The Mighty Have Fallen- SPN fic Sam/Gabe
AU- High School Reunion
Warnings: None.
Rating: PG 13 for language.
Summary: Dean dragged Sam along to his High School Reunion. It was the one place he didn't want to be, because tehre was one person he really didn't want to remember.
(----*-----)
Sam scowled across the roof of the car at his brother as they got out and stood in front of the West Thirty seventh street school.
“I hate you.”
“Aw, c’mon.” Dean grinned, still hoping he could make a good evening of it. “It’ll be fun. You’ll get to see how all the other bozos from high school did. Get to see whether any of your ex girlfriends turned out hot…”
“Dean, this is your graduating class reunion.” Sam scowled. “I was two years below you. I shouldn’t even be here.”
“Hey, I’m not doing this on my own. If you’re that embarrassed, you can pretend you’re my date and we’ll really freak ‘em out.”
“There is something really, really wrong with you.”
Dean locked the car door, straightened his tie and turned his back on Sam.
“If you don’t want me to treat you like you’re being a pissy bitch, stop acting like one.”
“Jerk!” Sam yelled, but reluctantly dragged his feet after Dean. Stupid Dean dragging him along to his stupid ten year high school reunion. Sam had to actually fight back a shudder as he ducked his head and glared at the halls of the hell hole he had sworn he’d never return to.
Ok, maybe that was a tad dramatic. It wasn’t like Sam had had that bad a time at high school. Sure he’d been a nerd and something of a late bloomer, but he’d had friends and good grades, and on the whole he’d had a relatively good ride.
Except for Gabriel.
Gabriel Holman had been the absolute bane of Sam’s life from the first day of high school to the point the evil bastard had somehow managed to graduate. So, the second two years of Sam’s high school experience had been bliss. He supposed he could only hope that no one would recognise him.
“Sam!” The shrill voice tore through the tiny bubble of hope in much the way an armour piercing bullet would tear through several major arteries. “And… Dean… Hi, you guys!”
“Becky!” Dean smiled, shooting Sam a smug grin as they approached the reception. “Now what are you doing trying to sneak in with the seniors? Not trying to go for a repeat of prom, are you?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Becky blushed. “I work here now, I’m the head of admin, I would never… Just shut up and go inside.” She blushed and ticked his name off the RSVP list before smiling up at Sam. “You haven’t changed at all Sam. It’s amazing seeing you after all this time…”
“Yeah…” Sam cleared his throat, and glanced around awkwardly. Becky had been the head of the school newspaper and his number one fan, and it seemed her crush was far from gone. “It, uh… it’s good seeing you too. I, uh… I should…” Sam slipped through the doors to the gymnasium and quickly hurried after Dean, hoping Becky was the only person who’d recognise him.
The gymnasium had been decked in banners and crepe streamers of the blue and white school colours, and the light that flooded from the old school disco deck was the only one that illuminated the hall. Sam found himself suffering uncomfortable adolescent school dance flashbacks.
“Dude.” Dean grinned, slapping Sam on the back. “Open bar. Ex-cheerleaders. Go find us a table.”
“Jerk.” Sam repeated, before stumbling over to a free table. He scanned the crowd, picking out vaguely familiar faces which had been warped by the passage of time. The music, similarly, had also been warped through the passage of time, as some idiot had clearly been thought it would be cutesy and nostalgic.
“Ugh. Someone shoot the DJ, am I right?”
Sam sat bolt upright as he heard the voice he had been dreading, before turning and seeing…
Wow.
While Sam had maybe been sixteen before he leapt over the five and a half foot mark, apparently Gabriel had hit that mark at fourteen and not gone further. The big bully, it seemed, was not so big any more.
“I think I’d remember a pretty face like that in our graduating class… you’re someone’s date, right?”
“Uh…” Sam blinked, torn between keeping his head low out of instinct and kind of wanting to throw this shrimp to the floor and mock him.
