(no subject)
Not sure why I'm posting tonight, perhaps just to vent some. I know it's been awhile. Well the lung disease I have is called Sarcoidosis, I read up about it, most likely it's not going to kill me but it won't be going away and I have some of the symptoms and I read the treatment and it gives me some of those issues too when I'm taking the meds.
I went back into the hospital on the 29th of December, got out on the 4th. All I did was go out for 2 hours (approx) without O2, mostly sat in my car and in a restaurant and ate. Went home, walked up 1 flight of stairs carrying about 10-15lbs, and after that I couldn't seem to catch my breath, I put on my O2, turned it up, still didn't seem to be able to, so I called 911, about 3-4 minutes later I started to feel better, tried to cancel them but they came anyway, so I let them check me out, I felt better, and at the last minute, I decided to let them take me in to let the Dr's check me out. Laid there for a few hours, the Dr. asked me if I wanted him to send me home or stay overnight, I told him to do what he thought was best and he said he wanted to keep me overnight for observation, that turned into 6 days and more tests. But the Pulmonary Dr. I got was better, wants me to do some out patient testing to check some other things. Seems I had a flare up so they started the steroids again for another month.
As for disability they are of course just keeping me waiting on letting me know their decision but I hope to hear this week.
On an off note, I had an argument with a friend a few weeks ago, and while I know he was mad at the time for something stupid, something he said has stuck with me. To be honest I think it's truly how I feel about things, he said that "I failed at life" and to be honest if I look back that's exactly how I do feel, other then my 2 sons, who now I cannot see or speak to (long story, if someone really wants to know I will tell them), I feel like that is exactly what I have done, failed at life, I'm 44, I have nothing to really show for my life, not many good friends left, perhaps 2 or 3, no close family, and the one thing I always wanted I now think will never happen, to have someone special to share it and the things I love and enjoy with. Well I have droned on enough for tonight. Thank you to anyone who actually bothered to read all of it.
I went back into the hospital on the 29th of December, got out on the 4th. All I did was go out for 2 hours (approx) without O2, mostly sat in my car and in a restaurant and ate. Went home, walked up 1 flight of stairs carrying about 10-15lbs, and after that I couldn't seem to catch my breath, I put on my O2, turned it up, still didn't seem to be able to, so I called 911, about 3-4 minutes later I started to feel better, tried to cancel them but they came anyway, so I let them check me out, I felt better, and at the last minute, I decided to let them take me in to let the Dr's check me out. Laid there for a few hours, the Dr. asked me if I wanted him to send me home or stay overnight, I told him to do what he thought was best and he said he wanted to keep me overnight for observation, that turned into 6 days and more tests. But the Pulmonary Dr. I got was better, wants me to do some out patient testing to check some other things. Seems I had a flare up so they started the steroids again for another month.
As for disability they are of course just keeping me waiting on letting me know their decision but I hope to hear this week.
On an off note, I had an argument with a friend a few weeks ago, and while I know he was mad at the time for something stupid, something he said has stuck with me. To be honest I think it's truly how I feel about things, he said that "I failed at life" and to be honest if I look back that's exactly how I do feel, other then my 2 sons, who now I cannot see or speak to (long story, if someone really wants to know I will tell them), I feel like that is exactly what I have done, failed at life, I'm 44, I have nothing to really show for my life, not many good friends left, perhaps 2 or 3, no close family, and the one thing I always wanted I now think will never happen, to have someone special to share it and the things I love and enjoy with. Well I have droned on enough for tonight. Thank you to anyone who actually bothered to read all of it.