Kat is EMO
This feels like a pretty grim saturday morning. After a rushed week, in which, in retrospect, nothing really happened, I find that time is stopping. In fact, I feel like time is going backwards. Seeing Adam again has stirred up many emotions I haven't dealt with. I saw him and Caro again yesterday. He took me out to The Works which everybody loved. But this will be the last time I will see him until Christmas. I didn't realize I missed him so much. I miss my boys from High School. Looking back, that was the most secure time in my life. We were driving to the restaurant, laughing and kidding around. All I thought was, "Pat is missing; he should be in the back seat, here with us." Then I realized that my problem holding me back to Pat, is not love (ie. romance). It's my stupid habit of thinking I'm responsible for the happiness of everyone I know. I used to be the source of his happiness, and now it's gone. It's been three years and he has not replaced me yet. I totally assumed, when we broke up, that he would find another girlfriend within the year. Sigh. Now I feel that the more time goes by, the more he resents me. I hope that instead of being bitter about the break up (which was mutual anyway)that he is thankful for the relationship we had. I feel responsible for his happiness, so as long as he remains unhappy (and he's the brooding type. Think Angel, in Buffy.)I will feel the tie that binds. So I just have to work on that.
So Adam is gone and all I have left are memories. They slept over last night as his plane was leaving at 7am this morning. (btw, I'm conveniently located at a 5 min drive from the airport.)I promised I would wake up with them but I had communication problems with my alarm and totally failed. I woke up at 6:45 to find them long gone. But technically Adam was still at the airport, so I left him a message on his blackberry. I sat beside the clock, waiting for 7:00 to show. Then I waited for airplanes. I heard one at 7:03, and other at 7:08. I wonder if he was on either one. I wished him a safe trip. At least I was there in spirit. (He just called me to let me know he made it safely back to Manitoba.)
I hope I didn't depress you. If I did, remember that depressed = funny. Check this out : www.hopeisemo.com
So Adam is gone and all I have left are memories. They slept over last night as his plane was leaving at 7am this morning. (btw, I'm conveniently located at a 5 min drive from the airport.)I promised I would wake up with them but I had communication problems with my alarm and totally failed. I woke up at 6:45 to find them long gone. But technically Adam was still at the airport, so I left him a message on his blackberry. I sat beside the clock, waiting for 7:00 to show. Then I waited for airplanes. I heard one at 7:03, and other at 7:08. I wonder if he was on either one. I wished him a safe trip. At least I was there in spirit. (He just called me to let me know he made it safely back to Manitoba.)
I hope I didn't depress you. If I did, remember that depressed = funny. Check this out : www.hopeisemo.com