Not that he held a grudge for the years of torment, teasing and immature pranks or anything.
However, as immediately as Sam had recognised Gabriel, Gabriel seemed genuinely clueless as to Sam’s identity. Which meant Sam could get out of this evening unscathed. Or, even better, have some fun.
“Sort of.” Sam said, shrugging. “So what were you, valedictorian? President? Class clown?”
“Eh, little of all three.” Gabriel grinned, holding out his hand. “Depending on who you talk to.”
“A real triple threat, huh?” Sam grinned. “So what is it you do?”
Gabriel shrugged, tapping his fingers nervously against his beer bottle.
“I’m, uh… I’m in the process of opening my own business. Practical jokes, magic tricks, special effects stuff…” He shrugged at Sam’s raised eyebrows. “It’s a profitable niche. Plus I get to play with all the stock.”
“Cool.” Sam said, hiding the fact that he had been secretly hoping he’d gotten a job being a carwash mascot or something.
“Yeah… just wish I’d paid more attention in math; the bank is screwing my ass on this loan.”
“Aw, that sucks.” Sam said, refraining from punching the air in victory. Yeah he should have paid attention in math class. He also should have done his own damn homework.
“Yeah. So, uh, who are you here with, if you don’t mind my asking?”
“Uh, Dean Winchester.” Sam gestured vaguely at the bar, standing as he did so, under the guise of taking off his jacket. In reality, he was having way too much fun lording over the fallen bully.
“Really? Always liked him.” Gabriel nodded. “He was a dick, back in the day, but then, I was too. Still am, really, but I hope I’m not as bad nowadays.”
“You?” Sam smirked. “I mean, not for nothing, but you don’t look too threatening.”
“Yeah, well, I was something of a stereotype.” Gabriel smiled bitterly, fixing Sam with a wry grin. “A kid who got all his growing out of the way early, inadequacy complex, overlooked middle-child, not to mention a total closet case…” Gabriel gave Sam a smile that made him very suddenly feel like the worst human being on earth. Gabriel seemed surprisingly humble in his estimation of himself, almost penitent. “I did some bad shit to make people think I was fun. Kind of glad Dean’s here actually, I’m… um… I need to say some stuff to him.”
Gabriel patted Sam on the arm and left, wandering over towards the bar. It was then that Sam saw the bottle he’d left behind; not of beer, as he’d presumed. Gabriel had been drinking non-alcoholic stuff. Sam had a very bad feeling about this.
Meanwhile, at the bar, Gabriel had found his old classmate.
“Dean! You son of a bitch, how are you?”
“Gabriel?” Dean grinned down at him, tearing his eyes away from the crowd. “Dude, you haven’t changed at all. How are you?”
“Not bad, not bad. Listen, I, uh… I’d love to catch up, but I want to say something first, ok?”
“Sure, dude.”
“I’m sorry I screwed with you so much through high school. And for how I screwed with your brother, too. The past ten years have, uh… they’ve taught me how to treat friends right. So I just… I wanted to apologise.”
Dean stared at him for a moment, surprised.
“Ok… Well, yeah. Apology accepted. Whatever. Can I get you a drink? They’ve got good beer for once…”
“No, thanks, I’m… um… not drinking.”
Dean shrugged.
“So are you here with anyone, or..?”
“No, I’m on my own. But, uh, who’s that hot piece of ass you’re here with? Never had you pegged as a man’s man.”
“What?” Dean laughed, shaking his head. “Dude, that’s Sam.”
“Sam?”
“My brother?”
Gabriel looked back towards the table. Sam had already gone.
(--*--)
In the corridor, Sam was already storming towards the doors. Becky looked up from where she was checking a few latecomers off the list.
“Hey, Sam? What’s…”
“Not now, Becky.”
“Sam!” Gabriel was running after him; Sam only just made it outside before the smaller man caught up with him. “Sam, would you wait up? I just want…”
“Want to say what?” Sam spun around, finding it ridiculous that, after all this time, Gabriel could still mess with his head so easily. “Want to do what? What haven’t you done yet? What haven’t you put me through?”
