too strong for her. She's going to fall into it, even if the small bit in the back of her mind is telling her to stop.
Maybe this is why Rose falls in love with Nine - she feels the need rolling off him in waves. And yet, he he says, very clearly, that he doesn't need sex, isn't that interested in it, could go years without it.
Rose, through her interactions with Jimmy, with Mickey, with Jack, and even with her own mother, has come to equate sex with being needed. They go hand in hand. Says the Doctor (Nine) to Rose at one point: “Are your expectations realistic because that's the way things are, or are things the way they are because of your expectations?”
And yet she can't help but imagine, what it would be like - as he is next to her in the console room as a friend, imagining what it would be like for them together in the bedroom, as lovers.
It was too much for Rose - the powerful fantasy and the reality of this man, laying next to her on the floor. She couldn't tell which one she wanted more, but given the choice, Rose would always choose reality.
Thing is, is it a reality that Rose would really choose? Think about what the Doctor said previously, the whole which-comes-first riddle of expectations and reality. Does Rose choose reality because that's truly what she wants, or because that's what she believes is all she is being offered?
It's not about sex. Rose is never really offered sex, not by the Doctor. She's offered time and space and the world in which to run. Sex is not the question, and it's not the answer, either. It's the byproduct of something much deeper.
"I was never gonna be ready for you," the Doctor said softly. "I was never gonna be ready to... do any of it. The kissing, the promising. It just wasn't gonna happen."
And it wouldn't have, in any life. Except that needing things goes both ways, whether you're human or Time Lord. Rose needed to be needed. So did the Doctor.
...they settled into a sort of pattern. Getting up in the morning, going to work, lots of running, chips or curries or sandwiches for lunch, separating after to go to labs and offices, driving home and gossipping about coworkers or discussing the latest theory in physics.
It's not about sex. It never was.
In short, vote for Evolution of Rose. It's about need and desire and hope and tea. It has Rose from beginning to not quite the end, and yes, it's got sex, but it's far from the most important lesson you'll learn. It's absolutely not about sex, but it does absolutely deserve your vote.
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Death #7408 by hatofhornigold
Category: Crackfic
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Rating: R
Details: Ficlet, complete, 370 words
Why It Rocks:
As hatofhornigold says in the summary for this fic, Jack has had many, many deaths. In fact, so we’re told in Fragments, 1392 deaths. That’s not counting 14 deaths before Torchwood press-gangs Jack into joining in the first place, plus his first at Ellis Island (thanks, msp_hacker!). And, of course, a few deaths after that, including the one on the Dalek Citadel.
At least some of these deaths, hatofhornigold says, had to have been embarrassing. In fact, knowing Jack, I imagine that several of them were acutely embarrassing... or would be if you were anyone else but Jack.
Embarrassing for any other person or persons present, no doubt.
So, the scenario. Imagine, if you will, Jack and Ianto enjoying some peaceful alone-time in the Hub after everyone else has gone home. Apparently apropos of nothing, Ianto comments that they really need to get a bed for the Hub rather than using the couch all the time. Jack doesn’t see the problem, but Ianto points out that:
“I’m just tired of having it cleaned all the time. Other people sit on this couch, you know.”
Remember that little snippet of information. It may come in handy.
Anyway, couches and the need for their cleaning forgotten, Jack and Ianto carry on with their regularly-scheduled extracurricular activities. At this point, you may wish to remember a certain other fact about Jack. In the Doctor Who episode Bad Wolf we discovered that he carries about his person, in an undisclosed but hinted-at location, a compact laser deluxe blaster.
One intensely, astoundingly pleasurable, and intensely, astoundingly painful moment later, Jack Harkness is dead.
Death #7408, of course. Nothing startling to Ianto, one would think: he’s seen Jack die and resurrect many times before. Never quite like this, though:
“Your head blew off. Your head. It blew off.”
There’s definitely something to be said for sex that blows your mind. Unforgettable. But then I read the next line and realised that Ianto meant it literally:
“Your head! It blew off!” He’s really going to have to have the couch cleaned this time.
See? Told you to remember the bit about cleaning the couch!
This is total crackfic, of course, and it’s hilarious; it’s also very much in character, particularly Jack’s own reaction both to his death and its cause. The final conversation - up until when Jack and Ianto decide that there are better things to do than talk - had me grinning, and I don’t even ship Jack/Ianto.
It’s brain-exploding crackfic in a completely literal sense, and it definitely deserves nomination in its category. Read it, enjoy it, and do consider voting for it - but just watch where you’re putting that voting finger, unless you want to cause Death #7409!
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Best Served Hot by Rivendellrose Link goes to Teaspoon
Category: Fourth Doctor Era, Genfic, Ficlet
Fandom: Classic Who
Characters: Sarah Jane Smith, Harry Sullivan
Rating: All Ages
Details: Ficlet, 2100 words, complete
Why It Rocks:
Because revenge really is a dish best served hot, and Harry Sullivan has a long memory.
