...my own worst enemy
What the fuck is going on. Usually I write elegantly and with great pride...but today I can't even begin...correction, tonight...I can't begin to do that. I just feel like...the largest...hugest...horrible person in the world...I feel wrong...and...I just feel sort of...used and misled...it was as if what I thought was harmless fun...really wasn't...
It's an insane thing when you remember figure out that the reason you are in trouble for something others are not getting in trouble for is...well...others are still behind you in the food chain. It's like when you go back to visit your teachers at your high school 5 years later and as the seniors pass by, if you stop to chat with them, have a laugh or two then stop yourself when invited to a party and then politely walk away and continue to wherever you were going...because you realized they are farrrrrrrrrrr behind you. I can't sleep out of feeling purely stupid. That and...well...wondering why on Earth I would let me defenses go down...
I never realized how when...you are on medication...having a serious daily routine...then going to running out of the medication and the routine is broken...how truly shattered your life can be...I'm doing the best to scavange the fragments and I pray that my foolishness does not interfere again...I need to get back on that medication...
I love Marie too much to screw it all up any further...nearly 2 years....
It's an insane thing when you remember figure out that the reason you are in trouble for something others are not getting in trouble for is...well...others are still behind you in the food chain. It's like when you go back to visit your teachers at your high school 5 years later and as the seniors pass by, if you stop to chat with them, have a laugh or two then stop yourself when invited to a party and then politely walk away and continue to wherever you were going...because you realized they are farrrrrrrrrrr behind you. I can't sleep out of feeling purely stupid. That and...well...wondering why on Earth I would let me defenses go down...
I never realized how when...you are on medication...having a serious daily routine...then going to running out of the medication and the routine is broken...how truly shattered your life can be...I'm doing the best to scavange the fragments and I pray that my foolishness does not interfere again...I need to get back on that medication...
I love Marie too much to screw it all up any further...nearly 2 years....