"Passing" really isn't that important.
I've been fretting over whether or not I pass as male when I am male, but the more I think about it, it doesn't matter. I've been trying to adopt the masculinity of the people who see me rather than embracing the masculinity that bubbles up from inside me. Just because my painted nails might make people think I'm female doesn't mean I'm wrong if I ask them to address me as male. I don't need to hide my feminine characteristics to be male. I mean, there are times when I would really like to do that, and times when I see shirtless guys with abs and stare, not because I'm interested, but because I'm envious, but that doesn't mean that any day I'm not binding is a day when I'm not male. I'm male right now. I doubt anyone would guess unless they asked, but I am, and the one thing that makes that true isn't my body, or how I dress, or my tone of voice, or my hair, but the fact that I feel it.
Would I like to "pass" as male? Sometimes. Does not being read as male feel weird when I am male? Ugh, yes, very! But does the way people perceive me affect my gender identity? I'd like to say no. I know I'm not quite there yet, and I tend to suffer huge self esteem blows when I'm treated as female on a day where I feel male. I know I'd feel the same if I were read as male on a female day. But I'm hoping to one day be able to correct people when they address me, regardless of whether or not they will believe me.
Would I like to "pass" as male? Sometimes. Does not being read as male feel weird when I am male? Ugh, yes, very! But does the way people perceive me affect my gender identity? I'd like to say no. I know I'm not quite there yet, and I tend to suffer huge self esteem blows when I'm treated as female on a day where I feel male. I know I'd feel the same if I were read as male on a female day. But I'm hoping to one day be able to correct people when they address me, regardless of whether or not they will believe me.