“I want to say sorry.” Gabriel blurted out, before catching hold of himself and taking a breath. “I… I want to say that I did some stupid stuff, and I know it won’t make it better, but I… I wronged you and I should at least apologise.”
“You ‘wronged’ me?” Sam repeated, clinging desperately to his anger. Anger was an emotion he could understand and use right now. “You outed me, Gabriel.”
“Hey, I just… I started a rumour, I had no idea it was true. If I’d have known how your parents…”
“Yeah, but you didn’t. You just made my life hell for two years. Do you have any idea what that’s like? To be forced to confront and…. And defend this part of you that you can’t understand because you’re only fourteen years old?”
“No. No, I have no idea how you would have felt. I can’t imagine going through what I did to you, and I’m sorry. But… but I only did it because…”
“Because you were a closet case yourself, yeah. I got that. Look, just… leave me alone, ok? I don’t want to talk to you. The day you graduated was the day I realised you can be out of my life forever.”
“Sam. I’m not asking that you like me, I just… I’m just asking your forgiveness…”
“Why?” Sam shouted, his emotions getting the better of him. Fuck it, he was allowed to be angry, he’d suffered enough, without a re-enactment. And the thing that was aggravating him the most was the fact that Gabriel was just standing there and taking it, free of the cocky grin and taunting smirk that had plagued Sam for two whole years. It was just like him to change the rules as soon as Sam felt like he’d got a handle on the game. “Why now? Why, after all this time, do you have to make me like you? What are you, in the Twelve Steps or something?”
“Yes.”
That pulled the metaphorical rug out from under Sam’s feet. Then it rolled the rug up and beat Sam over the head with it. He stared at Gabriel, who was clinging tensely to what fleeting shards of dignity he could hold on to. His face was a collection of cold, hard lines.
Sam tried to back-pedal. All that did was send his mouth working, free of words. This, at least, made Gabriel smirk.
“There was a lot… I mean, a lot that I hated about myself in high school. And after I graduated, those things didn’t really get any better. There was college, and… a whole ton of drama there, which is frankly none of your business, but the upshot of it all was a sad, broken man, living a lie and using the magic of alcohol to pretend he was someone else. But… I’ve cleaned up. I’m sober, have been for seventeen months. And I’m apologising to all the people I’ve wronged in life. So, here I am. Not asking you to like me, not asking you to give a shit, just asking that you understand and forgive my… “misguided actions”. I’m sorry. All the hell I put you through, the way I screwed with Dean… I’m sorry. And… well, that’s it.”
Gabriel stuck his hands in his pockets, and started heading back inside. He shot one last smile at Sam.
“You look great, by the way. Good to know some of us made it out alive, huh?”
With a jaunty whistle and a quick salute to Becky, Gabriel wandered back into the hall.
He picked up his non-alcoholic bottled cat’s piss (it may as well have been, for what it tasted like), and watched old friends reunite under the tacky patterned lighting cast by ancient disco balls. Sighing, he sat back in his chair and let himself get lost in thought.
After a while, he felt, more than saw, someone sit next to him.
“You know…” Sam said, in the voice of someone who knew he should just leave old wounds alone but was resigned to the fact that he couldn’t, “the thing that hurt most about what you did to me? It was that I kind of liked the attention.”
Gabriel raised an eyebrow at him. Sam nodded.
“I mean, I’ve heard some real horror stories about kids who got bullied, and I think I can safely say that I got off easy, really. A little name-calling, rumour spreading… I mean yeah, it hurt, but it wasn’t like you tried to kill me or anything. And, like I said, a sick, small part of me liked the attention. It was the part of me that wanted outing, that wanted to be proud. It wanted to be like you.”
“You don’t want to be like me.” Gabriel said, a trace of bitter laughter in his voice. Sam shook his head.
