Glee: I May Hate Myself in the Morning (Santana/Matt)
TITLE: I May Hate Myself in the Morning [1/1]
PAIRING: Santana/Matt
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: Don't own a thing.
SUMMARY: She only calls him when she's drunk. That's the only time she'll admit to missing him.
PROMPT: snoozin81 over at the santana_lopez drabble meme wanted Santana/Matt: Ain’t it just like one of us to pick up the phone and call after a couple of drinks / Sayin’ how’ve you been I’ve been wondering if maybe you’ve been thinking about me.
The first time she calls him is a week after his parents up and moved him to wherever the hell it was that they moved to. It’s not like she actually remembers whatever the hell new state he’s in now. Oh. She knows that he told her; she just blocked out the information. It’s not something she wants to think about. He wasn’t supposed to leave her. He was like Puckerman; he was supposed to be Property of Santana until they graduated. But obviously his parents didn’t get that message because they not only transferred him, they transferred him to some big football school his uncle coached at.
It’s one in the morning and the party she’s at is shitty as all fuck. Puckerman’s no where to be found. Everyone’s paired off with someone else and she’s standing there alone, drunk, with no one to appreciate her new boobs. It breaks her, and before she can stop herself she’s calling that old familiar number.
He doesn’t answer so she leaves him a message all crying and shit. The only thing she clearly remembers saying is: “Do you miss me?”
She wakes up in Brittany’s bed at two in the afternoon with confetti stuck in her hair and a text message from Matt: Every day.
*
He calls back about a month after settling down in Texas. School had started and while he was on the football team (and pretty much automatically popular just because of how good he’d been playing in the pre-season scrimmages), he’d never felt lonelier. New Directions had pretty much been his family and here he wasn’t getting the same vibe that he had there.
Hell, he didn’t have any friends. Not really. The girls thought he was mysterious because he was quiet, and he swore to God he overheard some cheerleader call him the Black Edward Cullen. He needed to get the hell out of Texas.
They win the first regular game of the season and he gets dragged to some party at some cheerleader’s house whose name he doesn’t even know. He doesn’t even really know a single person there. So when a drink is pressed into his hand he takes it and just keeps drinking. The guys on the team call him Matt the Tank so he guesses they all like him, but they’re not the same as partying with Mike, Puck and Finn.
There’s a girl there that if he squints his eyes just right reminds him of Santana so he stumbles outside and calls her. She answers on the third ring. “What do you want, Rutherford?” She slurs out, drunk as well.
“Do you miss me?” He doesn’t know why he asks. It’s just that he misses her pretty much all the time, and for some reason he needs to know that she misses him, too.
She scoffs on the other end of the phone. “You wish.”
The line goes dead.
That’s as close to a ‘yes’ as he’s going to get from her.
*
The second time she calls him is right after she gets demoted to the bottom of the pyramid. She’s pissed as fuck at Quinn, but instead of plotting her revenge, she starts drinking. And drinking. And drinking. And drinking. By seven that night she’s drunk off her ass, but doesn’t care.
Brittany isn’t answering her phone.
Puckerman isn’t answering his phone.
Mike hits ignore.
So does Tina.
Shit, she asked them for a threesome one time and now they ignore her calls any time they think she’s drunk. Rude.
So she calls Matt: the dependable boy toy that was way too many miles away for her to remember in her current state of not quite blacked-outness. He answers right away.
“I miss you.” She can’t help but whisper out and God help herself she’s crying.
Like really crying.
She’s alone.
In the dark.
Sitting on the floor.
Crying like a little kid.
And he doesn’t say a word, but she knows he’s still on the line. She can hear the steady sound of his breathing and it lulls her to sleep
*
She wakes up at midnight to her phone ringing. Half asleep she answers with a mumbled “Bueno?”
“Do you think about me all the time because I think about you and I fucking hate it here. I want to be back in Lima, and I tell myself it’s because I miss Mike and Puckerman. And I miss singing in Glee. I tell myself that I just miss everything about Lima, but it’s not true. I mean, it’s not really true.”
It’s the most she thinks she’s ever heard him say at once, and she can barely get out a confused, “Rutherford?” before he’s talking again.
“I mean, I miss all that stuff, but I miss you, San. I miss dancing with you in glee. I miss hanging out with you when everyone else was busy. I miss driving around for hours just to drive around and forget about being stuck in Lima. I miss smoking pot with you in the teacher’s bathroom during class. I miss your mama’s cooking. I even miss your dad trying to stare me down every time I came over for dinner because he was convinced that I was corrupting you just because I’m black. But mostly I just miss you.”
It takes her a couple of seconds to realize that she’s crying again, and this time it’s not because she’s drunk. She’s never had anyone be that nice to her before, be that sweet on her before, care that much about her. She’s gotten so used to being the back-up plan that being the girl some guy thinks about all the time just blows her mind. And so before she can stop herself she finds herself blurting out: “I love you.”
And then of course she hangs up the phone. She doesn’t want to hear his reaction. She doesn’t want to hear any bullshit that would contradict anything he just told her.
She doesn’t sleep that night. Instead she lays there, thinking over and over again about how much of an idiot she was for telling anyone that. It’s nearly dawn when she gets his text: Ditto.
A smile works its way onto her face without her permission, and she almost immediately falls asleep. And when she dreams, it’s of Matt, but for the first time that doesn’t bother her. Because even if he’s in Texas (yeah, okay, she lied, she knew exactly where he was) he didn’t actually abandon her and for some pansy-ass reason that just makes everything better.