Even readers not familiar with Classic Who have probably heard of the Fourth Doctor episode Genesis of the Daleks, in which the Doctor is given the mission of travelling to Skaro, to the very creation of the Daleks by Davros, and ordered to mutate or destroy the Daleks to prevent them becoming the most dominant creatures in the universe. Best Served Hot, however, refers to a different murderous creature from that episode. The Doctor and Harry, having escaped from prison, are making their way through the caves when suddenly Harry cries out and is dragged to the ground by an enormous crustacean that’s chewing his leg and apparently trying to eat him alive. Finally, the Doctor is able to free him by wedging the creature’s shell open, while Harry’s humiliated and wonders why he’s always the one putting his foot in it.
Fast-forward, and the story opens with Harry and Sarah, safely back on Earth, going out to dinner. Sarah’s a little bit wary:
“You’re not going to ask me to marry you again, are you? Because last time--”
“No, no. Not now, at any rate. Although if you’ve reconsidered...”
Yes. Poor Harry does always seem to put his foot in it, doesn’t he? Despite being the perfect gentleman, he’s just not quite modern enough for Sarah. Not that she doesn’t like him, or enjoy being with him, or think he’s perfectly sweet and really a useful bloke to have around, but still:
...perhaps there wasn’t exactly an affectionate way to tell a man that you damned well didn’t ever mean to marry him, no matter how many times he asked, no matter how lovely and charming and adorably pathetic he was, or even how good a lover he might happen to be. He could be the best man in the world - he might well be, at least if that world was planet Earth - but she still had no intention of marrying him.
I’m digressing, but really Rivendellrose writes sparkling dialogue for Harry and Sarah, while at the same time showing that, fond though Sarah clearly is of him and besotted as he is with her, they’d make a terrible married couple. What with Sarah’s annoyance at being called old girl and at Harry’s assumption that he can order her meal for her, and her tendency to lecture and rant at him in a way that would probably make most men walk out on her on the spot:
“...Honestly, I don’t know when you’re planning to enter this century, Harry, but I really wish you’d hurry up. So of us are busy getting ready for the next one, and you’re still... lagging behind with the Victorians, wondering why everyone’s wearing polyester scraps at the beach all of a sudden!”
It’s a miracle that they can carry on a civilised conversation! But they can, of course, and it’s clear that Harry’s more than used to Sarah’s righteous anger and more than capable of deflecting it:
It wasn’t the waiter’s fault that he’d stepped into the middle of Sarah on one of her rampages, and Harry was rather of the opinion that allowing the poor fellow to continue in that vein might violate his Hippocratic Oath, or at least implicate him as an accessory to manslaughter.
But why is Harry taking Sarah out to dinner, and making such an event of it, if he’s not planning to propose and it’s not her birthday or his? Simple. It turns out that his entire purpose is to enjoy one particular delicacy in the company of the one person - the Doctor aside - who might understand:
“Clams.”
He nodded, grinning to himself.
“You’re having... the clams.”
He’s having the clams. In white wine and garlic.
“You’re serious. I can’t believe this. You’re seriously ordering the clam dinner... just because some otherworldly clam tried to eat your leg.”
“It would have sucked me in whole if the Doctor hadn’t stopped it,” Harry protested. “It gave it a jolly good try!”
“Couldn’t you just... buy a tin at the supermarket?”
In Harry’s eyes, it really is the perfect revenge - yes, there may also be a hint of an ulterior motive, but really it’s all about the crustaceans. And he’s damn well going to enjoy it, too. He does, too, with a stern speech to his clam-piled plate before he begins eating. Revenge really is best served hot - with a generous helping of melted butter, too.
If you manage to read this fic without laughing out loud at least once, I’ll be amazed. Rivendellrose does an excellent job with humour throughout, as the excerpts I’ve quoted - and there are many more quotable lines - show. Although the occasional Americanism creeps in where the characters wouldn’t use that vocabulary, this really doesn’t detract from the story, which kept me grinning right up until the last line. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch Genesis of the Daleks again without thinking of Harry and his clams.
Definitely deserving of its multiple nominations, this fic needs to be read, served with garlic and savoured. Oh, and voted for, of course!
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The Replacement, by Nonelvis Link goes to Teaspoon
Category: Humor
Fandom: New Who
Characters: The Doctor (10), Donna, Jack
Rating: Teen
Details: Humorous one shot.
Why It Rocks:
Nonelvis had me at the summary:
Jack unexpectedly causes an international incident, and when the Doctor's diplomatic solution fails, it's up to Donna to save the world with her magnificent breasts.
Normally I wouldn't quote a summary in a review, but come on, Catharine Tate has magnificent breasts. The kind of breasts that every little girl dreams of having and every man lusts after. Personally, I found it a little uncomfortable the way the show insisted on covering her up in unflattering and shapeless shifts. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt - that it was a character choice - but still, it's about damn time that someone in the TARDIS noticed just how attractive the woman truly is.
