Fish-gasm? (think of something less creepy...)

[corvus_raptorus]

Tonight I am watching television,
getting myself off
thinking of you
all at once.

There's a gray-haired man,
probably some fifty-something biologist from New Zealand
or someplace foreign like that
I can't hear him
because I've got it on MUTE

I thrust my toy in
seventy dollars well-paid, I think
and start to gyrate it

the man on the screen is in some muddy river
in South America
he is so happy that he's caught this massive, long fish
one of only a thousand known to exist

it's phallic,
I grin
I'm so close
and the fish on the screen must be eight, ten feet in length
with olive scales
looking not unlike a sea beast from a mariner's tale
the man is grinning too
but for a different reason than my own
he hefts it out of the water,
running one hand along the crimson scales of its belly
before saying something
and releasing it

I release,
and the muddy water is alive
with the lashing of the fish after it's caught
the hook still sunk into its jaw
fighting again for its life
as I fight for reckless abandon

there's you, in my mind,
clear as day
I see the fish thrashing
but I say your name once

then
it's gone

refractory phase
for myself and that damn fish
probably it will die of some secondary infection
caused by a hook to the mouth
and probably I will die
sometime
of this stupid chronic illness

at least

the fish will be missed