I'm actually really happy these days
I hated university for 700 reasons. I didn't even want to attend my graduation because I never wanted to look back. I thought it was entirely a waste - I thought I'd end up married like Z right after grad, I figured I'd turn into a housewife and I didn't understand why I put in so much effort doing something I didn't even like if this was all my life was going to amount to. I got my new phone and didn't keep anyone's number from university. I wasted a lot of time after grad being useless and unproductive. My blog hits were in the tens of thousands. Family went through that rollercoaster ride what with bro's trainwreck of an engagement and their own talks of separation and divorce, and I think I shed a lot of my optimism there.
Fast forward to 2014. Dad's bff gave him the cold shoulder for months after I rejected his son. Mom mentioned that with my looks, I can't afford to be picky, and I think I've dropped at least 10 pounds since then. Mom and dad and their indecisiveness gave me time to stay single, to work, to realize that I can't just settle with life the way it is. That job was cozy but it meant I didn't need a functioning brain past the 4th or 5th month of experience because eventually it turned into second nature. It was still finance, which is what I want to do in life, but this was in no way helping me get anywhere. I hated it. At home we talked about corporate banking and ratings agencies, we talked about the CFA and we talked about an MBA after that. Between trying to hold their own marriage together, between the chaos that was Z's wedding, we didn't talk about my marriage. I got a new job.
It's 2015 and they're desperate. Mom doesn't understand why I want to study if her goal is for me to end up like Z anyway. She doesn't care if I pass if it means sitting out on social gatherings and meeting people who can connect me with other eligible men. I don't want to commit to her options who are 30+ and fat and living with their moms and earning as much as me. I didn't stay a virgin for this. It would help if I showed my face at those events but then I'd have to take time out every weekend and that means getting nothing done in terms of my study. Dad wants me to have the best of both worlds but even he throws his hands up when mom starts talking. Right now, I just want to pass, and we'll see where it goes from there. I've been working out on the side - I think it's making a dent. I have retained the friends I made at my old job, and I've learned not to trust any of them. Reconnecting with uni friends feels surprisingly rewarding especially now that Z is no longer around. I'm a bit less shy, so making new friends is getting easier too. I don't know. I hope it keeps going uphill from here.