In her story The Replacement, Nonelvis makes a point of celebrating Donna's voluptuous sexuality. The Doctor is in search of a nine-breasted virgin named Kavinka to bless a wedding and bring peace to a war-torn planet. Unfortunately, the blessed virgin isn't a virgin anymore after an earlier meeting with a younger Jack Harkness. She also isn't particularly interested in lying and going back to her old puritanical lifestyle, and who can blame her. On the brighter side, nine-breasted actually means amply breasted, and Kavinka happens to be the spiting image of the one and only fabulous Donna Noble.
Donna lives up to her self-made image of brash self-confidence by taking full advantage of her time in the spotlight.
Even though the ritual dancing only called for Kavinka to circle the couple six times, periodically shaking her breasts at them to enhance fertility, Donna took to the activity with relish. She jiggled fetchingly, her tassels swinging clockwise, anticlockwise, then in opposite directions simultaneously; she wriggled and writhed and bounced until the guests spontaneously burst into wild applause.
After the ceremony, Jack and the Doctor are both in awe of Donna's womanly wiles, and take her back to the TARDIS, promising to worship the goddess as she deserves. As well they should. Really, show, when Captain Jack Harkness chuckles at a woman's sexual advances, there is a problem. Thank you, Nonelvis, for seeing how Jack should have responded when meeting Donna and making up for this egregious oversight.
Of course, there is a lot more to love about The Replacement than Donna's tits. This is a story that is really driven forward by its brilliant banter. The plot of the The Replacement is told almost entirely through dialogue. There are only a few moments that dip into the character's heads. And the descriptive sections setting the scenes are efficient, propelling us into the repartee that is the heart of the fic's humour. In such a format, the character voices are critical, and Nonelvis absolutely delivers.
Then there's the Doctor himself, babbly and wonderful. And despite the fact that he's sexually active and can appreciate an outstanding bosom as much as the next man, he's still alien enough that he isn't entirely clear on all the technical details. His first plan of action is to reinstate Kavinka's virginity. Donna is forced to break the news to him, and does so with her usual direct approach, while still boggling at his strangeness.
"I know for a fact she isn't a virgin anymore. Any way we can fix that?"
"Fix that? There's nothing to fix. You're either a virgin, or you're not. On or off. Black or white. Human, or alien git."
"Donna, I came here for your help. The kind of special help," he said, starting to fidget uncomfortably, "that I think only you as a female can offer."
"You need the special help, all right," Donna muttered.
The Doctor and Donna's relationship and interaction perfectly matches the show - just with a few sexy extras. It's canon, with benefits. Add in Jack, and we have all the ingredients for wonderful adventures with a dynamic threesome. At the time of posting, Nonelvis promised a non-cracky pwp followup, and she made good with The Real Thing. If a hot Donna/Ten/Jack story is relevant to your interests, be sure to check it out. I certainly hope Nonelvis decides to continue even further with this sexy and hysterical verse.
In short, vote for The Replacement. It's sexy, it's witty, it's hilarious. The dialogue is note perfect. And most of all, it does right by all the characters - especially Donna Noble's magnificent breasts.
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Dances in Four Worlds by Mercy Brown Link goes to Teaspoon
Category:
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto Jones, various others
Rating:
Details: One-shot.
Why It Rocks:
Most fandoms, you set up an alternate universe, you have to spend time setting up an alternate universe. Here in the world of Doctor Who, though, alternate universes are, in their own way, canon. It's like a bonus for those of us who don't like how a particular episode turned out; we can just yell ALTERNATE UNIVERSE and carry on the way we see fit. (See the approximately 5 trillion JE fix-it fics for examples.)
But what makes this phenomenon even better is that essentially, all of these AUs are true. So is the case with Dances in Four Worlds - which is essentially exactly what it says on the tin. Cathica shows us four entirely different universes, all or none of which might be accurate, but all of which have four dances. The only thread that remains the same is Ianto Jones. These four dances, essentially, are his. And not just his dances - but pivotal ones at that.
It's the first dance that sets us up - tells us exactly what we are to expect. The first dance, you see, is a dance we know perfectly well did not actually happen in canon: Ianto Jones, and Lisa, dancing at their wedding.
It's also the shortest of the four dances, but it doesn't need to be longer. It has set the tone for the story, told us exactly what we can expect. The four worlds are really four universes, in which Ianto is dancing, with four different people, and for four reasons. Well, maybe four reasons - that's debatable.
Dance Number Two - and no, it's not Lisa. It's Rose Tyler, still in Pete's World, still without her Doctor.
[Ianto's] suit was silky against her skin and he smelt divine, like spice and coffee and musky aftershave. And it was shocking how well he just fit, better than anyone she'd known for all of five minutes had any right to, but there it was.
They swayed slowly, one of his hands pressed at her waist and the other cradling one of hers to his chest, and it felt like something she'd never not done. Could somebody remind you of someone you'd never met? Maybe they'd have done this back in her world eventually, if she'd stayed. What would he have been there?
