My Bright Blue Eyes
This is a story I started a while back and still have not completely finished. Chapter one is the complete story while the other chapters are different background stories. It will make sense if you read it. I hope you like it!
x-posted all over
My Bright Blue Eyes
There was once a change I didn’t take and it burned me to the core. That feeling of ‘what if’. I lay awake thinking about what I didn’t do-what I wouldn’t do-what my fear kept me from doing. If I had taken that chance, would things be different? Would life have gone on though it’s stopped now? Would those blue eyes look at me again?
The world seems to have stopped turning for me. Time has stood still for ages-the chance I didn’t take mocking me in the darkness, broken only by his blue eyes, calling my name, asking me why I stood there, doing nothing. I see his face, his blue eyes bright, asking me, begging me, but I shut my eyes tightly and ignore the tears making their way down my cheeks. How could I have done that to him? It was risky-just too risky. But he had been willing, his blue eyes sparkling with possibility-I had deemed it too dangerous, I had forbidden it. I thought, foolishly, that if I stayed in my comfort zone, if I didn’t allow him to do this, he would be safe, his blue eyes would sparkle forever.
He was my friend and I lost him, because I just couldn’t take the risk of losing him. Ironic isn’t it? My fear of his welfare caused him to deteriorate. Before my eyes I say him disappear. He faded away by my side, his hand went limp in mine, my salty tears falling on his pale, fragile hand as the light in his eyes was extinguished, leaving them a dull, pale blue. My regret overwhelmed me, my mind never ceasing in its interrogation, “what if?”
What I wouldn’t give to see those blue eyes sparkle at me once more. But for now they haunt my darkness, peering at me in accusation-the burden I carry for the risk I never took.
Weir/Sheppard, Elizabeth's POV
“McKay! You son of a-!”
“Major?”
My stern question stopped Sheppard short of finishing his R-rated tirade. “Doc,” he said stiffly, shooting a glance to his left where McKay had disappeared to earlier.
“Problem?” I quirked an eyebrow.
“No, no problem,” his eyes darted to the left again.
“Really?” I asked sarcastically.
“Yes, now, if you excuse me,” he pushed past me to follow McKay.
I shook my head and turned to follow, wondering what mess I was going to have to mop up this time. An alarm sounded, breaking my concentration and turning my attention to more important matters.
“Lieutenant?” I asked.
Ford looked up at me, “Stargate has activated, but-”
“Shield up,” I replied like he was stupid to not have put it up earlier.
“It’s too late.”
“What the hell is it?”
Ford shrugged, “I don’t know, ma’am.”
I turned away from Ford to look at the bright blue circle of light. “Get some guards in there, Lieutenant. I don’t want this thing getting too far away from where we can control it.” He nodded and set off to do as I had told him. “Major Sheppard,” I beckoned over the intercom.”
“Doc, I’m sorta busy here-”
“Major, something’s coming through the Stargate.” I looked down from my perch where whatever it was was coming through, “Something big...”
It was out of the Stargate now and I could see it fully. It unfolded itself and towered over everything in the room. Its glowing eyes were looking straight at me. I stood frozen in place.
“Elizabeth, I-woah!” Sheppard stumbled back a few steps.
“Major-don’t move.” Oh, please don’t move, don’t let it know you’re there. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him start to raise his rifle slowly, carefully. “Major I said don’t move,” I ordered sternly, praying that he would stop.
“No,” he replied casually, as if responding to a question about breakfast. His eyes were bright and they broke my heart-I knew he wouldn’t listen to me. He was going to be my hero.
Shots rang out and I ducked instinctively as glass shattered. “Elizabeth!” He was yelling my name? Oh, why was he yelling my name? “Elizabeth, I need your help!”
He needed my help? Why couldn’t I move? “Come on, Elizabeth! Move! Now!” I couldn’t. I could do no more than watch. The creature moved rapidly and snatched at Sheppard. He was quick, but the Major was a bit faster. Not fast enough, though.
As more shots were fired, this time from ground level, Major Sheppard fell to the deck. I ran to him, grabbed his hand-once so strong, now pale and fragile in the harsh light of Atlantis.
“Oh, John,” he was bleeding everywhere, shivering from shock. “Why didn’t you go? Why did you move?”
