Matt/Jere...unfinished
Matt/Jere
no title as of now
September never stays this cold where I come from
“Don’t be jealous, sweetie. I was only taking him for a ride.” He grinned at Matt, and Matt just shook his head. Sometimes things were so complicated between them, that not even you could get your head around them. Famiglia. You know you’ve been wanting. You just can’t let it be known. Not in words, suggestions, actions. Nothing. You know he doesn’t like you the same. You’ve been best friends with him forever but sometimes you feel like you barely know him. Gaps in your knowledge. He doesn’t tell you everything anymore. Not since “Famiglia.” It’s an unspoken thing. But you’re sick and tired of it being so.
You’re always there for Matt. He knows he can always go to you when he’s hurt because of Tony’s fuck ups. He always ends up spending the night with you. You always end up with him snuggling against you, peacefully asleep. You know there’s only so many fuck ups a person can make before the one they hurt snaps. You had a feeling that maybe this was the last time that Matt would take Tony’s bullshit. Maybe he’s going to break like a mirror after a fist flies into it. Maybe you’ll be there to pick up the pieces for him. Maybe he’ll realize that you’ve been there all along waiting for him. Maybe not.
And you know, I’m not one for complaining.
You know that in a few hours, Matt will walk into your apartment with a baggie of weed, and beg that you get high with him. You know that he’s going to end up smoking a lot, while you’ll only smoke a joint or two. You also know that he’s going to try and cuddle with you, and fall asleep burying his face into your chest, as always, when ever this happens. You don’t mind having any physical contact with him, and him being stoned lets you be this close to him, when normally, Matt isn’t the touchy-feely type. You still hope that one day he’ll think of you as more than a friend, though. Maybe, just maybe. You’ve felt this way about him for so long, that it hurts. He wants to know why you have depression problems. Someday you’re going to snap and say, “....and the reason’s standing in your shoes, Matt.” But you know that you don’t have the courage. You wish you did, but you’re so fragile. So so fragile.
You wish you were good enough, but you know you can’t compete with Tony. He’s so good looking, it hurts your eyes. You’re so quiet compared to him, that he’s the brightest star in the sky that blots you out. You wish you had more confidence, self-esteem...hell, you wish you weren’t you if that would make Matt fall for you. You know it’s not like you can magically wake up and become the person Matt Lovato would fall head over heels for. It’s just not possible, and it hurts to think that you’ll never be good enough. You want to be, but you know, at this point, it’s not who you are, it’s what you are, and you can’t change it. It’s how you act, and it’s your appearance. He’s not attracted to you, and you have this gut feeling that your relationship is going to stay strictly platonic forever. Please wait while I shed tears now.
But I love the way you roll excuses of the tip of your tongue
You want to roll your eyes at him, but you know that it’s not going to change anything if you act jealous and callous. You’re in so much pain though. You want him so much. Forget the want part. You love him so much it hurts. You can’t function right. He makes everything a task, since he’s all you can think about. He makes you worry endlessly, even if it’s fruitless, since you know for a fact that he can take care of himself just fine. That’s what kills you. You know he doesn’t need you. You feel useless. Fucking useless and unimportant. It hurts to know that even if you’re his best friend, you don’t matter that much. That you’re expendable. That you’re not nearly so useful to him as you’d like to be. You wouldn’t care if you were his whore. Actually, you’d like that. You’d fucking love it. A man can wish.
You want him so much, but because of it, it makes you fall apart inside. If he ever does have sex with you, it’ll only be because he wants to hurt Tony. Even if it seems that Tony probably wouldn’t care since he fucks everyone in god’s creation. Which would make him a male prostitute except he doesn’t get paid for his sex. He just likes to fuck everyone in sight. Well, not including you. He wouldn’t come near you like that, because Matt would kick his ass. You heard him say this one night when he was really drunk. He was about to say more, but Matt came over to him, and they went to a room to do god knows what.
no title as of now
September never stays this cold where I come from
“Don’t be jealous, sweetie. I was only taking him for a ride.” He grinned at Matt, and Matt just shook his head. Sometimes things were so complicated between them, that not even you could get your head around them. Famiglia. You know you’ve been wanting. You just can’t let it be known. Not in words, suggestions, actions. Nothing. You know he doesn’t like you the same. You’ve been best friends with him forever but sometimes you feel like you barely know him. Gaps in your knowledge. He doesn’t tell you everything anymore. Not since “Famiglia.” It’s an unspoken thing. But you’re sick and tired of it being so.
You’re always there for Matt. He knows he can always go to you when he’s hurt because of Tony’s fuck ups. He always ends up spending the night with you. You always end up with him snuggling against you, peacefully asleep. You know there’s only so many fuck ups a person can make before the one they hurt snaps. You had a feeling that maybe this was the last time that Matt would take Tony’s bullshit. Maybe he’s going to break like a mirror after a fist flies into it. Maybe you’ll be there to pick up the pieces for him. Maybe he’ll realize that you’ve been there all along waiting for him. Maybe not.
And you know, I’m not one for complaining.
You know that in a few hours, Matt will walk into your apartment with a baggie of weed, and beg that you get high with him. You know that he’s going to end up smoking a lot, while you’ll only smoke a joint or two. You also know that he’s going to try and cuddle with you, and fall asleep burying his face into your chest, as always, when ever this happens. You don’t mind having any physical contact with him, and him being stoned lets you be this close to him, when normally, Matt isn’t the touchy-feely type. You still hope that one day he’ll think of you as more than a friend, though. Maybe, just maybe. You’ve felt this way about him for so long, that it hurts. He wants to know why you have depression problems. Someday you’re going to snap and say, “....and the reason’s standing in your shoes, Matt.” But you know that you don’t have the courage. You wish you did, but you’re so fragile. So so fragile.
You wish you were good enough, but you know you can’t compete with Tony. He’s so good looking, it hurts your eyes. You’re so quiet compared to him, that he’s the brightest star in the sky that blots you out. You wish you had more confidence, self-esteem...hell, you wish you weren’t you if that would make Matt fall for you. You know it’s not like you can magically wake up and become the person Matt Lovato would fall head over heels for. It’s just not possible, and it hurts to think that you’ll never be good enough. You want to be, but you know, at this point, it’s not who you are, it’s what you are, and you can’t change it. It’s how you act, and it’s your appearance. He’s not attracted to you, and you have this gut feeling that your relationship is going to stay strictly platonic forever. Please wait while I shed tears now.
But I love the way you roll excuses of the tip of your tongue
You want to roll your eyes at him, but you know that it’s not going to change anything if you act jealous and callous. You’re in so much pain though. You want him so much. Forget the want part. You love him so much it hurts. You can’t function right. He makes everything a task, since he’s all you can think about. He makes you worry endlessly, even if it’s fruitless, since you know for a fact that he can take care of himself just fine. That’s what kills you. You know he doesn’t need you. You feel useless. Fucking useless and unimportant. It hurts to know that even if you’re his best friend, you don’t matter that much. That you’re expendable. That you’re not nearly so useful to him as you’d like to be. You wouldn’t care if you were his whore. Actually, you’d like that. You’d fucking love it. A man can wish.
You want him so much, but because of it, it makes you fall apart inside. If he ever does have sex with you, it’ll only be because he wants to hurt Tony. Even if it seems that Tony probably wouldn’t care since he fucks everyone in god’s creation. Which would make him a male prostitute except he doesn’t get paid for his sex. He just likes to fuck everyone in sight. Well, not including you. He wouldn’t come near you like that, because Matt would kick his ass. You heard him say this one night when he was really drunk. He was about to say more, but Matt came over to him, and they went to a room to do god knows what.