Writing problem....
I have the damnedest time writing the smut portions of my fic. It's not for lack of inspiration: I know basically what sort of sexual shenanigans are going to happen in each scene. But... making myself put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) to write those sentences is like pulling teeth. Why?
Am I embarrassed/ashamed?
Do I feel like I'm doing it wrong, because it comes out either cheesily mechanical or overly poetic, and I feel like I'm using the same words and descriptors over and over again?
Do I feel like I'm flailing around in the dark because I'm working completely from imagination and can barely remember how things feel and work eight and half years later? And that things might be unrealistic?
Gaah. This is frustrating, because at some level, I want to write this smut. I want to be the person who has successfully completely a smutty fic.
I could "fade out" before the sex scenes and still have an interesting fic because Loki is a terrible tease and a huge flirt. But it would feel lacking if I did that.
I've become adept at finding non smut things I want to write elsewhere in Bright Constellations, or things I want to say in another fic, or poem, and avoiding working on the sex scenes. So I'll write one or two sentences of the sex over the course of a night, in between doing all those other things, and faffing around on social media.
Wish I could figure out a way to unblock this. This pattern has been going on long enough that I feel inadequate and frustrated.
Help me, my lovely Muse? Or are you the reason this isn't working? Is it that you don't want it written?
I hope that's not the case, and I don't think it is, because I know what comes next, I might have the descriptive sentence in my head but just can't force myself to write it down. So it may well be internalized sex-negativity causing embarrassment and shyness.. which is weird because I'm outwardly so forward about these things.
Help me, my lovely Loki, help me break down those barriers. I love you always.
Am I embarrassed/ashamed?
Do I feel like I'm doing it wrong, because it comes out either cheesily mechanical or overly poetic, and I feel like I'm using the same words and descriptors over and over again?
Do I feel like I'm flailing around in the dark because I'm working completely from imagination and can barely remember how things feel and work eight and half years later? And that things might be unrealistic?
Gaah. This is frustrating, because at some level, I want to write this smut. I want to be the person who has successfully completely a smutty fic.
I could "fade out" before the sex scenes and still have an interesting fic because Loki is a terrible tease and a huge flirt. But it would feel lacking if I did that.
I've become adept at finding non smut things I want to write elsewhere in Bright Constellations, or things I want to say in another fic, or poem, and avoiding working on the sex scenes. So I'll write one or two sentences of the sex over the course of a night, in between doing all those other things, and faffing around on social media.
Wish I could figure out a way to unblock this. This pattern has been going on long enough that I feel inadequate and frustrated.
Help me, my lovely Muse? Or are you the reason this isn't working? Is it that you don't want it written?
I hope that's not the case, and I don't think it is, because I know what comes next, I might have the descriptive sentence in my head but just can't force myself to write it down. So it may well be internalized sex-negativity causing embarrassment and shyness.. which is weird because I'm outwardly so forward about these things.
Help me, my lovely Loki, help me break down those barriers. I love you always.