(no subject)
what the fuck is wrong with me? and i wasted all this time crying. ugh i hate being a girl. i don't know how my brain works. my body hates me i probably have aids from the tatoo place. i have no doctor either so let's hope i don't really get sick. hah yeah it's been almost 2 weeks time's almost up for the "healthy" time. i'm never heathly. i'll probably die before i'm 30. which would make sense anyways cuz i'm not supposed to be here. but whatever.
why am i so tired. it doesn't matter what i do. how much or how little i sleep or if i exercize or if i rest. and i don't know if it's still mono of if it's something else. i just hate this. i have no control over anything in my life! not my body, not my time, not what i do, not where i go or when i have to be there. nothing. everything else but me tells me what to do. it's like i'm not being me. but that one IS my fault. it feels like.
i need a psychiatrist.
and louis is just so fucking great and that kills me even more. and i feel like a hypocrite and i feel so selfish because all he ever does is think of me and try to make me feel better and i feel like i try to make it even by tking him out but then he feels bad that he doesnt' have money then i feel like i rub it in his face when i'm just trying to be funny. i just love him so much and i don't know what is wrong with me. and it's killing me.
WHY is there always something wrong with me? why can't i just be normal? at least body wise. inside and out?
why am i so tired. it doesn't matter what i do. how much or how little i sleep or if i exercize or if i rest. and i don't know if it's still mono of if it's something else. i just hate this. i have no control over anything in my life! not my body, not my time, not what i do, not where i go or when i have to be there. nothing. everything else but me tells me what to do. it's like i'm not being me. but that one IS my fault. it feels like.
i need a psychiatrist.
and louis is just so fucking great and that kills me even more. and i feel like a hypocrite and i feel so selfish because all he ever does is think of me and try to make me feel better and i feel like i try to make it even by tking him out but then he feels bad that he doesnt' have money then i feel like i rub it in his face when i'm just trying to be funny. i just love him so much and i don't know what is wrong with me. and it's killing me.
WHY is there always something wrong with me? why can't i just be normal? at least body wise. inside and out?