A whisper faintly reached my ears as I looked into his eyes, “Why didn’t you?”
The color faded away as the life left the shell. My tears fell onto his limp hand. His eyes were still peering at me and my sobs echoed to the heavens.
'
McKay/Sheppard, Rodney's POV slash
“Ok, everybody. Keep sharp,” Sheppard said as he lifted his P-90 up to sight through it. “Teyla, any ideas?”
“There is a road here, but I have never seen it before. It may lead to the village.”
Sheppard shrugged, making his face scrunch up adorably-wait. Did I just say ‘adorably’? Well, anyway...
“Ford, take point. I’ll follow. McKay, stay with me.”
Why was I staying with Sheppard? Like I could do anything. They slapped a pistol in my hand and told me to shoot where the major told me to. At the moment it was holstered uncomfortably to my hip.
“McKay,” Sheppard’s voice brought me to rigid attention, “Try not to get distracted by anything shiny. We’re not here for anymore weird technology.”
“First of all, Major,” oh no. I couldn’t stop myself, “I do not get distracted by ‘shiny things’ as you so eloquently put it. Second of all, the technology is not ‘weird’ it’s ancient alien technology, and it’s helping us stay alive so-”
Shots sounded and all four ducked. “Ford! Teyla! Find cover! Split up, stay in twos!” Sheppard grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the right as Ford and Teyla rushed left. We pushed through the woods, he practically dragging me as I stumbled through the foliage. He stopped suddenly, sliding on the leaves to a halt, shoving me before I was fully stopped. I fell ungracefully against a tree, he crouching in front of me.
“This isn’t good, Major,” Lord, why couldn’t I be quiet? Did I always have to speak?
“Thanks, McKay, I hadn’t quite figured that out yet.” He aimed his rifle up and around, peering through the scope to see if he could spot anything. He started to rise and I found myself pulling him back down by the waist of his pants.
“What the hell are you doing?” I hissed. God, McKay! Stop talking!
“I’m saving our asses,” he grinned at me. No, don’t give me that grin, Major. You know I can’t resist it!
Gritting my teeth, my grip on his pants tightened, “No, Major. Don’t move.”
He practically laughed as he tried to remove my hand, “McKay, you can’t order me.”
“No, but I can try!”
“Shh! Do you WANT to die?” No, but I didn’t want him to die. I couldn’t stop him though. “Look, McKay, it’ll be alright.” a shot hit closely and we both jumped, I laughing nervously. “Come on, McKay, let go.”
I removed my hand grudgingly, “Major, please-”
“McKay, shut it.” He said sternly as he raised his rifle again. He pointed toward a treetop and I looked, trying to see what he did. He started to squeeze the trigger but something jumped from the trees, knocking his rifle from his hands and sending them both somersaulting backwards, “Mckay!” He yelled, grunting, trying to reach his rifle, “Shoot it or something!” He was squirming beneath the huge wraith. He kicked futilely, struggling with the weight of the creature, “Come on, McKay!”
“M-major-”
“McKay, dammit!” He let out a stream of painful curses and I fumbled for my pistol. Why weren’t my hands working? ‘Lord, help me,’ I sent a silent prayer, hoping there was someone there. I felt cool steel in my hands and raised it shakingly. “Shoot it! Shoot the mother-ah! Dammit!”
“Major?”
“Stop getting distracted! Shoot the damn thing!”
“Oh, right.” I couldn’t pull the trigger. Why couldn’t I? I couldn’t move, but I had to.
“Come on, Rodney, just point and shoot!” I did.
With a resounding crack, my pistol went off, surprising me and, apparently, the wraith. It turned and looked at me, getting off John and advancing toward me.
John rolled over, grabbed his rifle, and shot the wraith cold.
I stood there in shock, watching the major as he fell back, his rifle resting against his chest. “Dammit, Rodney,” he said quietly. I rushed over to his side and grabbed his hand.
“Major?”
He looked up at me, his eyes fading, staring hard at me.
“I’m so sorry, John, so sorry.”
He just stared at me, his eyes boring into my soul. Those eyes, piercing and cold, faded before me and his hand no longer squeezed mine. Silent tears began to form. I never got to tell him that I loved him and now it was my fault he was dead.