It doesn't make sense, really, that Rose would feel some sort of a connection with Ianto. And the Ianto she sees is very different from the Ianto we know - he's darker, harder, more mysterious and less open. (Actually, he's a lot like Jack, come to think of it.) But the connection does exist - as we learn in the next world, because the Ianto there is yet a different Ianto than the ones we've seen before:
The north pole of the 6th moon of Invinius, a misshapen bit of rock that had stumbled into orbit and no one had bothered to name.
"Is it stupid that I feel a bit sorry for it?" Ianto asked.
"Sorry for it?" asked the Doctor, his eyebrows arching up cartoonishly. "Whyever would you feel sorry for it?"
I think this is the dance I like the best. This might be because I think Ianto would make a kick-ass companion, but really, it's because when Ianto is with the Doctor, they actually talk. And here, we get to see Ianto be himself, in a way that he hasn't been with Lisa or Rose. This Ianto, in this world, I can actually believe in. Or perhaps he just resonates with me the strongest.
You see, all three Iantos to this point are different people. Ianto with Lisa is happy, giddy, complete. Ianto with Rose is strong, commanding, and confident. Ianto with the Doctor is hesitant, humorous, and fatalistic.
It's the fourth Ianto, however, that brings all three of these Iantos together. This is the Ianto we know.
[Ianto] shoved his hands into his pockets, leaning back against the doorframe with a sigh. He was too exhausted to sustain all the annoyance he'd built up. Still, he'd come here to say this and he'd say it.
Dancing isn't about getting up on a floor and twirling around. There's a reason why the junior high school dance is famous for the 12-year-old boys attempting to bury themselves in the wall. Dancing is emotion set to music. Dancing is a connection to another person; it's not just about feeling the beat of the music, but the beat of each other's hearts.
"You want a demand?" [Ianto] ignored Jack's noise of confused protest as he ducked out of the embrace and crossed the office to the old turntable that sat half-hidden in one corner. He found a record that would do and dropped the needle down. Ianto turned back to Jack. "A demand," he repeated, extending a hand. "A proper dance, no ghosts, no fantasies, just us."
This is Ianto. He's not entirely certain of himself or of Jack, but he doesn't hesitate to ask for what he wants. He's not giddy with joy, but he knows what will make him complete. He doesn't know what's coming, but he's not going to wait for it to arrive.
This is Ianto...dancing.
In short, vote for Dances in Four Worlds. It's a beautiful set of very different dances, all of which have an emotional impact that goes straight to your heart. It shows four sides of Ianto, each better than the one that comes before - and it's even got a Ginger Doctor. (Trust me.) It is absolutely worth your vote.
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Today's Reviews were written by:
gwynevere1: The Ten Weddings of Donna Noble
azriona: Evolution of Rose; Dances in Four Worlds
wendymr: Death #7408; Best Served Hot
gowdie: The Replacement
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The Ten Weddings of Donna Noble by netgirl-y2k Link goes to Teaspoon
Category: Multi-Era
Fandom: New Who
Characters: Donna, Doctor. All of him.
Rating: All Ages
Details: 1,917 words. Over forty-five years of canon but no major spoilers.
Why It Rocks:
In order to prevent the universe from exploding, Donna has to marry the Doctor. A lot of times - and a lot of versions of him.
This blissfully silly fic captures the wacky dynamic between Ten and Donna, as they try to convince his past incarnations to marry her--or, more accurately, as Ten tries to convince his past incarnations, while Donna gives his ego the beating it well and truly deserves:
"Donna, you see the people surrounding us, the big ones pointing the very sharp sticks at my crotch?"
"Oh, those people, yes."
"If we don't agree to get married then they're going to kill us."
"I'd like you to get down on one knee."
"Donna!"
So much of Ten and Donna's interactions are told just through dialogue (like above), because the author's characterization is so strong, the reader has no doubt who is speaking.
More importantly, Donna serves as audience-stand-in throughout this fanfic, providing running meta-commentary identical to what many of us have said while watching all eras of Who. For example, she's totally correct that Six was "King of the Teletubbies," that Five (still my favorite classic Doctor) was "a beige puppy," and that Two and Jaime were *so* married in space:
"The Doctor doesn't do anything without me," Jamie insisted.
One more wouldn't do any harm, Donna decided. "Right then, the three of us will get married."
This seemed to mollify Jamie and the Doctor quite a bit. Donna suspected they had secretly been looking for an excuse to get married.
I also love the total disrespect the past incarnations of the Doctor have for Ten, referring to him as "skinny hairdo," "a man with hair that frankly bordered on the ridiculous," and "the male lunatic" (not to be confused with Donna, "the female lunatic").
This fic leaves you with a smile on your face. azriona wrote in a Round Two Review: Some fics are just fun. "The Ten Weddings of Donna Noble" falls into this category, and it's sheer *joy*.
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Evolution of Rose by ladychi
Category: Rose Tyler, Short Story
Fandom: New Who
Characters: Rose Tyler; appearances by just about every guy in the show.
Rating: Adult
Details: Six-part story, with each chapter covering a different point in Rose's life.
