Just Like the Boxcar Children (chuck/serena) Part 2

[diamondinsanity]

It wasn‘t until her after freshman year at Brown when things began to click again.

As sad as it may sound, the second that Blair told her that she and Chuck were officially a couple, Serena was just waiting for them to crash and burn. After all, she knew them both better than anyone else did. If anyone could predict the destruction of Chuck and Blair, it was Serena. They were both far too passionate people to stay together for too long without combusting. Actually, Serena had been waiting for them to set fire to a building, but that wasn’t how they eventually broke up.

The break up was all poor Vanessa’s fault. Well… It was kind of Serena’s as well.

For some reason when it came to Vanessa, Blair became irrational. Even before she and Chuck were official, she still feared Vanessa being able to woo Chuck away from her. Honestly, it made no sense at all to Serena, but she’d long since learned that her best friend was irrational when she wanted to be. So, Serena never really said anything when Blair went on her rants when Chuck messed up. Every rant somehow turned into him sleeping with someone else and nine times out of ten that someone that Blair mentioned was Vanessa.

So, Serena probably should have told Blair that sometimes after hanging out at the penthouse with Dan and Rufus, Lily always insisted that Vanessa spent the night. And that when Vanessa spent the night, she tended to crash in Chuck’s room since he slept at his suite most of the time and on the rare occasion at the office, but he never really slept at home any more. Serena really didn’t think that it would matter to Blair, mostly because it never dawned on her that Blair would ever show up at the penthouse that early looking for Chuck.

But she did, and all hell broke loose.

From what Eric told Serena later, Blair stormed into Chuck’s room looking for him, and had freaked out when she saw Vanessa asleep in his bed and launched herself as Vanessa. They then had a catfight in Chuck’s room. It had taken both Rufus and Dan to get them off each other. Even though Chuck was no where in sight, and had, in fact, fallen asleep while looking over paperwork in the office, Blair was still convinced that Vanessa and Chuck were sleeping together.

So, out of revenge, she slept with someone else, and purposely set it up so Chuck would find them together. He’d broken up with her on the spot, but that didn’t mean that he was taking it well. In fact, Chuck was self-destructing slowly but surely, and Serena wasn’t sure if there was anything she could do about it.

It all started with the first time he overdosed, which was a month after he broke up with Blair.

It had been days since anyone had seen Chuck. He hadn’t shown up at Bass Industries for days, and was no longer returning anyone’s phone calls. Lily hadn’t known what to do since he hadn’t acted like this since Bart’s death and did the only thing that she could think of doing. Since Serena was in town, she sent her over to the suite to find Chuck. No one had actually expected to find him there. Serena thought that she would just pop up to the suite and still have time to meet Blair for lunch.

When she slowly opened the door, the stench of alcohol and sweat was so strong that it took her by surprise. “Chuck?” She whispered out into the darkness as she cautiously stepped inside. “Are you here?” She called out again as she moved to turn on the light. And that was when she stepped on his hand. And fell gracelessly down next to him.

Her scream echoed through the suite as she scrambled to her feet and immediately switched a lamp on. Horror washed over her as she saw his crumpled form on the floor. His skin was paler than she remembered it being, and she’d never seen him look so still in his life. In fact, he looked dead.

Before rushing over to him, she took in the state of his room as if that would tell her if he really was dead. There were empty bottles of all sorts of varieties scattered across the room. Some were different brands of alcohol and others seemed to be pill bottles. Glass, alcohol, pills and cocaine were everywhere. On the bed, on the floor, on the table. It was like he’d been determined to drug himself to death.

“Chuck!” She screamed out the second she got control of herself again. Immediately she was on the ground next to him, not caring as she felt glass shards burying into her skin. All that mattered was that Chuck wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be dead. “Chuck, don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead.” She prayed as she listened for a heartbeat and immediately sighed in relief when she heard a very faint beating sound.

Quickly she tried to remember what Carter had taught her when it came to overdoses. She’d only witnessed someone like this once before, and it had been in the eighth grade, and ironically it had been Chuck that time as well. So her mind was remembering more of how small Chuck had looked, and less of what Carter had done to save the day. All she really could remember were fuzzy fragments, but that was all she really had to go on right now. She couldn’t call 911 with the room looking the way it was. He was a mess, and she knew that, but if he lost Bass Industries because of this, it would only make things worse and she knew that. So, she was going to do what he always did for her. She was going to protect him.