God forgive me, it was my fault.
x-posted all over
My Bright Blue Eyes
There was once a change I didn’t take and it burned me to the core. That feeling of ‘what if’. I lay awake thinking about what I didn’t do-what I wouldn’t do-what my fear kept me from doing. If I had taken that chance, would things be different? Would life have gone on though it’s stopped now? Would those blue eyes look at me again?
The world seems to have stopped turning for me. Time has stood still for ages-the chance I didn’t take mocking me in the darkness, broken only by his blue eyes, calling my name, asking me why I stood there, doing nothing. I see his face, his blue eyes bright, asking me, begging me, but I shut my eyes tightly and ignore the tears making their way down my cheeks. How could I have done that to him? It was risky-just too risky. But he had been willing, his blue eyes sparkling with possibility-I had deemed it too dangerous, I had forbidden it. I thought, foolishly, that if I stayed in my comfort zone, if I didn’t allow him to do this, he would be safe, his blue eyes would sparkle forever.
He was my friend and I lost him, because I just couldn’t take the risk of losing him. Ironic isn’t it? My fear of his welfare caused him to deteriorate. Before my eyes I say him disappear. He faded away by my side, his hand went limp in mine, my salty tears falling on his pale, fragile hand as the light in his eyes was extinguished, leaving them a dull, pale blue. My regret overwhelmed me, my mind never ceasing in its interrogation, “what if?”
What I wouldn’t give to see those blue eyes sparkle at me once more. But for now they haunt my darkness, peering at me in accusation-the burden I carry for the risk I never took.
Weir/Sheppard, Elizabeth's POV
“McKay! You son of a-!”
“Major?”
My stern question stopped Sheppard short of finishing his R-rated tirade. “Doc,” he said stiffly, shooting a glance to his left where McKay had disappeared to earlier.
“Problem?” I quirked an eyebrow.
“No, no problem,” his eyes darted to the left again.
“Really?” I asked sarcastically.
“Yes, now, if you excuse me,” he pushed past me to follow McKay.
I shook my head and turned to follow, wondering what mess I was going to have to mop up this time. An alarm sounded, breaking my concentration and turning my attention to more important matters.
“Lieutenant?” I asked.
Ford looked up at me, “Stargate has activated, but-”
“Shield up,” I replied like he was stupid to not have put it up earlier.
“It’s too late.”
“What the hell is it?”
Ford shrugged, “I don’t know, ma’am.”
I turned away from Ford to look at the bright blue circle of light. “Get some guards in there, Lieutenant. I don’t want this thing getting too far away from where we can control it.” He nodded and set off to do as I had told him. “Major Sheppard,” I beckoned over the intercom.”
“Doc, I’m sorta busy here-”
“Major, something’s coming through the Stargate.” I looked down from my perch where whatever it was was coming through, “Something big...”
It was out of the Stargate now and I could see it fully. It unfolded itself and towered over everything in the room. Its glowing eyes were looking straight at me. I stood frozen in place.
“Elizabeth, I-woah!” Sheppard stumbled back a few steps.
“Major-don’t move.” Oh, please don’t move, don’t let it know you’re there. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him start to raise his rifle slowly, carefully. “Major I said don’t move,” I ordered sternly, praying that he would stop.
“No,” he replied casually, as if responding to a question about breakfast. His eyes were bright and they broke my heart-I knew he wouldn’t listen to me. He was going to be my hero.
Shots rang out and I ducked instinctively as glass shattered. “Elizabeth!” He was yelling my name? Oh, why was he yelling my name? “Elizabeth, I need your help!”
He needed my help? Why couldn’t I move? “Come on, Elizabeth! Move! Now!” I couldn’t. I could do no more than watch. The creature moved rapidly and snatched at Sheppard. He was quick, but the Major was a bit faster. Not fast enough, though.
As more shots were fired, this time from ground level, Major Sheppard fell to the deck. I ran to him, grabbed his hand-once so strong, now pale and fragile in the harsh light of Atlantis.
“Oh, John,” he was bleeding everywhere, shivering from shock. “Why didn’t you go? Why did you move?”
A whisper faintly reached my ears as I looked into his eyes, “Why didn’t you?”
