fucking too much. i was supposed to go back for summer school but now my parents and doctors want me to stay here b/c of a lot of test results and b/c i od'd on valium after they thought i had terminal cancer for like 3 days lol. like rly i am not kidding hah. the only memory i have of those days is walking a dog and singing a song to my mom? reallllly bad i know. and um.... ive just been through some stuff that is just bleeding me dry, i feel like i suffer for myself and other people animals and every fucking sad thing in the sickest possible way...i don't know how i can really say this....its like when people die i want to be there at there autopsy and weigh their organs im so attached. i have these nightmares with doppelgangers of myself dying and all my emotions are in the detached body that is convulsing and dying while im trying to wake my dead self up with my disembodied screams from FUCK you see i am all fucked up....i have demonic dreams where i have to see my parents killed and i'm abandoned and all this really horrid shit. at the end of the day i can't even take all my fuckin pillz cuz now my parents have a fucking FINGER PRINT safe i kid you NOT!!! i am clean...on my pain pills for my health probs but do not want to be.... just want some one to shoot up with or do drugs with cuz it reminds me of some kind of home i guess....
have you ever heard of anyone so fucked up?
hah no rite
tip of the self degradation ice berg
o and my last bf is dead and im happy about it kind of b/c he beat the shit outta me and how the FUCK DID i let that happen and he stole all my shit and yeah....
ive always been so hahahaha about 'whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger' b/c you can die long before your damned body is dead my dad is sick too.....
so
in the end
h solves everything? lmao oh and a while ago my parents locked me up trainstopping style coming off heroin and methadone before i started seizing and had to go to the hospital for 5 fucking days. that hurt like shit my friend. if you have felt it....ugh my mu opiiate receptors are never going to be empty again. that terrified me in the totally wrong way they were tryin 4.
and um....
ive just been through some stuff that is just bleeding me dry, i feel like i suffer for myself and other people animals and every fucking sad thing in the sickest possible way...i don't know how i can really say this....its like when people die i want to be there at there autopsy and weigh their organs im so attached. i have these nightmares with doppelgangers of myself dying and all my emotions are in the detached body that is convulsing and dying while im trying to wake my dead self up with my disembodied screams from FUCK you see i am all fucked up....i have demonic dreams where i have to see my parents killed and i'm abandoned and all this really horrid shit. at the end of the day i can't even take all my fuckin pillz cuz now my parents have a fucking FINGER PRINT safe i kid you NOT!!! i am clean...on my pain pills for my health probs but do not want to be....
just want some one to shoot up with or do drugs with cuz it reminds me of some kind of home i guess....
have you ever heard of anyone so fucked up?
hah no rite
tip of the self degradation ice berg
o and my last bf is dead and im happy about it kind of b/c he beat the shit outta me and how the FUCK DID i let that happen and he stole all my shit and yeah....
ive always been so hahahaha about 'whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger'
b/c
you can die long before your damned body is dead
my dad is sick too.....
so
in the end
h solves everything? lmao oh and a while ago my parents locked me up trainstopping style coming off heroin and methadone before i started seizing and had to go to the hospital for 5 fucking days. that hurt like shit my friend. if you have felt it....ugh my mu opiiate receptors are never going to be empty again. that terrified me in the totally wrong way they were tryin 4.
:-/
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