Scanning her memories quickly, she remembered that Carter had carried Chuck into the bathroom. So, Serena tried to pull Chuck to his feet a couple of times. When that didn’t work, she decided that Chuck deserved a couple of cuts and scrapes for putting her through this shit, so she just grabbed both of his arms and dragged him into the bathroom.

Once they were in the bathroom, she left him by the toilet as she tried to think of what she was supposed to do next. She paced by the door for a couple of moments before remembering that she needed to pump his stomach somehow. That’s what they always did on those hospital shows. “What did Carter do…” She thought out loud before suddenly clapping her hands together when she remembered. “Make him throw up!”

Quickly she ran back out into the suite and began looking for any sort of non-alcoholic substance that she could mix together that would taste gross and get him to throw everything up. Remembering that Chuck did like mixed drinks, she was really hoping that there was something that she could use for her concoction in here. Frowning when she realized that all of the glass had been smashed out of the mirror above the bar, she quickly maneuvered herself around the large shards of glass and into the mini-fridge. “That’ll work…” She muttered to herself as she pulled out tomato juice, mustard and milk that had expired a couple of days prior. Now, she didn’t know why he had mustard in his fridge, but it would help. Right now anything would help. She really didn’t know how she would react if he died. He truly had been her first friend in this UES world.

Shaking those thoughts from her head, she pulled out a martini shaker and began pouring the three ingredients inside of it. She wrinkled her nose at both the color of the concoction and the smell, but it wasn’t like she really had a choice in the matter. Chuck needed to get some of the toxins out of his system and this was the only way that she could think of to do it. After all, she had no idea how long he’d been passed out for before she’d shown up looking for him.

Once she was back in the bathroom with him, she set the martini shaker on the counter before sliding onto the floor next to Chuck. She pressed her ear against his chest again as she listened for a heartbeat. It was still barely there, but it was there, and if she looked closely enough, she could see his chest slightly moving. So at least he was breathing and his blood was flowing. That was the only positive thing she could think of right now. Awkwardly, she propped him up into a sitting position before grabbing the concoction off the counter. “I’m really sorry, Chuck.” She told him before holding his head in one of her hands, and pouring the concoction down his throat with the other.

At first nothing really happened. The concoction just dribbled down his front, and that was it. Serena really didn’t know what to do, and when he suddenly started convulsing, she was certain that she’d accidentally drowned him by pouring it down his throat like that.

He slapped the shaker out of her hand, sending it across the room with a loud crashing sound before he suddenly started throwing up on himself. Immediately, Serena repositioned him so he was throwing up into the toilet, and not onto himself before just anxiously sitting next to him. Her hands traced soothing patterns on his back as he continued throwing up.

“I need to go back to sleep.” He mumbled into the bowl for a moment before trying to push himself away from the toilet and Serena.

She pressed her hands into his back and forced his head back down towards the toilet. “No, Chuck. You need to throw up some more, and then you can sleep.” She bossed out, hoping that he would listen to her for once.

Chuck tensed for a moment, but then his arms wrapped around the toilet’s base as he continued throwing up again. It felt as though it went on for hours, and once he stopped throwing up, Serena really didn’t know what to do any more. She tried remember what else Carter had done, but she couldn’t really remember. So she did the first thing that she could think of doing. She pulled him slightly away from the toilet and began unbuttoning his soiled shirt.

“Serena?” He asked her drowsily.

She just shook her head at him as she threw the vomit covered shirt off him and awkwardly began tugging him up to his feet. “You need to get into the shower, Chuck.” She told him, balancing him with one arm as she turned on the faucet to lukewarm water with her other hand.

“No.” He mumbled out, burying his face into the crook of her neck instead.

Serena couldn’t help but to roll her eyes at his antics before forcing him into the shower with her. The second the water hit him, he lost his balance, and attempted to grab Serena to keep him upright. Of course, instead of actually working, his action just knocked them both over and onto the bottom of the tub, Serena lying on top of him.

“Chuck?” She asked, needing to make sure that he really was still awake and breathing.

He didn’t exactly give her a verbal response. Instead he just grunted something nonverbal at her before grabbing a strand of her hair between his fingers. It was as though he really didn’t care that he was lying in a bathtub half-clothed with a fully clothed Serena as mostly cold water pelted down on them. In fact, he looked rather content with everything going on around them. So he just laid there, one hand resting on Serena’s back, and the other playing with her wet hair.