“No, I don’t mean… from what I could see, as a weedy little fourteen year old, was this kid who was taller than me, wore cooler clothes, and was smart in a way that I wasn’t. You had this…. Lazy intelligence thing going on. You half assed all year ‘round then pulled it out on your SATs and stuff. And you were funny. There wasn’t a person in the school who didn’t at least find you funny, even if they didn’t like you. And… I don’t know, I guess I kind of wanted to be like that.”
“Wow.” Gabriel said, taking another swig from his non-alcoholic beer and grimacing, partly at the taste and partly at the new information. “So that makes my two years of torment more tactless, huh?”
“Yeah…” Sam cleared his throat, awkwardly. “Look, you don’t mind if I drink, do you? I don’t want to, you know, put pressure on you or anything.”
“No, it’s good.” Gabriel smiled. “I can take it. I have my artificial badger spit.” He waved the bottle at Sam, who smiled as he went to get his own drink.
“Mm...” Gabriel muttered to himself, as he took another swig. “Punishment.”
(--*--)
Dean had disappeared with the ex-head cheerleader to “relive the old days”, possibly in the janitor’s closet. And, given the amount of beer he’d drunk, it would probably be a historically accurate performance, too. This left Sam and Gabriel at their table alone. Gabriel smirked at Sam.
“How does someone ten feet tall and nine feet across get drunk on two bottles?”
“I’m not drunk.” Sam drawled. And he wasn’t. Well, not totally. He wasn’t as far gone as Dean, so he could still claim the moral high ground. “I just… I’ve had, like a burrito. One. All day.”
“Tsk. Amateur.”
“Sorry, man, this must be…” Sam pushed his bottle aside and tried to sit up straight. “This must be murder for you. Look, let’s… go get some air, I’ll sober up.”
“I’m fine.” Gabriel said, leaning back in his chair. “Really.”
“Ok, good, ‘cause I’m gonna need at least ten minutes preparation time before I walk anywhere.”
Gabriel snorted, rolling his eyes as another god-awful song from their adolescence blared over the speakers.
“Quick, talk over it.”
“I’m sorry. What I said earlier. When you were trying to apologise. I was rude.”
“It’s ok. You probably took it better than I expected.”
“Yeah… wait, what?”
“What?”
“Are you asking if I… you know, anal? Did you just say I probably take it better than you thought?”
“No…”
“Yeah you did, you said I take it…”
“Sam, I did not say that, you’re just drunk and deaf.”
“Oh…” Sam shrugged, smiling at the table. “You know… I kind of had a crush on you, back in the day.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It was why the whole thing confused me so much. Teenage me had a big, subby crush on you.”
“You’re an emotional masochist. Who knew?”
“Yeah… You remember that year when your gym class ended right when mine started, so both classes ended up in the locker rooms at the same time?”
“Yeah?”
“I… I kind of perved on you. Just once or twice, and I only looked a little bit. But yeah, if we’re apologising for things, I should apologise for that.”
“Huh.” Gabriel smirked, before glancing around and standing up. “Come on.”
“Where’re we going?”
“We’re getting you sober. I do not need someone else’s drunken mistakes on my conscience too.”
And so they ended up by the water fountain in the gym corridor, Sam gulping in water and Gabriel holding open a nearby door so they both got some fresh air. Eventually, Sam went outside and breathed in the night, already feeling more level headed.
“Working?”
“Yeah.”
“Regretting what you’ve told me yet?”
Sam thought for a moment.
“No.”
“Good.” Gabriel strolled up to him, fixing him with the mischievous, teasing smirk that was so familiar, but somehow had taken on a whole new meaning. Or maybe this was just the first time Sam really understood it. “Want to sneak off behind the science lab and make out?”
“It takes you ten years, and this is how you ask?” Sam smirked. Gabriel shrugged, his eyes shining with that smirk.
“Like I said, I was a dick back then and I’m probably no better now. You may as well know what you’re getting yourself in for.”