Why It Rocks:
It's not about sex.
Okay, I know it's meant to be about sex. The author tells you that it's about sex. The first word of the story is "Sex".
It's not about sex. You're going to read the first three chapters, wondering why I say such a thing. And then you'll finish - and if you're clever, you'll see why.
It's not abut sex. It was never about sex. It's a bit like that phrase - I'm sure you've seen it, it's on icons and t-shirts and bumper stickers - "Sex is not the answer. Sex is the Question. The Answer is Yes."
Sex is not the main focus of the story - it's simply the way in which we're guided. And neither is Rose's answer always yes - because sex isn't always the question. The question actually has very little to do with sex, except in a tangential impact.
The question isn't about Rose's sexual awakening. It's about her awakening - no adverb necessary. But because of who Rose is - and who shapes her - her own awakening in entwined in how she is perceived by those around her. Not simply her mother, or her friends - but of the men who come in and out of her life.
Rose could feel the puzzle pieces of her life snapping into place. They settled into a steady routine...Because it was nice to belong to someone. Her dad had died, leaving just her and her mum. It was nice to have a boy [Jimmy] take care of her. It was nice to take care of someone else.
Sex is a lot of things to a lot of people. It's procreation, it's expressing love, it's expressing need, it's expressing comfort. Chi is well aware of the reasons to have sex - heck, she's got another series that examines that very issue. So she knows that sex can serve multiple functions, sometimes simultaneously. But to Rose, the primary function of sex is almost as an afterthought to her own main desire in wanting to be needed. Sex is an expression of being necessary to someone's life. And this idea of being needed - both by Rose of someone else, and of someone for Rose - continues, from Jimmy Stone, to Mickey Smith. Because while Jimmy taught her that it was nice to be needed: Mickey has taught her that being needed is almost as important to Rose as breathing. She can't not be needed.
After her tempestuous relationship with Jimmy Stone, it was just what she needed. He seemed to relax away all of her edges, never demanding anything of her....Her hand fit in his and she made him feel safe. In return, he made her feel needed.
And once Rose has realized that she's needed - she can't turn away from it. The pull of someone actually needing her for whatever reason - be it sex, or friendship, or just feeling okay - is too strong for her. She's going to fall into it, even if the small bit in the back of her mind is telling her to stop.
Maybe this is why Rose falls in love with Nine - she feels the need rolling off him in waves. And yet, he he says, very clearly, that he doesn't need sex, isn't that interested in it, could go years without it.
Rose, through her interactions with Jimmy, with Mickey, with Jack, and even with her own mother, has come to equate sex with being needed. They go hand in hand. Says the Doctor (Nine) to Rose at one point: “Are your expectations realistic because that's the way things are, or are things the way they are because of your expectations?”
And yet she can't help but imagine, what it would be like - as he is next to her in the console room as a friend, imagining what it would be like for them together in the bedroom, as lovers.
It was too much for Rose - the powerful fantasy and the reality of this man, laying next to her on the floor. She couldn't tell which one she wanted more, but given the choice, Rose would always choose reality.
Thing is, is it a reality that Rose would really choose? Think about what the Doctor said previously, the whole which-comes-first riddle of expectations and reality. Does Rose choose reality because that's truly what she wants, or because that's what she believes is all she is being offered?
It's not about sex. Rose is never really offered sex, not by the Doctor. She's offered time and space and the world in which to run. Sex is not the question, and it's not the answer, either. It's the byproduct of something much deeper.
"I was never gonna be ready for you," the Doctor said softly. "I was never gonna be ready to... do any of it. The kissing, the promising. It just wasn't gonna happen."
And it wouldn't have, in any life. Except that needing things goes both ways, whether you're human or Time Lord. Rose needed to be needed. So did the Doctor.
...they settled into a sort of pattern. Getting up in the morning, going to work, lots of running, chips or curries or sandwiches for lunch, separating after to go to labs and offices, driving home and gossipping about coworkers or discussing the latest theory in physics.
It's not about sex. It never was.
In short, vote for Evolution of Rose. It's about need and desire and hope and tea. It has Rose from beginning to not quite the end, and yes, it's got sex, but it's far from the most important lesson you'll learn. It's absolutely not about sex, but it does absolutely deserve your vote.
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Death #7408 by hatofhornigold
Category: Crackfic
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Rating: R
Details: Ficlet, complete, 370 words
Why It Rocks:
As hatofhornigold says in the summary for this fic, Jack has had many, many deaths. In fact, so we’re told in Fragments, 1392 deaths. That’s not counting 14 deaths before Torchwood press-gangs Jack into joining in the first place, plus his first at Ellis Island (thanks, msp_hacker!). And, of course, a few deaths after that, including the one on the Dalek Citadel.
At least some of these deaths, hatofhornigold says, had to have been embarrassing. In fact, knowing Jack, I imagine that several of them were acutely embarrassing... or would be if you were anyone else but Jack.
Embarrassing for any other person or persons present, no doubt.