They lay there for what felt like hours to Serena, but she really couldn’t figure out a way to get up without moving Chuck, and he just looked so content lying beneath her. Besides, it was progress. He was awake and somewhat verbal. It was better than nothing.

When she felt his heart beating at a more normal pace, she reached behind her and turned the water to a warmer temperature. The second that she did that though Chuck’s eyes began to close. “No, Chuck!” She screamed at him. “No! Bad Chuck!” Serena immediately put the water on its coldest setting before readjusting them so they were sitting side by side at the bottom of the tub.

Immediately Chuck began to sputter out water, and gave her a glare. “Serena!” He complained before slowly trying to reach past her and make the water warmer again. A hell of a lot more sober than he was, she easily out maneuvered him, and held on tightly to both his hands.

As soon as he stopped fighting against her, she studied him for a moment before making the water warmer again. He leaned against her then, but his eyes didn’t close. They just sat in the tub as the water soaked through their clothes.

“Chuck?” She finally asked him when she felt like he was a little more sober. “Why?”

He was silent for a moment. Slowly, he sat up straight and stared down at his wet pants. “It would have been a year today.” He admitted, refusing to look at her. “I would have been in my first long term relationship for a year.”

“Oh, Chuck…” Serena murmured before resting her head on his shoulder, and taking one of his hands in hers again. “Want to run away?”

He gave a dark chuckle. “I just did.”

And as the words settled all Serena could think was that this world made them grow up way too fast.

And then things just got confusing the second time that he ‘overdosed’ because she wasn’t the one who found him.

Although Chuck wasn’t exactly better, he’d managed to get his shit together a little better, or at least better than he had been a couple of months prior, and Serena knew very well why he was suddenly doing better. She’d randomly come home for a weekend, and had unfortunately walked in on Vanessa giving Chuck a blowjob in the living room. Instead of being horrified, she’d just burst into laughter. It really did amuse her. After all, Blair had cheated on Chuck because she’d thought that Chuck had been cheating on her with Vanessa, and now here he was fooling around with Vanessa again. It just didn’t make sense to her how Chuck only really seemed functional if he had a woman or women in his life. At least since senior year. If he wasn’t perusing Blair, then he was chasing after Vanessa, and it made absolutely no sense to her.

Thankfully her laughing had made things less awkward, but it had managed to piss them both off. She didn’t know why it pissed them off; she was the one who was scarred for life. But things seemed a little easier after that. Chuck wasn’t disappearing for days at a time any more, and whenever she was in town, she saw quite a bit of Vanessa mostly because Chuck hadn’t scared her off like he normally did whenever they hooked up. It was strange to Serena, but at least she knew that she wasn’t going to have to take care of him for awhile. Plus, she could deal with him dating Vanessa. It was weird, but it was something that she was surprisingly okay with. She thought that because he was with someone relatively more sane than the women that he normally chased after, she wouldn’t have to worry about Chuck doing anything stupid to himself again.

And then she got a phone call at three a.m.

When her phone first started ringing, she had decided that she was going to ignore it, thinking that it may be Dan. During summer they’d gotten hot and heavy again, but they’d broken up when she went back to Brown. Her first thought was that maybe he’d found out that she had come home this weekend and was looking for a booty call, but that thought was dashed when she realized that it was Chuck’s ringtone. Groaning, she reached over and opened her phone, ending the chorus of Womanizer.

“Do you know how late it is, Chuck?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment. “Serena? It’s not Chuck. It’s Vanessa.” She sounded nervous about something.

Immediately Serena was out of her bed and looking for a pair of jeans to throw on. “What happened to Chuck? Is he okay?” She asked, her mind immediately flashing back to how he’d been on what would have been his and Blair’s one year anniversary.

“I… I had to work a late shift tonight, and I came home and he was… I think he overdosed on something.” Vanessa trailed off for a moment, panic overtaking her. “He’s not moving, Serena. He’s on the floor, and his eyes are open, and he’s muttering stuff, but I have no idea what he’s saying. I don’t think he’s really here. And there was a needle on the ground. I was going to call 911, but…”

“No!” Serena immediately interjected. “That immorality clause is still there until he’s twenty-one. He can’t lose the company again. I think I know what he’s on… Is he breathing?”

Vanessa was quiet for a moment. “Barely, but his heart his beating so fast. I think he was trying to say your name…” She got quiet again. “I don’t know what to do.

