(no subject)
Riiigghhttt....
Using Brandons computer is like being in a traffic jam... you have somewhere you want to be but there is no possible way to get there but to creep...
This has been the worst possible start to a new year I have ever experienced. Not that I truly think January 1st means a new chance, a new view, or a new anyone else. I suppose I just hoped a little too hard this time and felt a bit smushed when it all went down hill. My faith in so many peoples good will has been whittled down.
I haven't done much.. visited "Mama Bear" a few times. It breaks my heart to see her there.. she is so sad. She deserves so much more. She has picked me up off the floor so many times in my life and as bad as I want to I can't pick her up. I swear I would cut off my own arm with a swiss army knife if it would make her get better for good. I can't picture not having her to peel off the ground with a spatula whenever I need it.
My hands are freezing right now... poor circulation plus cold basement makes me numb..
With all the bad.. some good things have happened. My Father actually spoke to me, although not about anything important (his new dvd recorder) I believe its the first step. Brandons family has proven there are good people in the world. I stopped thinking bad things happened to me because I am a bad person. I am a good person and sometimes shit just happens...
"I do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
I do it because it's the least I can do
I do it because I learned it from you
I do it just because I want to
because I want to
everything I do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way?
no, well o.k. then
don't cry
and I wonder if everything I do
I do instead
of something I want to do more
the question fills my head
I know that there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
and when everything else seems unclear
I guess at least I know
I do it for the joy it brings..."
Using Brandons computer is like being in a traffic jam... you have somewhere you want to be but there is no possible way to get there but to creep...
This has been the worst possible start to a new year I have ever experienced. Not that I truly think January 1st means a new chance, a new view, or a new anyone else. I suppose I just hoped a little too hard this time and felt a bit smushed when it all went down hill. My faith in so many peoples good will has been whittled down.
I haven't done much.. visited "Mama Bear" a few times. It breaks my heart to see her there.. she is so sad. She deserves so much more. She has picked me up off the floor so many times in my life and as bad as I want to I can't pick her up. I swear I would cut off my own arm with a swiss army knife if it would make her get better for good. I can't picture not having her to peel off the ground with a spatula whenever I need it.
My hands are freezing right now... poor circulation plus cold basement makes me numb..
With all the bad.. some good things have happened. My Father actually spoke to me, although not about anything important (his new dvd recorder) I believe its the first step. Brandons family has proven there are good people in the world. I stopped thinking bad things happened to me because I am a bad person. I am a good person and sometimes shit just happens...
"I do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
I do it because it's the least I can do
I do it because I learned it from you
I do it just because I want to
because I want to
everything I do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye
and says would you prefer the easy way?
no, well o.k. then
don't cry
and I wonder if everything I do
I do instead
of something I want to do more
the question fills my head
I know that there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
and when everything else seems unclear
I guess at least I know
I do it for the joy it brings..."