And for once she’s okay with that.
PAIRING: Santana/Matt
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: Don't own a thing.
SUMMARY: She only calls him when she's drunk. That's the only time she'll admit to missing him.
PROMPT: snoozin81 over at the santana_lopez drabble meme wanted Santana/Matt: Ain’t it just like one of us to pick up the phone and call after a couple of drinks / Sayin’ how’ve you been I’ve been wondering if maybe you’ve been thinking about me.
The first time she calls him is a week after his parents up and moved him to wherever the hell it was that they moved to. It’s not like she actually remembers whatever the hell new state he’s in now. Oh. She knows that he told her; she just blocked out the information. It’s not something she wants to think about. He wasn’t supposed to leave her. He was like Puckerman; he was supposed to be Property of Santana until they graduated. But obviously his parents didn’t get that message because they not only transferred him, they transferred him to some big football school his uncle coached at.
It’s one in the morning and the party she’s at is shitty as all fuck. Puckerman’s no where to be found. Everyone’s paired off with someone else and she’s standing there alone, drunk, with no one to appreciate her new boobs. It breaks her, and before she can stop herself she’s calling that old familiar number.
He doesn’t answer so she leaves him a message all crying and shit. The only thing she clearly remembers saying is: “Do you miss me?”
She wakes up in Brittany’s bed at two in the afternoon with confetti stuck in her hair and a text message from Matt: Every day.
*
He calls back about a month after settling down in Texas. School had started and while he was on the football team (and pretty much automatically popular just because of how good he’d been playing in the pre-season scrimmages), he’d never felt lonelier. New Directions had pretty much been his family and here he wasn’t getting the same vibe that he had there.
Hell, he didn’t have any friends. Not really. The girls thought he was mysterious because he was quiet, and he swore to God he overheard some cheerleader call him the Black Edward Cullen. He needed to get the hell out of Texas.
They win the first regular game of the season and he gets dragged to some party at some cheerleader’s house whose name he doesn’t even know. He doesn’t even really know a single person there. So when a drink is pressed into his hand he takes it and just keeps drinking. The guys on the team call him Matt the Tank so he guesses they all like him, but they’re not the same as partying with Mike, Puck and Finn.
There’s a girl there that if he squints his eyes just right reminds him of Santana so he stumbles outside and calls her. She answers on the third ring. “What do you want, Rutherford?” She slurs out, drunk as well.
“Do you miss me?” He doesn’t know why he asks. It’s just that he misses her pretty much all the time, and for some reason he needs to know that she misses him, too.
She scoffs on the other end of the phone. “You wish.”
The line goes dead.
That’s as close to a ‘yes’ as he’s going to get from her.
*
The second time she calls him is right after she gets demoted to the bottom of the pyramid. She’s pissed as fuck at Quinn, but instead of plotting her revenge, she starts drinking. And drinking. And drinking. And drinking. By seven that night she’s drunk off her ass, but doesn’t care.
Brittany isn’t answering her phone.
Puckerman isn’t answering his phone.
Mike hits ignore.
So does Tina.
Shit, she asked them for a threesome one time and now they ignore her calls any time they think she’s drunk. Rude.
So she calls Matt: the dependable boy toy that was way too many miles away for her to remember in her current state of not quite blacked-outness. He answers right away.
“I miss you.” She can’t help but whisper out and God help herself she’s crying.
Like really crying.
She’s alone.
In the dark.
Sitting on the floor.
Crying like a little kid.
And he doesn’t say a word, but she knows he’s still on the line. She can hear the steady sound of his breathing and it lulls her to sleep
*
She wakes up at midnight to her phone ringing. Half asleep she answers with a mumbled “Bueno?”
“Do you think about me all the time because I think about you and I fucking hate it here. I want to be back in Lima, and I tell myself it’s because I miss Mike and Puckerman. And I miss singing in Glee. I tell myself that I just miss everything about Lima, but it’s not true. I mean, it’s not really true.”
It’s the most she thinks she’s ever heard him say at once, and she can barely get out a confused, “Rutherford?” before he’s talking again.
“I mean, I miss all that stuff, but I miss you, San. I miss dancing with you in glee. I miss hanging out with you when everyone else was busy. I miss driving around for hours just to drive around and forget about being stuck in Lima. I miss smoking pot with you in the teacher’s bathroom during class. I miss your mama’s cooking. I even miss your dad trying to stare me down every time I came over for dinner because he was convinced that I was corrupting you just because I’m black. But mostly I just miss you.”
It takes her a couple of seconds to realize that she’s crying again, and this time it’s not because she’s drunk. She’s never had anyone be that nice to her before, be that sweet on her before, care that much about her. She’s gotten so used to being the back-up plan that being the girl some guy thinks about all the time just blows her mind. And so before she can stop herself she finds herself blurting out: “I love you.”
And then of course she hangs up the phone. She doesn’t want to hear his reaction. She doesn’t want to hear any bullshit that would contradict anything he just told her.
She doesn’t sleep that night. Instead she lays there, thinking over and over again about how much of an idiot she was for telling anyone that. It’s nearly dawn when she gets his text: Ditto.
A smile works its way onto her face without her permission, and she almost immediately falls asleep. And when she dreams, it’s of Matt, but for the first time that doesn’t bother her. Because even if he’s in Texas (yeah, okay, she lied, she knew exactly where he was) he didn’t actually abandon her and for some pansy-ass reason that just makes everything better.
And for once she’s okay with that.