“I’ll be there as fast as I can.” She promised. “Try to get him off the floor, and make sure that he doesn’t start convulsing. If he does, then we’re going to have to call our family doctor. The board can’t find out about this.”

“Serena? What is he on?” Vanessa sounded very confused about the entire situation, and Serena didn’t blame her. She did sound far too knowledgeable about the entire thing.

She wasn’t sure if she should tell Vanessa what was going on, but she had been dating Chuck for a couple of months now. “Do you know what today is?” She asked Vanessa as she grabbed her purse and started out of the penthouse.

Vanessa was quiet for a moment as she thought about it. “No.” She finally admitted.

“It’s Bart’s birthday.” She informed her as she stepped into the elevator. “That’s why I was in town. My mom and Rufus might be married, but she wanted me home this weekend. I think she was afraid of Chuck doing something like this. He and Georgie used to do K on his birthday every year in honor of his mom.”

“Why?”

Serena sighed and glanced around the empty lobby before stepping out into the night. “K-holes.” When Vanessa didn’t say anything, Serena just sighed again. “They’re supposed to connect you to the dead. Apparently if you take enough of it, you can communicate with the dead.”

“So he’s trying to…” Vanessa trailed off. “That’s twisted.”

Serena had always thought so, but back in her partying days, she’d just thought it was funny when Chuck and Georgie were lying on the floor so far gone out of their minds that they weren’t making any sense. But it hadn’t been funny when she found out that they both had nightmares for weeks afterwards because of the things they saw on their trip. “I’ll be there as fast as I can.” She promised again. “Just watch him.”

When Serena finally made it to Vanessa’s apartment, she really didn’t know what to do. After all, she’d told Vanessa everything that she needed to know over the phone. She really only was there for moral support. There wasn’t anything to do right now, but wait. Wait for Chuck to come down from his high or wait for him to start convulsing and call for an ambulance. All they could do was wait.

“I hate this.” Vanessa admitted as she made a pot of coffee for herself and Serena. “I hate that he keeps doing this stuff to himself.”

She nodded slowly, really not knowing what to tell Vanessa. Of all people, Serena understood his need for escape better than anyone else, and drugs had always been that for him. Of course, she wished that he’d stuck to something a little safer, like hash, but she always expected this kind of behavior from him. This was just how that little boy named Charlie had grown up. He’d turned into a guy who grew up too fast for his own good, and now ran away from everything because it was easier.

She could relate.

As Vanessa finally poured the coffee into mugs, Serena took in the small, cluttered apartment around her. Dan had told her that Vanessa lived with her older sister, Ruby, but Serena honestly couldn’t tell that anyone else lived here. Well, besides her. And Chuck. His paperwork was spread all over the small kitchen table, and she spied his scarf hanging over the arm of the couch on which he now lay, not too far from his head actually. “Vanessa?” She suddenly asked as she took the cup from her. “Where’s Ruby?”

That question immediately caused Vanessa to blush. “She moved to Queens a couple of weeks ago, actually.” She admitted with a shy little smile. “She’s living with her latest girlfriend. I actually think this one might last.”

“Is Chuck living in Brooklyn?” Serena couldn’t hide the gleeful smile from her face. She honestly couldn’t believe it. Chuck Bass living in Brooklyn. If Gossip Girl found out, she would have a field day about this one. It really was the last place that Serena would have thought of to look for him. “Chuck is living in Brooklyn.”

Vanessa glanced over at his drugged out form on the couch before looking back at Serena and bursting into laughter. “Weird, right?” She said when she finally could breathe again. “I think he actually kind of likes it, though. Or…” Her amusement quickly faded away as she watched his immobile form. “I thought he did.”

Serena immediately grabbed Vanessa’s hand. “This isn’t your fault. Chuck…” She sighed softly as she tried to figure out the best way to explain this to her. “He’s been running away since we were kids. It’s what he does when he doesn’t know how to deal with a situation. Bart was his…” She tried to figure out a word to explain the way that Chuck always looked at his father. “His hero. I really think this is the only way he knows how to deal with his death; even now.”

Both girls were silent for a moment. Or at least they were silent until Chuck rolled off the couch and onto the coffee table. They both stared at each other, as though neither woman knew what to do. Suddenly Serena put down the cup and then all but threw herself across the room and at Chuck.

“Chuck!” She screamed at him kneeling down on the floor next to him, not sure if he was starting to have a seizure or not. You never really could figure out those things with Chuck until it was too late to really do anything about it.