The color faded away as the life left the shell. My tears fell onto his limp hand. His eyes were still peering at me and my sobs echoed to the heavens.
'
McKay/Sheppard, Rodney's POV slash
“Ok, everybody. Keep sharp,” Sheppard said as he lifted his P-90 up to sight through it. “Teyla, any ideas?”
“There is a road here, but I have never seen it before. It may lead to the village.”
Sheppard shrugged, making his face scrunch up adorably-wait. Did I just say ‘adorably’? Well, anyway...
“Ford, take point. I’ll follow. McKay, stay with me.”
Why was I staying with Sheppard? Like I could do anything. They slapped a pistol in my hand and told me to shoot where the major told me to. At the moment it was holstered uncomfortably to my hip.
“McKay,” Sheppard’s voice brought me to rigid attention, “Try not to get distracted by anything shiny. We’re not here for anymore weird technology.”
“First of all, Major,” oh no. I couldn’t stop myself, “I do not get distracted by ‘shiny things’ as you so eloquently put it. Second of all, the technology is not ‘weird’ it’s ancient alien technology, and it’s helping us stay alive so-”
Shots sounded and all four ducked. “Ford! Teyla! Find cover! Split up, stay in twos!” Sheppard grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the right as Ford and Teyla rushed left. We pushed through the woods, he practically dragging me as I stumbled through the foliage. He stopped suddenly, sliding on the leaves to a halt, shoving me before I was fully stopped. I fell ungracefully against a tree, he crouching in front of me.
“This isn’t good, Major,” Lord, why couldn’t I be quiet? Did I always have to speak?
“Thanks, McKay, I hadn’t quite figured that out yet.” He aimed his rifle up and around, peering through the scope to see if he could spot anything. He started to rise and I found myself pulling him back down by the waist of his pants.
“What the hell are you doing?” I hissed. God, McKay! Stop talking!
“I’m saving our asses,” he grinned at me. No, don’t give me that grin, Major. You know I can’t resist it!
Gritting my teeth, my grip on his pants tightened, “No, Major. Don’t move.”
He practically laughed as he tried to remove my hand, “McKay, you can’t order me.”
“No, but I can try!”
“Shh! Do you WANT to die?” No, but I didn’t want him to die. I couldn’t stop him though. “Look, McKay, it’ll be alright.” a shot hit closely and we both jumped, I laughing nervously. “Come on, McKay, let go.”
I removed my hand grudgingly, “Major, please-”
“McKay, shut it.” He said sternly as he raised his rifle again. He pointed toward a treetop and I looked, trying to see what he did. He started to squeeze the trigger but something jumped from the trees, knocking his rifle from his hands and sending them both somersaulting backwards, “Mckay!” He yelled, grunting, trying to reach his rifle, “Shoot it or something!” He was squirming beneath the huge wraith. He kicked futilely, struggling with the weight of the creature, “Come on, McKay!”
“M-major-”
“McKay, dammit!” He let out a stream of painful curses and I fumbled for my pistol. Why weren’t my hands working? ‘Lord, help me,’ I sent a silent prayer, hoping there was someone there. I felt cool steel in my hands and raised it shakingly. “Shoot it! Shoot the mother-ah! Dammit!”
“Major?”
“Stop getting distracted! Shoot the damn thing!”
“Oh, right.” I couldn’t pull the trigger. Why couldn’t I? I couldn’t move, but I had to.
“Come on, Rodney, just point and shoot!” I did.
With a resounding crack, my pistol went off, surprising me and, apparently, the wraith. It turned and looked at me, getting off John and advancing toward me.
John rolled over, grabbed his rifle, and shot the wraith cold.
I stood there in shock, watching the major as he fell back, his rifle resting against his chest. “Dammit, Rodney,” he said quietly. I rushed over to his side and grabbed his hand.
“Major?”
He looked up at me, his eyes fading, staring hard at me.
“I’m so sorry, John, so sorry.”
He just stared at me, his eyes boring into my soul. Those eyes, piercing and cold, faded before me and his hand no longer squeezed mine. Silent tears began to form. I never got to tell him that I loved him and now it was my fault he was dead.
God forgive me, it was my fault.