So, for the fourth time this week.
We're in another arguement, I don't know what to do anymore. I've not said anything here because I try to keep private life private, but I just don't know anymore. We're at each others throats about anything and everything. What we're doing at this time or that, when/if we're going to have relations (censored, for being at work), where the money is going, why we don't have any money and numerous other reasons! We haven't resolved one yet I think, which I making me feel closed in my own world and not nearly as close as we normally are. After awhile you just can't help what your feelings are when things happen again and again, ya know? I'm not by any means saying this is a one-sided (his) fault kind of thing, we're both in this relationssip, it's both of our faults. I've actually considered a few times if moving up here has damaged us and our relationship seriously, wish is a harsh reality if it is to be the case. We always had someone/somewhere else to go when things got completely rough, but that's not the case here. Heck, I haven't even gone out at night by myself because I am unsure of the area, that was never a feeling for me back in NC.
Don't get me wrong, life isn't horrible beyond living and I do enjoy this area and atmosphere much more... it's just, I dunno. Once again, you can't help what you feel, right? I actually don't remember being thrown against the rocks this badly since we first got married. I think I actually remember crying for 4 nights straight about 3 months into our marriage because nothing seemed to be working out right. There have been times I've run out of the house because I don't want the conflict to go beyond repair and there have been times where I wish I could disappear, even for awhile. Little did I realize at first that our relationship is pretty much our life. Unlike a lot of relationships where each party has a life and marriage/their partner is just a part of it. We do everything together and pretty much spend 80% + of our "free" time doing things together (even if it's only watching TV). I would say the other 20% would be being together, just not interacting. Isn't that a little insane? I wish I could say I have a life other than my love and my work, but I really don't! Unless you include that 20% where I'm in the same room with him, just on my computer doing my own thing! This has gone on for four years now and I'm seriously am starting to think we need to make a major change in our lives.
Anyway, sorry to anyone that just read through that, I had to vent and venting personally and to him just hasn't been enough. >_> ...I'll post a real update a bit later, I got some work to do. o.o (ha!)
Don't get me wrong, life isn't horrible beyond living and I do enjoy this area and atmosphere much more... it's just, I dunno. Once again, you can't help what you feel, right? I actually don't remember being thrown against the rocks this badly since we first got married. I think I actually remember crying for 4 nights straight about 3 months into our marriage because nothing seemed to be working out right. There have been times I've run out of the house because I don't want the conflict to go beyond repair and there have been times where I wish I could disappear, even for awhile. Little did I realize at first that our relationship is pretty much our life. Unlike a lot of relationships where each party has a life and marriage/their partner is just a part of it. We do everything together and pretty much spend 80% + of our "free" time doing things together (even if it's only watching TV). I would say the other 20% would be being together, just not interacting. Isn't that a little insane? I wish I could say I have a life other than my love and my work, but I really don't! Unless you include that 20% where I'm in the same room with him, just on my computer doing my own thing! This has gone on for four years now and I'm seriously am starting to think we need to make a major change in our lives.
Anyway, sorry to anyone that just read through that, I had to vent and venting personally and to him just hasn't been enough. >_> ...I'll post a real update a bit later, I got some work to do. o.o (ha!)