So, the scenario. Imagine, if you will, Jack and Ianto enjoying some peaceful alone-time in the Hub after everyone else has gone home. Apparently apropos of nothing, Ianto comments that they really need to get a bed for the Hub rather than using the couch all the time. Jack doesn’t see the problem, but Ianto points out that:
“I’m just tired of having it cleaned all the time. Other people sit on this couch, you know.”
Remember that little snippet of information. It may come in handy.
Anyway, couches and the need for their cleaning forgotten, Jack and Ianto carry on with their regularly-scheduled extracurricular activities. At this point, you may wish to remember a certain other fact about Jack. In the Doctor Who episode Bad Wolf we discovered that he carries about his person, in an undisclosed but hinted-at location, a compact laser deluxe blaster.
One intensely, astoundingly pleasurable, and intensely, astoundingly painful moment later, Jack Harkness is dead.
Death #7408, of course. Nothing startling to Ianto, one would think: he’s seen Jack die and resurrect many times before. Never quite like this, though:
“Your head blew off. Your head. It blew off.”
There’s definitely something to be said for sex that blows your mind. Unforgettable. But then I read the next line and realised that Ianto meant it literally:
“Your head! It blew off!” He’s really going to have to have the couch cleaned this time.
See? Told you to remember the bit about cleaning the couch!
This is total crackfic, of course, and it’s hilarious; it’s also very much in character, particularly Jack’s own reaction both to his death and its cause. The final conversation - up until when Jack and Ianto decide that there are better things to do than talk - had me grinning, and I don’t even ship Jack/Ianto.
It’s brain-exploding crackfic in a completely literal sense, and it definitely deserves nomination in its category. Read it, enjoy it, and do consider voting for it - but just watch where you’re putting that voting finger, unless you want to cause Death #7409!
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Best Served Hot by Rivendellrose Link goes to Teaspoon
Category: Fourth Doctor Era, Genfic, Ficlet
Fandom: Classic Who
Characters: Sarah Jane Smith, Harry Sullivan
Rating: All Ages
Details: Ficlet, 2100 words, complete
Why It Rocks:
Because revenge really is a dish best served hot, and Harry Sullivan has a long memory.
Even readers not familiar with Classic Who have probably heard of the Fourth Doctor episode Genesis of the Daleks, in which the Doctor is given the mission of travelling to Skaro, to the very creation of the Daleks by Davros, and ordered to mutate or destroy the Daleks to prevent them becoming the most dominant creatures in the universe. Best Served Hot, however, refers to a different murderous creature from that episode. The Doctor and Harry, having escaped from prison, are making their way through the caves when suddenly Harry cries out and is dragged to the ground by an enormous crustacean that’s chewing his leg and apparently trying to eat him alive. Finally, the Doctor is able to free him by wedging the creature’s shell open, while Harry’s humiliated and wonders why he’s always the one putting his foot in it.
Fast-forward, and the story opens with Harry and Sarah, safely back on Earth, going out to dinner. Sarah’s a little bit wary:
“You’re not going to ask me to marry you again, are you? Because last time--”
“No, no. Not now, at any rate. Although if you’ve reconsidered...”
Yes. Poor Harry does always seem to put his foot in it, doesn’t he? Despite being the perfect gentleman, he’s just not quite modern enough for Sarah. Not that she doesn’t like him, or enjoy being with him, or think he’s perfectly sweet and really a useful bloke to have around, but still:
...perhaps there wasn’t exactly an affectionate way to tell a man that you damned well didn’t ever mean to marry him, no matter how many times he asked, no matter how lovely and charming and adorably pathetic he was, or even how good a lover he might happen to be. He could be the best man in the world - he might well be, at least if that world was planet Earth - but she still had no intention of marrying him.
I’m digressing, but really Rivendellrose writes sparkling dialogue for Harry and Sarah, while at the same time showing that, fond though Sarah clearly is of him and besotted as he is with her, they’d make a terrible married couple. What with Sarah’s annoyance at being called old girl and at Harry’s assumption that he can order her meal for her, and her tendency to lecture and rant at him in a way that would probably make most men walk out on her on the spot:
“...Honestly, I don’t know when you’re planning to enter this century, Harry, but I really wish you’d hurry up. So of us are busy getting ready for the next one, and you’re still... lagging behind with the Victorians, wondering why everyone’s wearing polyester scraps at the beach all of a sudden!”
It’s a miracle that they can carry on a civilised conversation! But they can, of course, and it’s clear that Harry’s more than used to Sarah’s righteous anger and more than capable of deflecting it:
It wasn’t the waiter’s fault that he’d stepped into the middle of Sarah on one of her rampages, and Harry was rather of the opinion that allowing the poor fellow to continue in that vein might violate his Hippocratic Oath, or at least implicate him as an accessory to manslaughter.
But why is Harry taking Sarah out to dinner, and making such an event of it, if he’s not planning to propose and it’s not her birthday or his? Simple. It turns out that his entire purpose is to enjoy one particular delicacy in the company of the one person - the Doctor aside - who might understand:
“Clams.”