Sam knew. And he really, honestly, didn’t mind.
Warnings: None.
Rating: PG 13 for language.
Summary: Dean dragged Sam along to his High School Reunion. It was the one place he didn't want to be, because tehre was one person he really didn't want to remember.
(----*-----)
Sam scowled across the roof of the car at his brother as they got out and stood in front of the West Thirty seventh street school.
“I hate you.”
“Aw, c’mon.” Dean grinned, still hoping he could make a good evening of it. “It’ll be fun. You’ll get to see how all the other bozos from high school did. Get to see whether any of your ex girlfriends turned out hot…”
“Dean, this is your graduating class reunion.” Sam scowled. “I was two years below you. I shouldn’t even be here.”
“Hey, I’m not doing this on my own. If you’re that embarrassed, you can pretend you’re my date and we’ll really freak ‘em out.”
“There is something really, really wrong with you.”
Dean locked the car door, straightened his tie and turned his back on Sam.
“If you don’t want me to treat you like you’re being a pissy bitch, stop acting like one.”
“Jerk!” Sam yelled, but reluctantly dragged his feet after Dean. Stupid Dean dragging him along to his stupid ten year high school reunion. Sam had to actually fight back a shudder as he ducked his head and glared at the halls of the hell hole he had sworn he’d never return to.
Ok, maybe that was a tad dramatic. It wasn’t like Sam had had that bad a time at high school. Sure he’d been a nerd and something of a late bloomer, but he’d had friends and good grades, and on the whole he’d had a relatively good ride.
Except for Gabriel.
Gabriel Holman had been the absolute bane of Sam’s life from the first day of high school to the point the evil bastard had somehow managed to graduate. So, the second two years of Sam’s high school experience had been bliss. He supposed he could only hope that no one would recognise him.
“Sam!” The shrill voice tore through the tiny bubble of hope in much the way an armour piercing bullet would tear through several major arteries. “And… Dean… Hi, you guys!”
“Becky!” Dean smiled, shooting Sam a smug grin as they approached the reception. “Now what are you doing trying to sneak in with the seniors? Not trying to go for a repeat of prom, are you?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Becky blushed. “I work here now, I’m the head of admin, I would never… Just shut up and go inside.” She blushed and ticked his name off the RSVP list before smiling up at Sam. “You haven’t changed at all Sam. It’s amazing seeing you after all this time…”
“Yeah…” Sam cleared his throat, and glanced around awkwardly. Becky had been the head of the school newspaper and his number one fan, and it seemed her crush was far from gone. “It, uh… it’s good seeing you too. I, uh… I should…” Sam slipped through the doors to the gymnasium and quickly hurried after Dean, hoping Becky was the only person who’d recognise him.
The gymnasium had been decked in banners and crepe streamers of the blue and white school colours, and the light that flooded from the old school disco deck was the only one that illuminated the hall. Sam found himself suffering uncomfortable adolescent school dance flashbacks.
“Dude.” Dean grinned, slapping Sam on the back. “Open bar. Ex-cheerleaders. Go find us a table.”
“Jerk.” Sam repeated, before stumbling over to a free table. He scanned the crowd, picking out vaguely familiar faces which had been warped by the passage of time. The music, similarly, had also been warped through the passage of time, as some idiot had clearly been thought it would be cutesy and nostalgic.
“Ugh. Someone shoot the DJ, am I right?”
Sam sat bolt upright as he heard the voice he had been dreading, before turning and seeing…
Wow.
While Sam had maybe been sixteen before he leapt over the five and a half foot mark, apparently Gabriel had hit that mark at fourteen and not gone further. The big bully, it seemed, was not so big any more.
“I think I’d remember a pretty face like that in our graduating class… you’re someone’s date, right?”
“Uh…” Sam blinked, torn between keeping his head low out of instinct and kind of wanting to throw this shrimp to the floor and mock him.
Not that he held a grudge for the years of torment, teasing and immature pranks or anything.
