over
things hardly ever turn out the way we want them to. after a second chance that only went so far, i feel like i no longer have the faith nor strength to keep going. i feel like i have so little to fight for. and what is there is hardly enough to be considered love. when the trust is gone, the relationship will only last so long before it comes crashing down. i learned that the hard way.
redeeming myself pretty much slapped me in the face. thats how i feel.
i've tried so hard to prove that i had changed. i did. i've put so much effort into not making the same mistakes i did before. i had turned a new leaf and it was real. i put my heart into a second chance, especially for myself, and i end up being the one who is overlooked this time...
i know i haven't been perfect, but i know that i'm not the only one who hasn't lived up to my word either. especially the second time around...after all we've been through and all we [thought] we had learned from.
neither of us should have to deal with this anymore. separate is the only way that feels right. together is so ephemeral...we never know just how long it will last.
i can't let myself fall into something that i feel will bring few, if any, benefits. and in all reality, we can't keep bickering back and forth, pointing fingers, and blaming each other for the things that have gone wrong. and i don't want to have to depend on someone for happiness. i don't want to settle because i have little faith in myself.
i'd rather bow out gracefully than go on to become the same person i once was. not just for her, but for me. i'm not even angry. i'm just more aware of everything now. i see what i have to do. this time though, i have a right to be selfish. i have to look out for me and my happiness now. i don't want to hurt her, but i can't throw myself away anymore...not after seeing my hard work leave me with such an empty feeling.
gah. my head is so full of thought. i have to be strong in my decision though.
my heart wants "happy" but my head wants reality.
more later. rest now.
redeeming myself pretty much slapped me in the face. thats how i feel.
i've tried so hard to prove that i had changed. i did. i've put so much effort into not making the same mistakes i did before. i had turned a new leaf and it was real. i put my heart into a second chance, especially for myself, and i end up being the one who is overlooked this time...
i know i haven't been perfect, but i know that i'm not the only one who hasn't lived up to my word either. especially the second time around...after all we've been through and all we [thought] we had learned from.
neither of us should have to deal with this anymore. separate is the only way that feels right. together is so ephemeral...we never know just how long it will last.
i can't let myself fall into something that i feel will bring few, if any, benefits. and in all reality, we can't keep bickering back and forth, pointing fingers, and blaming each other for the things that have gone wrong. and i don't want to have to depend on someone for happiness. i don't want to settle because i have little faith in myself.
i'd rather bow out gracefully than go on to become the same person i once was. not just for her, but for me. i'm not even angry. i'm just more aware of everything now. i see what i have to do. this time though, i have a right to be selfish. i have to look out for me and my happiness now. i don't want to hurt her, but i can't throw myself away anymore...not after seeing my hard work leave me with such an empty feeling.
gah. my head is so full of thought. i have to be strong in my decision though.
my heart wants "happy" but my head wants reality.
more later. rest now.