He nodded, grinning to himself.
“You’re having... the clams.”
He’s having the clams. In white wine and garlic.
“You’re serious. I can’t believe this. You’re seriously ordering the clam dinner... just because some otherworldly clam tried to eat your leg.”
“It would have sucked me in whole if the Doctor hadn’t stopped it,” Harry protested. “It gave it a jolly good try!”
“Couldn’t you just... buy a tin at the supermarket?”
In Harry’s eyes, it really is the perfect revenge - yes, there may also be a hint of an ulterior motive, but really it’s all about the crustaceans. And he’s damn well going to enjoy it, too. He does, too, with a stern speech to his clam-piled plate before he begins eating. Revenge really is best served hot - with a generous helping of melted butter, too.
If you manage to read this fic without laughing out loud at least once, I’ll be amazed. Rivendellrose does an excellent job with humour throughout, as the excerpts I’ve quoted - and there are many more quotable lines - show. Although the occasional Americanism creeps in where the characters wouldn’t use that vocabulary, this really doesn’t detract from the story, which kept me grinning right up until the last line. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch Genesis of the Daleks again without thinking of Harry and his clams.
Definitely deserving of its multiple nominations, this fic needs to be read, served with garlic and savoured. Oh, and voted for, of course!
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The Replacement, by Nonelvis Link goes to Teaspoon
Category: Humor
Fandom: New Who
Characters: The Doctor (10), Donna, Jack
Rating: Teen
Details: Humorous one shot.
Why It Rocks:
Nonelvis had me at the summary:
Jack unexpectedly causes an international incident, and when the Doctor's diplomatic solution fails, it's up to Donna to save the world with her magnificent breasts.
Normally I wouldn't quote a summary in a review, but come on, Catharine Tate has magnificent breasts. The kind of breasts that every little girl dreams of having and every man lusts after. Personally, I found it a little uncomfortable the way the show insisted on covering her up in unflattering and shapeless shifts. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt - that it was a character choice - but still, it's about damn time that someone in the TARDIS noticed just how attractive the woman truly is.
In her story The Replacement, Nonelvis makes a point of celebrating Donna's voluptuous sexuality. The Doctor is in search of a nine-breasted virgin named Kavinka to bless a wedding and bring peace to a war-torn planet. Unfortunately, the blessed virgin isn't a virgin anymore after an earlier meeting with a younger Jack Harkness. She also isn't particularly interested in lying and going back to her old puritanical lifestyle, and who can blame her. On the brighter side, nine-breasted actually means amply breasted, and Kavinka happens to be the spiting image of the one and only fabulous Donna Noble.
Donna lives up to her self-made image of brash self-confidence by taking full advantage of her time in the spotlight.
Even though the ritual dancing only called for Kavinka to circle the couple six times, periodically shaking her breasts at them to enhance fertility, Donna took to the activity with relish. She jiggled fetchingly, her tassels swinging clockwise, anticlockwise, then in opposite directions simultaneously; she wriggled and writhed and bounced until the guests spontaneously burst into wild applause.
After the ceremony, Jack and the Doctor are both in awe of Donna's womanly wiles, and take her back to the TARDIS, promising to worship the goddess as she deserves. As well they should. Really, show, when Captain Jack Harkness chuckles at a woman's sexual advances, there is a problem. Thank you, Nonelvis, for seeing how Jack should have responded when meeting Donna and making up for this egregious oversight.
Of course, there is a lot more to love about The Replacement than Donna's tits. This is a story that is really driven forward by its brilliant banter. The plot of the The Replacement is told almost entirely through dialogue. There are only a few moments that dip into the character's heads. And the descriptive sections setting the scenes are efficient, propelling us into the repartee that is the heart of the fic's humour. In such a format, the character voices are critical, and Nonelvis absolutely delivers.
Then there's the Doctor himself, babbly and wonderful. And despite the fact that he's sexually active and can appreciate an outstanding bosom as much as the next man, he's still alien enough that he isn't entirely clear on all the technical details. His first plan of action is to reinstate Kavinka's virginity. Donna is forced to break the news to him, and does so with her usual direct approach, while still boggling at his strangeness.
"I know for a fact she isn't a virgin anymore. Any way we can fix that?"
"Fix that? There's nothing to fix. You're either a virgin, or you're not. On or off. Black or white. Human, or alien git."
"Donna, I came here for your help. The kind of special help," he said, starting to fidget uncomfortably, "that I think only you as a female can offer."
"You need the special help, all right," Donna muttered.
The Doctor and Donna's relationship and interaction perfectly matches the show - just with a few sexy extras. It's canon, with benefits. Add in Jack, and we have all the ingredients for wonderful adventures with a dynamic threesome. At the time of posting, Nonelvis promised a non-cracky pwp followup, and she made good with The Real Thing. If a hot Donna/Ten/Jack story is relevant to your interests, be sure to check it out. I certainly hope Nonelvis decides to continue even further with this sexy and hysterical verse.