But he just shifted lazily so that his head was leaning against her legs but the rest of his body was still on the floor. He gave a long and creepy sounding drugged out laugh after awhile. “I can still feel it. All of it. All of everything. It’s all connected with each other, and it’s all one feeling and it’s great.” He laughed again, almost sounding worse than when he’d been binging right after Bart’s death. “Can you feel it? Can you feel it all, Vanessa?” He asked in between his laughter as he leaned further back against Serena, obviously still under the effects of the antithetic-based drug and not able to move his body very much.

It immediately felt like a slap in the face to Serena. He thought that she was Vanessa? He thought that she was Vanessa!!! It instantly pissed her off. She was always the one that was there to protect him from himself when he ran away from his problems because most of the time he took drug vacations, and she was the one who was there when he overdosed. It should have been her name. He should have known that it was her. It was always her, and the fact that he didn’t know felt like a stab to her heart. She really couldn’t explain it, and really didn’t want to. Instead she just looked helplessly over at Vanessa.

Vanessa kneeled on the other side of Chuck and slowly started shifting him into a sitting position, using the couch and her arms to prop his lazy body up. “And I still think you’re high, Bass.” She pointed out, her fear quickly fading away to relief and amusement. “You sound like some of my parent’s friends after an LSD trip.”

He just laughed and put more of his weight against Vanessa than the couch. Slowly, he took Vanessa’s hand and placed it against his chest. “We’re all connected. I can feel it pulsing everywhere.” He tried to explain, but couldn’t even take himself seriously. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he started laughing again.

“That’s called a heartbeat.” She pointed out, as though talking to a small child before looking over at Serena and rolling her eyes.

Chuck’s head lulled down onto Vanessa’s chest. “I think I’m still flying above the clouds. Everything’s purple.” He sighed in contentment. “I adore it.”

“Those aren’t clouds, Chuck.” Vanessa looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh. “And I think that’s a sign that it’s okay to put you in bed.” She decided, shooting Serena a look for approval before attempting to get up while trying to pull her boyfriend up with her.

Serena watched Vanessa struggle for a moment, wondering idly when Vanessa had become the person that Chuck needed when he wanted to run away. She really didn’t like it at all. Sighing, she snapped out of her daze and helped Vanessa pull Chuck up to his feet. Together the girls started dragging him to what Serena assumed was Vanessa’s bedroom.

And that was when he said it.

“We could run away together.” He mumbled out, both his arms around Vanessa’s waist as his head slowly lolled onto her shoulder as well. It was as though he had absolutely no idea that Serena was even there helping him. All of his focus and attention was currently on Vanessa. “We could live in the woods like the fucking Boxcar Children and just spend all of our time naked.”

It was one of the worst things that Chuck had ever done to her. He’d taken one of her most cherished memories and had given it to Vanessa. Not only was he oblivious to the fact that Serena was even there, but he’d also given their dream to Vanessa. At that current moment in her life, she hated Chuck. She hated him with the passion of a thousand burning suns. She hated him for suddenly deciding to give Vanessa a glimpse into his childhood that only she’d seen before. It felt like a betrayal. She could feel tears stinging at her eyes, but she ignored them as she helped Vanessa get Chuck onto the bed.

“Serena, thank you.” The other woman told her, the sincerity more than obvious in her voice, but Serena couldn’t even look at her. If she did, she knew that she would start crying. So she mumbled something incoherently under her breath before grabbing her purse and literally running out of her apartment. Tomorrow she would tell Vanessa that it had just shaken her up seeing Chuck like that, and the other girl would believe her, but right now all she could do was wallow in self pity.

As she sat in the cab on her ride home, unable to stop the tears that were stinging at her cheeks, she realized two things. One was her usual realization that they’d both grown up far too quickly in this environment. The second thing was that somehow she’d accidentally fallen in love with Chuck Bass.

She wanted to throw up.

And just like that she couldn’t bring herself to even look at Chuck or Vanessa any more. She threw herself into school, and not much else. She was trying to erase the fact that she’d somehow fallen in love with him over the years. It wasn’t something that she could pinpoint either, but now as she looked back at everything that had happened between her and Chuck, all she could even think about was whether or not she’d loved him them. So she did what she could to forget all Chuck Bass-related thoughts, and studying really did help her forget about him and Vanessa for awhile. It also really helped her g.p.a.

And then she went home for summer break after completing a 4.0 the spring semester of her sophomore year.