Thoughts on the Loss of M, my ex wife
My ex, M, passed away this week. Tomorrow I will go to New York to attend her memorial service and try to come to grips with the reality. It was only Monday that I spoke to her, and she was lively and already planning for Thanksgiving, with Christmas close behind. When our son called to tell me that M was in the hospital and not doing well, I was stunned although not surprised: she had been fighting Stage IV breast cancer for 5 years. Ironically it was pneumonia that claimed her after she had held the cancer at bay for so long.
It seems odd that we were together for only 2 years, and divorced 34 years ago, and yet she had such an impact on my life. To a large extent that was the result of our having had a son, D, although we didn't know that until DNA testing was available that D was my son. Once that became known to me, began to want to know my son, and that was facilitated by seeing each other a few times a year at family gatherings.
As a result, I think I have come to associate M with holidays, particularly since she loved Christmas. For a Jewish girl whose father forbade Christmas observances, the trappings of Christmas had an irresistible allure. She loved to make ornaments, and cards, and to give presents. While we lived together we made stained glass ornaments; many were made of mirror glass, as she had struck up a friendship with a local glazier who gave her a huge box of fragments. We also made fiber-filled batik ornaments, using some batik fabric of her own design. Improvised materials were put to good use - we were so broke, we really had no choice!
The Christmas decorating was just one facet of her artistic spirit. She adored fine craft (we spent our wedding money on art at the NCC Rhinebeck craft fair) and her home was always decorated with beautiful handmade things. I kept trying to encourage her to pursue her creative inclinations, but she preferred to move on to new techniques and materials rather than turn her art into a profit-making venture. Exasperating as I sometimes found this, I also admired her artistic integrity.
There is more, much more, but I must get ready now for tomorrow's journey.
It seems odd that we were together for only 2 years, and divorced 34 years ago, and yet she had such an impact on my life. To a large extent that was the result of our having had a son, D, although we didn't know that until DNA testing was available that D was my son. Once that became known to me, began to want to know my son, and that was facilitated by seeing each other a few times a year at family gatherings.
As a result, I think I have come to associate M with holidays, particularly since she loved Christmas. For a Jewish girl whose father forbade Christmas observances, the trappings of Christmas had an irresistible allure. She loved to make ornaments, and cards, and to give presents. While we lived together we made stained glass ornaments; many were made of mirror glass, as she had struck up a friendship with a local glazier who gave her a huge box of fragments. We also made fiber-filled batik ornaments, using some batik fabric of her own design. Improvised materials were put to good use - we were so broke, we really had no choice!
The Christmas decorating was just one facet of her artistic spirit. She adored fine craft (we spent our wedding money on art at the NCC Rhinebeck craft fair) and her home was always decorated with beautiful handmade things. I kept trying to encourage her to pursue her creative inclinations, but she preferred to move on to new techniques and materials rather than turn her art into a profit-making venture. Exasperating as I sometimes found this, I also admired her artistic integrity.
There is more, much more, but I must get ready now for tomorrow's journey.