starts, ends, holes, fills, thoughts, and questions?
It's the end! The end of this month. But its not the end of time, only the end of the time that has passed. Even when things end, its good to know that other things are to come. To end one thing, is to begin another. For some reason I feel like I never really end things. I start many , but never end. Sometimes I never start, but I seem to end them. It's kinda weird. At the moment I am trying to start and end things. Basically I am trying to complete thing.
Having someone else sometimes makes me wonder "who is really being completed". I try to give what I can, and people think it's nothing. When its gone it seems like a piece of me was left back and I lost a lil part of myself. I feel I have some of that void filled with other people. I understand that thats experiences and all that person gave to me, but dose that make me less of myself? to be patched up by other like that?
I really want to know what other people have given to me. to say "look, this is what I gave to you". but not say it to make them selfs feel good or to make me feel like crap, but to let me know what void had been filled by them. If they can even know. I should know! I fell like I don't know shit right now, when it comes to this. I don't even know what I give to others and I would not mind knowing that too.
Maybe they are right. maybe I don't give anyone anything and that I am all in it for myself. I doubt that. If that was the case I would not be full of holes and patches. I'd be as whole as a selfish person can be. besides that hole from not giving.
anyhow, just letting these thoughts out. kinda sending that big question out their to "the whatever up there", or down there, or where ever. and maybe I'll get an answer to some of my thoughts. in time i am sure i will get what I need.
this is the start!
Having someone else sometimes makes me wonder "who is really being completed". I try to give what I can, and people think it's nothing. When its gone it seems like a piece of me was left back and I lost a lil part of myself. I feel I have some of that void filled with other people. I understand that thats experiences and all that person gave to me, but dose that make me less of myself? to be patched up by other like that?
I really want to know what other people have given to me. to say "look, this is what I gave to you". but not say it to make them selfs feel good or to make me feel like crap, but to let me know what void had been filled by them. If they can even know. I should know! I fell like I don't know shit right now, when it comes to this. I don't even know what I give to others and I would not mind knowing that too.
Maybe they are right. maybe I don't give anyone anything and that I am all in it for myself. I doubt that. If that was the case I would not be full of holes and patches. I'd be as whole as a selfish person can be. besides that hole from not giving.
anyhow, just letting these thoughts out. kinda sending that big question out their to "the whatever up there", or down there, or where ever. and maybe I'll get an answer to some of my thoughts. in time i am sure i will get what I need.
this is the start!