Joke
So a grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender looks at him and says excitedly, "We have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper smiles brightly and putting his hand up to his chest he screeches out, "YOU HAVE A DRINK NAMED -BOB-!!?"
*Snickers*
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A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 BC - "Here, eat this root."
1000 BC - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 AD - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 AD - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 AD - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 AD - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
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Here is the LOST CHAPTER IN GENESIS....
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him,
"What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said,
"This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history..
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A state trooper sees a vehicle on the interstate doing 33 miles an hour and pulls the car to make sure everything is all right. When he approaches the driver he discovers that it is a nun.
"Excuse me, sister. But are you alright ?" He asked.
She replies, "Oh, yes officer. We're just fine. Was I doing something wrong?"
The officer says, "Well sister, you were traveling way under the speed limit and I was concerned that you might be having car trouble or something."
"But officer", the nun interrupts, "I saw a sign there about a mile back that said 33, and I know I wasn't going any faster than that."
Chuckling, the trooper says, "Sister, that was a state highway route marker, this is State Route 33, not the speed limit. The speed limit signs have a MPH at the bottom."
"Oh, now don't I feel foolish!", replied the nun turning red.
"That's ok, but please try to be more careful, I would hate to see you get hurt", finished the officer. Then as he turns to say good-bye to the nuns in the back seat, he notices for the first time that they are trembling violently and quite pale.
"Sister, what is wrong with your friends? Can I escort you to a hospital ?"
"Oh, no, they're all right. We just turned off of Route 150."
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Sister Mary and the vampire
Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes. She then opens the window and shouts, "Get the hell off our car!"
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The bartender looks at him and says excitedly, "We have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper smiles brightly and putting his hand up to his chest he screeches out, "YOU HAVE A DRINK NAMED -BOB-!!?"
*Snickers*
+++++++++++++
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 BC - "Here, eat this root."
1000 BC - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 AD - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 AD - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 AD - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 AD - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
+++++++++++++
Here is the LOST CHAPTER IN GENESIS....
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him,
"What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said,
"This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history..
+++++++++++++
A state trooper sees a vehicle on the interstate doing 33 miles an hour and pulls the car to make sure everything is all right. When he approaches the driver he discovers that it is a nun.
"Excuse me, sister. But are you alright ?" He asked.
She replies, "Oh, yes officer. We're just fine. Was I doing something wrong?"
The officer says, "Well sister, you were traveling way under the speed limit and I was concerned that you might be having car trouble or something."
"But officer", the nun interrupts, "I saw a sign there about a mile back that said 33, and I know I wasn't going any faster than that."
Chuckling, the trooper says, "Sister, that was a state highway route marker, this is State Route 33, not the speed limit. The speed limit signs have a MPH at the bottom."
"Oh, now don't I feel foolish!", replied the nun turning red.
"That's ok, but please try to be more careful, I would hate to see you get hurt", finished the officer. Then as he turns to say good-bye to the nuns in the back seat, he notices for the first time that they are trembling violently and quite pale.
"Sister, what is wrong with your friends? Can I escort you to a hospital ?"
"Oh, no, they're all right. We just turned off of Route 150."
+++++++++++++
Sister Mary and the vampire
Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes. She then opens the window and shouts, "Get the hell off our car!"
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