This one is for Tony...
I've said it a hundred times before, but I'll say it until you believe me...
I'm so sorry for what I did.
You are the only guy who has ever treated me well.The only one who openly loved me without holding back.The only one who cared.
I'll never forget the night I graduated my GED and you were the one to congratulate me. You looked me in my tear filled eyes and told me it was a big accomplishment and that you were proud of me.
And instead of what i would have found in anyone else, in you I found support. You were proud of me when my own mother didn't care.
And when I cried you held me. You consoled me and kissed me. No one had ever done that. no one ever.
You didn't demean me, or hate me for my insecurities, you understood. And you loved me through it.
I hate myself Tony, I hate what I've done.
The truth is I've always loved you and I always will. I will never forget how you loved me.
But I can't live with you hating me. Please forgive me. NEVER have i asked for anyone's forgiveness like this, never have I felt so convicted of wrong. Please believe me. I never lied to you.
All I am is a pathetic broken girl... who loves you.
Pathetic.
I left you for Mikhel's lies, for the most awful person I have ever known.That alone is enough punishment. Facing the fact that I left you for a terrible bastard. But then I am plagued by thoughts of you hurting because of me. And then I have to deal with myself. All three things I can't escape.And the memories of our love.
If in any way you've thought that you've suffered alone, know that I've died many times over for how I was to you.
I never meant for that Tony, I didn't. Forgive me. Even though that's more than I deserve to ask of you. You already gave me more than anyone has...
more than I could have ever hoped for.
I deserve to be hated by you just as much as I hate myself.
But I still love you.
I'm so sorry for what I did.
You are the only guy who has ever treated me well.The only one who openly loved me without holding back.The only one who cared.
I'll never forget the night I graduated my GED and you were the one to congratulate me. You looked me in my tear filled eyes and told me it was a big accomplishment and that you were proud of me.
And instead of what i would have found in anyone else, in you I found support. You were proud of me when my own mother didn't care.
And when I cried you held me. You consoled me and kissed me. No one had ever done that. no one ever.
You didn't demean me, or hate me for my insecurities, you understood. And you loved me through it.
I hate myself Tony, I hate what I've done.
The truth is I've always loved you and I always will. I will never forget how you loved me.
But I can't live with you hating me. Please forgive me. NEVER have i asked for anyone's forgiveness like this, never have I felt so convicted of wrong. Please believe me. I never lied to you.
All I am is a pathetic broken girl... who loves you.
Pathetic.
I left you for Mikhel's lies, for the most awful person I have ever known.That alone is enough punishment. Facing the fact that I left you for a terrible bastard. But then I am plagued by thoughts of you hurting because of me. And then I have to deal with myself. All three things I can't escape.And the memories of our love.
If in any way you've thought that you've suffered alone, know that I've died many times over for how I was to you.
I never meant for that Tony, I didn't. Forgive me. Even though that's more than I deserve to ask of you. You already gave me more than anyone has...
more than I could have ever hoped for.
I deserve to be hated by you just as much as I hate myself.
But I still love you.