June 10th, 10am
For the first time in quite a while, my head is killing me. For a bit there, with the sex and all, I forgot what this addiction was like. Because I didn't have to think about anything.
Except now, as it was bound to happen, I actually have to think about this. About the fact that I've all of a sudden turned into a dirty man slut or something. Which really isn't my style. I should at least ask the woman out or something. Or I have to think about how I'm going to go back to Paris and I'll have alcohol all over the place. I'll have Lucien asking if I want to go for a drink, I'll be living in a city probably swimming in wine. And even with her there, I know it's not going to be easy.
Ironic really, how thinking about the woman I'm not drinking for and how the hell I'm going to manage that at home makes me want that alcohol back.
All of a sudden, everything seems really quite intimidating. I have face the real world without anything between me and it. I have to go talk to my dad without being able to filter him out with a little wine. I think...I think I should at least attempt some kind of relationship here, without the help of alcohol. In fact, drink'd hinder it. It's all very...it scares me.
I never said I wasn't a coward. I am.
But I'm not dumb enough to just let this fester in my head whilst I'm alone.
On another note, some of what goes off amongst the students is disturbing. I mean, I don't really know what has been going off, so it's not my position to comment, but it's all very disquieting. I mean...they're not even adults, you know. And it'd be fucked up for any normal person to do that, let alone some kid.
Hey there. I figured you might be busy...considering how fucked up some things are, but if you get some spare time, I'd like to talk to you today. Please. I..er..well.
Oh, and my dad wants me to visit, but I'm sure you won't mind exploring Paris for a few days, yeah? It's a big city.
The year is hearabouts coming to an end. If anyone cares to return the books I leant them, that'd be most appreciated. I'm also missing one my French ones, but I think that's just more my absentmindedness.
And if anyone needs anything, I'll be around somewhere. I don't think I'm too difficult to find.