In regards to social life...
I am so fucking tired.
I went out on Friday night because I thought it would be fun since I was then free. Little did I realize how exhausted I would be and how much hell marathon studying and labwork would wreak on my psyche. I took my exam, went to class for an hour only because my classmates convinced me I should because apparently it was the "cool lecture" where some poor old dude had his eyes and liver eaten by his cat post-mortem. Apparently for kitties, it's no holds barred once you've stopped breathing. Dogs will wait until they are absolutely starving to eat an owner but cats? The third years had told us "They like the eyes and the liver..." I had finished my test early, at 8:35, half an hour in. I think I passed it. I felt good about this one, unlike the other two mega tests I took during the week, which is part of why I feel bad. Nothing worse than putting your best efforts, blood, sweat, and tears into something only to have it fail miserably and you won't even know how badly until the professors deign to send you a "You are a Failure" email, which puts you even further behind in classes to keep you miserable because you deserved it for daring to have a moment of happiness while in dental school.
I went to Sprinkles and got my wonderful friend cupcakes, as I'd been meaning to since Wednesday after I found out it was his birthday this weekend. But the night before I had had insomnia and I only went to Sprinkles after napping a delayed 3 to 4 hours after being tricked into going into a sham class where the professor won't even give you his powerpoint out of sheer paranoia. The night before the test, I had realized I didn't want to be at this Halloween party with a bunch of strangers who I'd never talk to ever again after that night. I was too tired and feeling sick to go and drink alcohol. I only recovered from the ensuing sore throat this morning.
Anyway I'm getting all jumbled. I tried to sell my ticket, and I was desperate enough to use phone Facebook at 4 am, making my light-sleeper roommate (she's kind of a saint usually) reasonable annoyed that I was having another late night bout of insomnia. I played phone tag and Facebook tag with people all night only to have nobody buy my ticket despite there being several offers. Fuckers. So I went to the party instead of busing it to my beloved boyfriend's apartment. I had fun but I realized I would rather not be there. I wanted to be with my R____ and fall asleep in his arms. And also I fucked up and didn't have a costume for the costume party and disappointed folks who wanted to see what kind of anime cosplay I'd have for them that night (as if I'd risk people spilling their drinks on something I stitched together by hand--I did get stuff spilled on me that night so luckily I had picked a shirt that needed a wash anyway... even if it was my favorite shirt and a new one).
I'm getting tired so I'll wrap this up. I spent all of yesterday traveling around instead of resting like I wanted due to boyfriend's roommate suggesting shenanigans on a bad day to have shenanigans because boyfriend managed to get a car on time. I'm very glad I made my friend happy (the one who I bought cupcakes for) but I was so tired and I wished I had had more time with my boyfriend, just the two of us alone. I got all that time today and took a taxi back because I thought (and I think I am still right in thinking so) that it was worth it. I had so much fun with him today and we talked about getting married. I felt so happy and drunk off of being in love. So now here I am in my apartment. The weekend has ended. My vacation is over. Tomorrow I go back to hell and I am reluctant to take the dive. But as Orpheus entered the Underworld for Eurydice, so shall I go back into dental school for the week and endure the madness, pain, and sorrow just for the weekend when I can see my beloved again.
And I am scared.
Also in addition to all the things I listed I must do in my last entry, I have to finish a comic by tomorrow. :< I got jealous of my classmates who had couple costumes and time to spend with their boyfriends/girlfriends, and I want more time with my boyfriend. And I'm annoyed at my roommates who don't share my room. They're in my class but they've hardly included me in anything. I don't feel like I belong with them or with most people in my class so I generally pegged everyone as uncaring, unfeeling career bastards. For the longest time, I thought of myself as "The Depressed Comic," the diagnosed crazy person in a school full of crazies who think they're normal. I'd react with genuine surprise and profuse gratitude if people were nice to me. Things got better after I moved in here with the girl I share a room with. Finding a sort of kindred spirit at this school made everything so much better...
But I still want to be with my boyfriend more. I want us to get married and have kids and live in a nice house together in a nice place. It's a happy ending in a nice neighborhood where I'll have a decent job and no more exams to study for every week. I'll be able to go home and relax when I'm back and then NOT STUDY. I'll have money for vacations when times get bad and I'll have him with me. I have so many feelings from this week. He got in a car accident after being late from work on Thursday and it actually physically pains me to see the scrapes on his wrists even though he's perfectly fine otherwise. I'm just
really
really
scared.
I need a magical lyre... and I shall go down to Hades singing of my love and of the life I live now...