However, as immediately as Sam had recognised Gabriel, Gabriel seemed genuinely clueless as to Sam’s identity. Which meant Sam could get out of this evening unscathed. Or, even better, have some fun.
“Sort of.” Sam said, shrugging. “So what were you, valedictorian? President? Class clown?”
“Eh, little of all three.” Gabriel grinned, holding out his hand. “Depending on who you talk to.”
“A real triple threat, huh?” Sam grinned. “So what is it you do?”
Gabriel shrugged, tapping his fingers nervously against his beer bottle.
“I’m, uh… I’m in the process of opening my own business. Practical jokes, magic tricks, special effects stuff…” He shrugged at Sam’s raised eyebrows. “It’s a profitable niche. Plus I get to play with all the stock.”
“Cool.” Sam said, hiding the fact that he had been secretly hoping he’d gotten a job being a carwash mascot or something.
“Yeah… just wish I’d paid more attention in math; the bank is screwing my ass on this loan.”
“Aw, that sucks.” Sam said, refraining from punching the air in victory. Yeah he should have paid attention in math class. He also should have done his own damn homework.
“Yeah. So, uh, who are you here with, if you don’t mind my asking?”
“Uh, Dean Winchester.” Sam gestured vaguely at the bar, standing as he did so, under the guise of taking off his jacket. In reality, he was having way too much fun lording over the fallen bully.
“Really? Always liked him.” Gabriel nodded. “He was a dick, back in the day, but then, I was too. Still am, really, but I hope I’m not as bad nowadays.”
“You?” Sam smirked. “I mean, not for nothing, but you don’t look too threatening.”
“Yeah, well, I was something of a stereotype.” Gabriel smiled bitterly, fixing Sam with a wry grin. “A kid who got all his growing out of the way early, inadequacy complex, overlooked middle-child, not to mention a total closet case…” Gabriel gave Sam a smile that made him very suddenly feel like the worst human being on earth. Gabriel seemed surprisingly humble in his estimation of himself, almost penitent. “I did some bad shit to make people think I was fun. Kind of glad Dean’s here actually, I’m… um… I need to say some stuff to him.”
Gabriel patted Sam on the arm and left, wandering over towards the bar. It was then that Sam saw the bottle he’d left behind; not of beer, as he’d presumed. Gabriel had been drinking non-alcoholic stuff. Sam had a very bad feeling about this.
Meanwhile, at the bar, Gabriel had found his old classmate.
“Dean! You son of a bitch, how are you?”
“Gabriel?” Dean grinned down at him, tearing his eyes away from the crowd. “Dude, you haven’t changed at all. How are you?”
“Not bad, not bad. Listen, I, uh… I’d love to catch up, but I want to say something first, ok?”
“Sure, dude.”
“I’m sorry I screwed with you so much through high school. And for how I screwed with your brother, too. The past ten years have, uh… they’ve taught me how to treat friends right. So I just… I wanted to apologise.”
Dean stared at him for a moment, surprised.
“Ok… Well, yeah. Apology accepted. Whatever. Can I get you a drink? They’ve got good beer for once…”
“No, thanks, I’m… um… not drinking.”
Dean shrugged.
“So are you here with anyone, or..?”
“No, I’m on my own. But, uh, who’s that hot piece of ass you’re here with? Never had you pegged as a man’s man.”
“What?” Dean laughed, shaking his head. “Dude, that’s Sam.”
“Sam?”
“My brother?”
Gabriel looked back towards the table. Sam had already gone.
(--*--)
In the corridor, Sam was already storming towards the doors. Becky looked up from where she was checking a few latecomers off the list.
“Hey, Sam? What’s…”
“Not now, Becky.”
“Sam!” Gabriel was running after him; Sam only just made it outside before the smaller man caught up with him. “Sam, would you wait up? I just want…”
“Want to say what?” Sam spun around, finding it ridiculous that, after all this time, Gabriel could still mess with his head so easily. “Want to do what? What haven’t you done yet? What haven’t you put me through?”
