"Never Underestimate The Power of Bacon"
AKA "Muchies"
Dean/Cas
Highschool AU
Stoner!Cas
Drug use, language, boys kissing boys, BACON!
(--*--)
When you’d had as… eventful a childhood as Dean had, you soon found a set of rules to live by. One of Dean’s rules was that he never, ever got high, nor did any sort of illegal drugs.
Unless he was offered them by Castiel.
Castiel was not your stereotypical stoner. If anything he was something of a super-brain, but most class-mates saw that he was so dorky he circled back around to being awesome. Castiel lived in a huge house with his older brother, because his parents were never around and his other, adult siblings had all moved out. Castiel got all his drugs from one of the absentee brothers, so he knew they were safe, and had the bonus of a family discount as long as he promised not to tell his parents.
It was for the purpose of abusing such a discount that Dean was currently standing on Castiel’s doorstep, hands deep in his pockets, and his inner child overjoyed at the fact that he was blowing off homework for this. Sam, who was still a junior, had given Dean a look that could fell an ox as he left, which just made not revising for finals all the sweeter.
The door was opened by Castiel’s older brother, Gabriel, who did not look his usual, flippant self.
“Oh, god, it’s you.” Gabriel scowled, before walking away from the front door and kicking open another one nearby, which Dean knew led to the study. “Castiel! Your future bum of a friend is here! Drag your asses up to your room, stay there, and if you come anywhere near my kitchen I’ll make you eat your own damn fingers!”
Gabriel stormed off, as Dean stepped into the ridiculously large house. Castiel appeared in the doorway, standard mismatched clothes and bed-hair in place.
“Dean! Tonight will be the most awesome night of the week.”
“Really? What’s so awesome?”
“We will be getting high and watching Back to the Future.” Castiel grinned and started upstairs. Dean followed him.
“How is that any different to last week?”
“This week, I have Back to the Future two.”
They got to Castiel’s room, which looked kind of like a Zelda game had exploded, and sat down in front of his TV. Dean watched in amazement as Castiel’s long, dextrous fingers masterfully rolled a very fat joint.
“You have no clue how much I need this… make Gabriel seem slightly less like a total dick-nugget.”
“Hey yeah.” Dean leant back against the wall. “What’s with him?”
“He’s got some big party tomorrow that his boss has let him be in charge of catering. It’s his big break or whatever, and he’s stressed as all shit.”
“Oh.” Dean laughed. “I haven’t seen him that mad since we changed the combination on his candy safe.”
“Served him right for having a candy safe. Tool.”
“Douche.” Dean agreed.
“Ahem.” Gabriel was leaning against the doorway, very unimpressed. “I take it the two of you are being illegal again tonight?”
“You make it sound so cool, Gabe.”
“Yeah, whatever. Only weed, right?”
“Of course, Gabriel, I’m not stupid.”
“Well, that’s debatable. Listen, I’ve got forty five chicken breasts, individually stuffed with cheese and garlic butter and wrapped with bacon in the fridge. You touch them, hell, you go in the kitchen, and I will kill you dead.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“I’m serious.” Gabriel stood over Castiel, delighting in the fact that since Castiel was too lazy to get up, he was in a rare position of actually looking as threatening as he sounded. “If you even go downstairs while you’re in your Canadian mind, I will murder you. And I’m not just talking stab and bury. I’m talking strangle with a dish-cloth, burn the corpse, use the ashes to make fireworks that explode into the sky and spell out “Castiel was a dick who got what he deserved”. And then, because Dean would have made himself an accomplice, I would mail him a tape of me screwing his brother.”
“Ew, dude!”
“Yeah. Stay out of my kitchen. I’m going out.”
Gabriel shot them both one last glare, and left. Castiel grabbed Dean’s lighter from the foot of the bed, lit up, and slowly inhaled. He let the smoke escape his lips as he handed the joint to Dean, before smiling wickedly.
“Hey Dean?”
“Yeah?” Dean smiled, enjoying the smooth taste of the weed.
“Want some dinner?”
(--*--)
“Shit-fuck!” Castiel hissed, recoiling and shaking his hand to cool the burn on his fingertips. “Fucking cheese-burn.” Castiel only swore
when he was high, and Dean always found it hilarious.
“Douche… this is why you’re not supposed to cook while you’re high.”
“Yeah, well, I can’t make rational decisions, I’m high. Fuck it, we’ll eat them off the damn grill.”
Abandoning plates all together, Dean and Castiel tore into the bacon-wrapped chicken breasts.
“Umf…” Dean mumbled, eyes closed. “These are amazing.”
“I know, right?”
“How are these so good?”