I went out on Friday night because I thought it would be fun since I was then free. Little did I realize how exhausted I would be and how much hell marathon studying and labwork would wreak on my psyche. I took my exam, went to class for an hour only because my classmates convinced me I should because apparently it was the "cool lecture" where some poor old dude had his eyes and liver eaten by his cat post-mortem. Apparently for kitties, it's no holds barred once you've stopped breathing. Dogs will wait until they are absolutely starving to eat an owner but cats? The third years had told us "They like the eyes and the liver..." I had finished my test early, at 8:35, half an hour in. I think I passed it. I felt good about this one, unlike the other two mega tests I took during the week, which is part of why I feel bad. Nothing worse than putting your best efforts, blood, sweat, and tears into something only to have it fail miserably and you won't even know how badly until the professors deign to send you a "You are a Failure" email, which puts you even further behind in classes to keep you miserable because you deserved it for daring to have a moment of happiness while in dental school.
I went to Sprinkles and got my wonderful friend cupcakes, as I'd been meaning to since Wednesday after I found out it was his birthday this weekend. But the night before I had had insomnia and I only went to Sprinkles after napping a delayed 3 to 4 hours after being tricked into going into a sham class where the professor won't even give you his powerpoint out of sheer paranoia. The night before the test, I had realized I didn't want to be at this Halloween party with a bunch of strangers who I'd never talk to ever again after that night. I was too tired and feeling sick to go and drink alcohol. I only recovered from the ensuing sore throat this morning.
Anyway I'm getting all jumbled. I tried to sell my ticket, and I was desperate enough to use phone Facebook at 4 am, making my light-sleeper roommate (she's kind of a saint usually) reasonable annoyed that I was having another late night bout of insomnia. I played phone tag and Facebook tag with people all night only to have nobody buy my ticket despite there being several offers. Fuckers. So I went to the party instead of busing it to my beloved boyfriend's apartment. I had fun but I realized I would rather not be there. I wanted to be with my R____ and fall asleep in his arms. And also I fucked up and didn't have a costume for the costume party and disappointed folks who wanted to see what kind of anime cosplay I'd have for them that night (as if I'd risk people spilling their drinks on something I stitched together by hand--I did get stuff spilled on me that night so luckily I had picked a shirt that needed a wash anyway... even if it was my favorite shirt and a new one).
I'm getting tired so I'll wrap this up. I spent all of yesterday traveling around instead of resting like I wanted due to boyfriend's roommate suggesting shenanigans on a bad day to have shenanigans because boyfriend managed to get a car on time. I'm very glad I made my friend happy (the one who I bought cupcakes for) but I was so tired and I wished I had had more time with my boyfriend, just the two of us alone. I got all that time today and took a taxi back because I thought (and I think I am still right in thinking so) that it was worth it. I had so much fun with him today and we talked about getting married. I felt so happy and drunk off of being in love. So now here I am in my apartment. The weekend has ended. My vacation is over. Tomorrow I go back to hell and I am reluctant to take the dive. But as Orpheus entered the Underworld for Eurydice, so shall I go back into dental school for the week and endure the madness, pain, and sorrow just for the weekend when I can see my beloved again.
And I am scared.
Also in addition to all the things I listed I must do in my last entry, I have to finish a comic by tomorrow. :< I got jealous of my classmates who had couple costumes and time to spend with their boyfriends/girlfriends, and I want more time with my boyfriend. And I'm annoyed at my roommates who don't share my room. They're in my class but they've hardly included me in anything. I don't feel like I belong with them or with most people in my class so I generally pegged everyone as uncaring, unfeeling career bastards. For the longest time, I thought of myself as "The Depressed Comic," the diagnosed crazy person in a school full of crazies who think they're normal. I'd react with genuine surprise and profuse gratitude if people were nice to me. Things got better after I moved in here with the girl I share a room with. Finding a sort of kindred spirit at this school made everything so much better...
But I still want to be with my boyfriend more. I want us to get married and have kids and live in a nice house together in a nice place. It's a happy ending in a nice neighborhood where I'll have a decent job and no more exams to study for every week. I'll be able to go home and relax when I'm back and then NOT STUDY. I'll have money for vacations when times get bad and I'll have him with me. I have so many feelings from this week. He got in a car accident after being late from work on Thursday and it actually physically pains me to see the scrapes on his wrists even though he's perfectly fine otherwise. I'm just
really
really
scared.
I need a magical lyre... and I shall go down to Hades singing of my love and of the life I live now...