“I want to say sorry.” Gabriel blurted out, before catching hold of himself and taking a breath. “I… I want to say that I did some stupid stuff, and I know it won’t make it better, but I… I wronged you and I should at least apologise.”
“You ‘wronged’ me?” Sam repeated, clinging desperately to his anger. Anger was an emotion he could understand and use right now. “You outed me, Gabriel.”
“Hey, I just… I started a rumour, I had no idea it was true. If I’d have known how your parents…”
“Yeah, but you didn’t. You just made my life hell for two years. Do you have any idea what that’s like? To be forced to confront and…. And defend this part of you that you can’t understand because you’re only fourteen years old?”
“No. No, I have no idea how you would have felt. I can’t imagine going through what I did to you, and I’m sorry. But… but I only did it because…”
“Because you were a closet case yourself, yeah. I got that. Look, just… leave me alone, ok? I don’t want to talk to you. The day you graduated was the day I realised you can be out of my life forever.”
“Sam. I’m not asking that you like me, I just… I’m just asking your forgiveness…”
“Why?” Sam shouted, his emotions getting the better of him. Fuck it, he was allowed to be angry, he’d suffered enough, without a re-enactment. And the thing that was aggravating him the most was the fact that Gabriel was just standing there and taking it, free of the cocky grin and taunting smirk that had plagued Sam for two whole years. It was just like him to change the rules as soon as Sam felt like he’d got a handle on the game. “Why now? Why, after all this time, do you have to make me like you? What are you, in the Twelve Steps or something?”
“Yes.”
That pulled the metaphorical rug out from under Sam’s feet. Then it rolled the rug up and beat Sam over the head with it. He stared at Gabriel, who was clinging tensely to what fleeting shards of dignity he could hold on to. His face was a collection of cold, hard lines.
Sam tried to back-pedal. All that did was send his mouth working, free of words. This, at least, made Gabriel smirk.
“There was a lot… I mean, a lot that I hated about myself in high school. And after I graduated, those things didn’t really get any better. There was college, and… a whole ton of drama there, which is frankly none of your business, but the upshot of it all was a sad, broken man, living a lie and using the magic of alcohol to pretend he was someone else. But… I’ve cleaned up. I’m sober, have been for seventeen months. And I’m apologising to all the people I’ve wronged in life. So, here I am. Not asking you to like me, not asking you to give a shit, just asking that you understand and forgive my… “misguided actions”. I’m sorry. All the hell I put you through, the way I screwed with Dean… I’m sorry. And… well, that’s it.”
Gabriel stuck his hands in his pockets, and started heading back inside. He shot one last smile at Sam.
“You look great, by the way. Good to know some of us made it out alive, huh?”
With a jaunty whistle and a quick salute to Becky, Gabriel wandered back into the hall.
He picked up his non-alcoholic bottled cat’s piss (it may as well have been, for what it tasted like), and watched old friends reunite under the tacky patterned lighting cast by ancient disco balls. Sighing, he sat back in his chair and let himself get lost in thought.
After a while, he felt, more than saw, someone sit next to him.
“You know…” Sam said, in the voice of someone who knew he should just leave old wounds alone but was resigned to the fact that he couldn’t, “the thing that hurt most about what you did to me? It was that I kind of liked the attention.”
Gabriel raised an eyebrow at him. Sam nodded.
“I mean, I’ve heard some real horror stories about kids who got bullied, and I think I can safely say that I got off easy, really. A little name-calling, rumour spreading… I mean yeah, it hurt, but it wasn’t like you tried to kill me or anything. And, like I said, a sick, small part of me liked the attention. It was the part of me that wanted outing, that wanted to be proud. It wanted to be like you.”
“You don’t want to be like me.” Gabriel said, a trace of bitter laughter in his voice. Sam shook his head.