“It’s the bacon.” Castiel grinned, between bites. “Bacon makes everything taste awesome.”
“Mmf.” Dean agreed, resuming the serious business of gluttony. Castiel laughed, and Dean glared at him until he was done chewing and could speak. “What?”
“Is that what you sound like when you have sex?”
“Shut up.”
“You were making sex noises over Gabriel’s chicken.”
“Shut up.”
“Dude, Gabriel’s breasts made you orgasm.”
“Fuck off!” Dean punched Castiel’s arm, making him laugh more.
“Oh, this is too good… we should steal his chocolate bars for dessert.”
“And wrap them in bacon.”
Castiel gazed upon Dean as if he had declared the very word of God.
“Let’s do it.”
(--*--)
Twenty minutes later, Dean and Castiel were half sitting, half lying across Castiel’s bed, feeling sick and joyous and stoned and laughing more than they had in a long while.
“That was the worst idea you’ve ever had.” Castiel laughed, turning weary eyes on Dean. “You douche, you’ve still got crap all over your face.”
“Seriously?” Dean laughed back.
“Yeah, it’s chocolate or bacon grease or something. Here.” Without thinking, Castiel reached over and wiped the smudge of grease away from the corner of Dean’s mouth. In that moment, their eyes met, and Dean found himself holding his breath.
“Sorry.” Castiel mumbled, retracting his thumb and wiping the grease off against his other hand.
“Sorry for what?”
“Last time we… Last time I did something like that, you freaked out.”
“Cas?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you in love with me?”
Castiel sighed, produced his stash tin from his pocket, and started rolling a second joint.
“Cas?”
“Yeah. I think I am.”
“Ok.” Dean nodded, giving him his lighter, and waiting for his turn to take a hit. “See now I know that, it makes a lot more sense.”
“So you won’t freak out?” Castiel breathed, filling the space around them with plumes of smoke as he handed the joint to Dean.
“No.” Dean said, not sure whether it was his own tiredness, the food coma or the marijuana that was making him so able to deal with what was happening. He inhaled slowly, holding the smoke inside himself for as long as possible before letting go. He rolled onto his side, and felt his hand slip effortlessly across Castiel’s cheek.
“Besides, now I can see if it’s true.”
“What?”
“If bacon really does make everything taste awesome.”
He leant in, his hand moving to the back of Castiel’s neck as they kissed, tasting, touching and smelling in a medley of confused and blissful senses.
Dean/Cas
Highschool AU
Stoner!Cas
Drug use, language, boys kissing boys, BACON!
(--*--)
When you’d had as… eventful a childhood as Dean had, you soon found a set of rules to live by. One of Dean’s rules was that he never, ever got high, nor did any sort of illegal drugs.
Unless he was offered them by Castiel.
Castiel was not your stereotypical stoner. If anything he was something of a super-brain, but most class-mates saw that he was so dorky he circled back around to being awesome. Castiel lived in a huge house with his older brother, because his parents were never around and his other, adult siblings had all moved out. Castiel got all his drugs from one of the absentee brothers, so he knew they were safe, and had the bonus of a family discount as long as he promised not to tell his parents.
It was for the purpose of abusing such a discount that Dean was currently standing on Castiel’s doorstep, hands deep in his pockets, and his inner child overjoyed at the fact that he was blowing off homework for this. Sam, who was still a junior, had given Dean a look that could fell an ox as he left, which just made not revising for finals all the sweeter.
The door was opened by Castiel’s older brother, Gabriel, who did not look his usual, flippant self.
“Oh, god, it’s you.” Gabriel scowled, before walking away from the front door and kicking open another one nearby, which Dean knew led to the study. “Castiel! Your future bum of a friend is here! Drag your asses up to your room, stay there, and if you come anywhere near my kitchen I’ll make you eat your own damn fingers!”
Gabriel stormed off, as Dean stepped into the ridiculously large house. Castiel appeared in the doorway, standard mismatched clothes and bed-hair in place.
“Dean! Tonight will be the most awesome night of the week.”
“Really? What’s so awesome?”
“We will be getting high and watching Back to the Future.” Castiel grinned and started upstairs. Dean followed him.
“How is that any different to last week?”
“This week, I have Back to the Future two.”
They got to Castiel’s room, which looked kind of like a Zelda game had exploded, and sat down in front of his TV. Dean watched in amazement as Castiel’s long, dextrous fingers masterfully rolled a very fat joint.
“You have no clue how much I need this… make Gabriel seem slightly less like a total dick-nugget.”
“Hey yeah.” Dean leant back against the wall. “What’s with him?”
“He’s got some big party tomorrow that his boss has let him be in charge of catering. It’s his big break or whatever, and he’s stressed as all shit.”