In short, vote for The Replacement. It's sexy, it's witty, it's hilarious. The dialogue is note perfect. And most of all, it does right by all the characters - especially Donna Noble's magnificent breasts.
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Dances in Four Worlds by Mercy Brown Link goes to Teaspoon
Category:
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto Jones, various others
Rating:
Details: One-shot.
Why It Rocks:
Most fandoms, you set up an alternate universe, you have to spend time setting up an alternate universe. Here in the world of Doctor Who, though, alternate universes are, in their own way, canon. It's like a bonus for those of us who don't like how a particular episode turned out; we can just yell ALTERNATE UNIVERSE and carry on the way we see fit. (See the approximately 5 trillion JE fix-it fics for examples.)
But what makes this phenomenon even better is that essentially, all of these AUs are true. So is the case with Dances in Four Worlds - which is essentially exactly what it says on the tin. Cathica shows us four entirely different universes, all or none of which might be accurate, but all of which have four dances. The only thread that remains the same is Ianto Jones. These four dances, essentially, are his. And not just his dances - but pivotal ones at that.
It's the first dance that sets us up - tells us exactly what we are to expect. The first dance, you see, is a dance we know perfectly well did not actually happen in canon: Ianto Jones, and Lisa, dancing at their wedding.
It's also the shortest of the four dances, but it doesn't need to be longer. It has set the tone for the story, told us exactly what we can expect. The four worlds are really four universes, in which Ianto is dancing, with four different people, and for four reasons. Well, maybe four reasons - that's debatable.
Dance Number Two - and no, it's not Lisa. It's Rose Tyler, still in Pete's World, still without her Doctor.
[Ianto's] suit was silky against her skin and he smelt divine, like spice and coffee and musky aftershave. And it was shocking how well he just fit, better than anyone she'd known for all of five minutes had any right to, but there it was.
They swayed slowly, one of his hands pressed at her waist and the other cradling one of hers to his chest, and it felt like something she'd never not done. Could somebody remind you of someone you'd never met? Maybe they'd have done this back in her world eventually, if she'd stayed. What would he have been there?
It doesn't make sense, really, that Rose would feel some sort of a connection with Ianto. And the Ianto she sees is very different from the Ianto we know - he's darker, harder, more mysterious and less open. (Actually, he's a lot like Jack, come to think of it.) But the connection does exist - as we learn in the next world, because the Ianto there is yet a different Ianto than the ones we've seen before:
The north pole of the 6th moon of Invinius, a misshapen bit of rock that had stumbled into orbit and no one had bothered to name.
"Is it stupid that I feel a bit sorry for it?" Ianto asked.
"Sorry for it?" asked the Doctor, his eyebrows arching up cartoonishly. "Whyever would you feel sorry for it?"
I think this is the dance I like the best. This might be because I think Ianto would make a kick-ass companion, but really, it's because when Ianto is with the Doctor, they actually talk. And here, we get to see Ianto be himself, in a way that he hasn't been with Lisa or Rose. This Ianto, in this world, I can actually believe in. Or perhaps he just resonates with me the strongest.
You see, all three Iantos to this point are different people. Ianto with Lisa is happy, giddy, complete. Ianto with Rose is strong, commanding, and confident. Ianto with the Doctor is hesitant, humorous, and fatalistic.
It's the fourth Ianto, however, that brings all three of these Iantos together. This is the Ianto we know.
[Ianto] shoved his hands into his pockets, leaning back against the doorframe with a sigh. He was too exhausted to sustain all the annoyance he'd built up. Still, he'd come here to say this and he'd say it.
Dancing isn't about getting up on a floor and twirling around. There's a reason why the junior high school dance is famous for the 12-year-old boys attempting to bury themselves in the wall. Dancing is emotion set to music. Dancing is a connection to another person; it's not just about feeling the beat of the music, but the beat of each other's hearts.
"You want a demand?" [Ianto] ignored Jack's noise of confused protest as he ducked out of the embrace and crossed the office to the old turntable that sat half-hidden in one corner. He found a record that would do and dropped the needle down. Ianto turned back to Jack. "A demand," he repeated, extending a hand. "A proper dance, no ghosts, no fantasies, just us."
This is Ianto. He's not entirely certain of himself or of Jack, but he doesn't hesitate to ask for what he wants. He's not giddy with joy, but he knows what will make him complete. He doesn't know what's coming, but he's not going to wait for it to arrive.
This is Ianto...dancing.
In short, vote for Dances in Four Worlds. It's a beautiful set of very different dances, all of which have an emotional impact that goes straight to your heart. It shows four sides of Ianto, each better than the one that comes before - and it's even got a Ginger Doctor. (Trust me.) It is absolutely worth your vote.
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Today's Reviews were written by:
gwynevere1: The Ten Weddings of Donna Noble
azriona: Evolution of Rose; Dances in Four Worlds
wendymr: Death #7408; Best Served Hot
gowdie: The Replacement