“No, I don’t mean… from what I could see, as a weedy little fourteen year old, was this kid who was taller than me, wore cooler clothes, and was smart in a way that I wasn’t. You had this…. Lazy intelligence thing going on. You half assed all year ‘round then pulled it out on your SATs and stuff. And you were funny. There wasn’t a person in the school who didn’t at least find you funny, even if they didn’t like you. And… I don’t know, I guess I kind of wanted to be like that.”
“Wow.” Gabriel said, taking another swig from his non-alcoholic beer and grimacing, partly at the taste and partly at the new information. “So that makes my two years of torment more tactless, huh?”
“Yeah…” Sam cleared his throat, awkwardly. “Look, you don’t mind if I drink, do you? I don’t want to, you know, put pressure on you or anything.”
“No, it’s good.” Gabriel smiled. “I can take it. I have my artificial badger spit.” He waved the bottle at Sam, who smiled as he went to get his own drink.
“Mm...” Gabriel muttered to himself, as he took another swig. “Punishment.”
(--*--)
Dean had disappeared with the ex-head cheerleader to “relive the old days”, possibly in the janitor’s closet. And, given the amount of beer he’d drunk, it would probably be a historically accurate performance, too. This left Sam and Gabriel at their table alone. Gabriel smirked at Sam.
“How does someone ten feet tall and nine feet across get drunk on two bottles?”
“I’m not drunk.” Sam drawled. And he wasn’t. Well, not totally. He wasn’t as far gone as Dean, so he could still claim the moral high ground. “I just… I’ve had, like a burrito. One. All day.”
“Tsk. Amateur.”
“Sorry, man, this must be…” Sam pushed his bottle aside and tried to sit up straight. “This must be murder for you. Look, let’s… go get some air, I’ll sober up.”
“I’m fine.” Gabriel said, leaning back in his chair. “Really.”
“Ok, good, ‘cause I’m gonna need at least ten minutes preparation time before I walk anywhere.”
Gabriel snorted, rolling his eyes as another god-awful song from their adolescence blared over the speakers.
“Quick, talk over it.”
“I’m sorry. What I said earlier. When you were trying to apologise. I was rude.”
“It’s ok. You probably took it better than I expected.”
“Yeah… wait, what?”
“What?”
“Are you asking if I… you know, anal? Did you just say I probably take it better than you thought?”
“No…”
“Yeah you did, you said I take it…”
“Sam, I did not say that, you’re just drunk and deaf.”
“Oh…” Sam shrugged, smiling at the table. “You know… I kind of had a crush on you, back in the day.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It was why the whole thing confused me so much. Teenage me had a big, subby crush on you.”
“You’re an emotional masochist. Who knew?”
“Yeah… You remember that year when your gym class ended right when mine started, so both classes ended up in the locker rooms at the same time?”
“Yeah?”
“I… I kind of perved on you. Just once or twice, and I only looked a little bit. But yeah, if we’re apologising for things, I should apologise for that.”
“Huh.” Gabriel smirked, before glancing around and standing up. “Come on.”
“Where’re we going?”
“We’re getting you sober. I do not need someone else’s drunken mistakes on my conscience too.”
And so they ended up by the water fountain in the gym corridor, Sam gulping in water and Gabriel holding open a nearby door so they both got some fresh air. Eventually, Sam went outside and breathed in the night, already feeling more level headed.
“Working?”
“Yeah.”
“Regretting what you’ve told me yet?”
Sam thought for a moment.
“No.”
“Good.” Gabriel strolled up to him, fixing him with the mischievous, teasing smirk that was so familiar, but somehow had taken on a whole new meaning. Or maybe this was just the first time Sam really understood it. “Want to sneak off behind the science lab and make out?”
“It takes you ten years, and this is how you ask?” Sam smirked. Gabriel shrugged, his eyes shining with that smirk.
“Like I said, I was a dick back then and I’m probably no better now. You may as well know what you’re getting yourself in for.”
Sam knew. And he really, honestly, didn’t mind.