Stumbling in the Dark
Well, the first time I tried to go to bed at 10 PM, even though I had taken sleeping pills, I wasn't very sleepy. I moved Angelina's cage into my room because I wanted her near me so that I could hear her chew on paper. I read a chapter of 'Animal Farm.' I couldn't sleep, so I got up to take another sleeping pill.
I went to bed again and listened to 'O' while trying to fall asleep. I payed careful attention to each word. Needless to say, I didn't fall asleep.
Angelina was being really, really loud, so I moved her back into the living room at some point later.
I did sleep some, but then I woke up at 3 AM hungry. I ate some trail mix. I checked online and found out about all the crap going on with Josh and Micheal. After posting more online, I went back to bed and put 'O' on again.
I tried to go to sleep again. I took another pill. I came online for a bit and saw that Ryan was on. This is the first time he's been online since Tuesday. I said, "Hi, stranger." But he didn't respond.
I went back to bed.
But once I saw that the pill wasn't doing any good, I just now got up and took two more. I have too much on my mind. Now I have more to think about. I really, really don't want to be awake. I just want to close my eyes and sleep everything away. I hate that it's 5 AM, I've had five sleeping pills in the past eight hours, and still I can't sleep.
I can remember when I used to be happy and excited. It seems so distant now. I'm not really sad, though, which is what's weird. I'm looking forward to school tomorrow. I feel a little sorry for myself, but not too bad. I just feel so blah that I don't want to be awake. I should make an appointment with my counselor tomorrow.
The grateful list is going to be hard, I can tell, partly because I've already posted a lot today and partly because I'm not feeling so grateful.
But here goes.
I'm grateful for:
1. Feeling a little sleepy from the pills, now.
2. Counselors.
3. School tomorrow.
I went to bed again and listened to 'O' while trying to fall asleep. I payed careful attention to each word. Needless to say, I didn't fall asleep.
Angelina was being really, really loud, so I moved her back into the living room at some point later.
I did sleep some, but then I woke up at 3 AM hungry. I ate some trail mix. I checked online and found out about all the crap going on with Josh and Micheal. After posting more online, I went back to bed and put 'O' on again.
I tried to go to sleep again. I took another pill. I came online for a bit and saw that Ryan was on. This is the first time he's been online since Tuesday. I said, "Hi, stranger." But he didn't respond.
I went back to bed.
But once I saw that the pill wasn't doing any good, I just now got up and took two more. I have too much on my mind. Now I have more to think about. I really, really don't want to be awake. I just want to close my eyes and sleep everything away. I hate that it's 5 AM, I've had five sleeping pills in the past eight hours, and still I can't sleep.
I can remember when I used to be happy and excited. It seems so distant now. I'm not really sad, though, which is what's weird. I'm looking forward to school tomorrow. I feel a little sorry for myself, but not too bad. I just feel so blah that I don't want to be awake. I should make an appointment with my counselor tomorrow.
The grateful list is going to be hard, I can tell, partly because I've already posted a lot today and partly because I'm not feeling so grateful.
But here goes.
I'm grateful for:
1. Feeling a little sleepy from the pills, now.
2. Counselors.
3. School tomorrow.