“Oh.” Dean laughed. “I haven’t seen him that mad since we changed the combination on his candy safe.”
“Served him right for having a candy safe. Tool.”
“Douche.” Dean agreed.
“Ahem.” Gabriel was leaning against the doorway, very unimpressed. “I take it the two of you are being illegal again tonight?”
“You make it sound so cool, Gabe.”
“Yeah, whatever. Only weed, right?”
“Of course, Gabriel, I’m not stupid.”
“Well, that’s debatable. Listen, I’ve got forty five chicken breasts, individually stuffed with cheese and garlic butter and wrapped with bacon in the fridge. You touch them, hell, you go in the kitchen, and I will kill you dead.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“I’m serious.” Gabriel stood over Castiel, delighting in the fact that since Castiel was too lazy to get up, he was in a rare position of actually looking as threatening as he sounded. “If you even go downstairs while you’re in your Canadian mind, I will murder you. And I’m not just talking stab and bury. I’m talking strangle with a dish-cloth, burn the corpse, use the ashes to make fireworks that explode into the sky and spell out “Castiel was a dick who got what he deserved”. And then, because Dean would have made himself an accomplice, I would mail him a tape of me screwing his brother.”
“Ew, dude!”
“Yeah. Stay out of my kitchen. I’m going out.”
Gabriel shot them both one last glare, and left. Castiel grabbed Dean’s lighter from the foot of the bed, lit up, and slowly inhaled. He let the smoke escape his lips as he handed the joint to Dean, before smiling wickedly.
“Hey Dean?”
“Yeah?” Dean smiled, enjoying the smooth taste of the weed.
“Want some dinner?”
(--*--)
“Shit-fuck!” Castiel hissed, recoiling and shaking his hand to cool the burn on his fingertips. “Fucking cheese-burn.” Castiel only swore
when he was high, and Dean always found it hilarious.
“Douche… this is why you’re not supposed to cook while you’re high.”
“Yeah, well, I can’t make rational decisions, I’m high. Fuck it, we’ll eat them off the damn grill.”
Abandoning plates all together, Dean and Castiel tore into the bacon-wrapped chicken breasts.
“Umf…” Dean mumbled, eyes closed. “These are amazing.”
“I know, right?”
“How are these so good?”
“It’s the bacon.” Castiel grinned, between bites. “Bacon makes everything taste awesome.”
“Mmf.” Dean agreed, resuming the serious business of gluttony. Castiel laughed, and Dean glared at him until he was done chewing and could speak. “What?”
“Is that what you sound like when you have sex?”
“Shut up.”
“You were making sex noises over Gabriel’s chicken.”
“Shut up.”
“Dude, Gabriel’s breasts made you orgasm.”
“Fuck off!” Dean punched Castiel’s arm, making him laugh more.
“Oh, this is too good… we should steal his chocolate bars for dessert.”
“And wrap them in bacon.”
Castiel gazed upon Dean as if he had declared the very word of God.
“Let’s do it.”
(--*--)
Twenty minutes later, Dean and Castiel were half sitting, half lying across Castiel’s bed, feeling sick and joyous and stoned and laughing more than they had in a long while.
“That was the worst idea you’ve ever had.” Castiel laughed, turning weary eyes on Dean. “You douche, you’ve still got crap all over your face.”
“Seriously?” Dean laughed back.
“Yeah, it’s chocolate or bacon grease or something. Here.” Without thinking, Castiel reached over and wiped the smudge of grease away from the corner of Dean’s mouth. In that moment, their eyes met, and Dean found himself holding his breath.
“Sorry.” Castiel mumbled, retracting his thumb and wiping the grease off against his other hand.
“Sorry for what?”
“Last time we… Last time I did something like that, you freaked out.”
“Cas?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you in love with me?”
Castiel sighed, produced his stash tin from his pocket, and started rolling a second joint.
“Cas?”
“Yeah. I think I am.”
“Ok.” Dean nodded, giving him his lighter, and waiting for his turn to take a hit. “See now I know that, it makes a lot more sense.”
“So you won’t freak out?” Castiel breathed, filling the space around them with plumes of smoke as he handed the joint to Dean.
“No.” Dean said, not sure whether it was his own tiredness, the food coma or the marijuana that was making him so able to deal with what was happening. He inhaled slowly, holding the smoke inside himself for as long as possible before letting go. He rolled onto his side, and felt his hand slip effortlessly across Castiel’s cheek.
“Besides, now I can see if it’s true.”
“What?”
“If bacon really does make everything taste awesome.”
He leant in, his hand moving to the back of Castiel’s neck as they kissed, tasting, touching and smelling in a medley of confused and blissful senses.