(no subject)
Everytime I see Ronnie I still get a little shakey..
I no longer get those butterflies, but I do smile. Mainly because every time he sees me, I know he wants me. And now, he can't have me. I can tease him all I want and it drives him nuts because he can't have me now. I love smiling at him. Feeling him staring me when I'm working in Box. He's crazy... completely psychotic.. but I love playing along...
As much I love him, I've finally realized that I'm not IN love with him anymore. I was just holding onto memories that were all fake to begin with anymore. We'll always have that connection though. Thats what will suck about it.
I have these feelings growing more and more for Steven. I hate it. And he's pushing me to them. Calling me when he's drunk, telling me things when his guard is down. Telling me to come spend a week at his house. I'm trying to ignore these feelings with every ounce of my soul because I can't do this again. Ronnie completely broke me down. I haven't even built myself back up yet....
Sometimes I just get so sad... and then people get mad at me when they ask whats wrong and I say "nothing". They get mad because they know somethings wrong but I don't want to tell people that I don't have time to tell them whats wrong. Life is what's wrong with me. My parents. The way my two best friends act. How I've lost all my friends from High School. Everything with Ronnie.. he ruined my life completely.. There are a lot of things that I just sit and think about sometimes... and I just get so sad...
I no longer get those butterflies, but I do smile. Mainly because every time he sees me, I know he wants me. And now, he can't have me. I can tease him all I want and it drives him nuts because he can't have me now. I love smiling at him. Feeling him staring me when I'm working in Box. He's crazy... completely psychotic.. but I love playing along...
As much I love him, I've finally realized that I'm not IN love with him anymore. I was just holding onto memories that were all fake to begin with anymore. We'll always have that connection though. Thats what will suck about it.
I have these feelings growing more and more for Steven. I hate it. And he's pushing me to them. Calling me when he's drunk, telling me things when his guard is down. Telling me to come spend a week at his house. I'm trying to ignore these feelings with every ounce of my soul because I can't do this again. Ronnie completely broke me down. I haven't even built myself back up yet....
Sometimes I just get so sad... and then people get mad at me when they ask whats wrong and I say "nothing". They get mad because they know somethings wrong but I don't want to tell people that I don't have time to tell them whats wrong. Life is what's wrong with me. My parents. The way my two best friends act. How I've lost all my friends from High School. Everything with Ronnie.. he ruined my life completely.. There are a lot of things that I just sit and think about sometimes... and I just get so sad...