A Message to Sotheby's
I got a confirmation email today that my copy of Ghettopoly will be arriving soon. This is the game made famous by idiots who successfully lobbied the banning of the game due to perceived racist content. Never mind the deleterious nature of most music videos on MTV, or all of the programming on BET, or the hit TV show Cops, or your local news carrier. Apparently a gag gift carried by Urban Outfitters is spreading the seeds of low-self-esteem among black youths, disallowing them to realize their full potential.
Before I am lambasted for ordering this game, I will say that I would not have bought Ghettopoly on the merits of its ability to make my life more fun. I suppose I'll play it at least once, but the game is more importantly a strong addition to my collection of Banned Toys. When it arrives, I will have two items in my collection. The other is called Forward Command Post. A maker of doll houses decided they wanted to make a doll house that could be marketed to boys, and so Forward Command Post was born. It is a regular looking doll house, except for the holes left in the walls by bullet strafing, and the two soldiers (one black, one white, a real United Colors of Benetton moment) poring over maps in the dining room and setting up surface to air missile launchers in the peonies. This is an awesome toy, perhaps the most awesome toy ever created. One day, I will not live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment, and will actually be able to set it up and play with it.
In addition to receiving my confirmation email from the makers of Ghettopoly, there was an article in the New York Times today about a New York based outcry against the Playstation 2 game Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Apparently, there is a section in the game in which you are instructed to "kill all the Haitians." Now the Haitians are angry, and demand that Rockstar Games change it or remove the product from stores. Rockstar Games has allegedly agreed to take out the "kill the Haitians" section in future printings, so now I have to go buy Grand Theft Auto: Vice City for my collection. I will not spend too much time on the subject, but I would like to mention that if the section of the game said "kill all the white people" there would not be any problem.
There is one other toy that I know of that belongs in my collection. It is the Midge doll, produced by the makers of Barbie (Mattel?). Midge is with child. The toy has been banned in America, most likely at the request of people who want little girls to know that being pregnant is the very worst possible thing that could ever happen in a woman's life. But Midge is still sold in Canada (sells quite well, I hear), so I'll have to figure out a way to order it. I have found no evidence that Midge is married, although I think there is some sort of male counterpart who comes with a baby stroller. He's probably named Stephen, a homosexual friend of Midge's who shares her passion for mohair and sex-on-the-beaches.
If you know of any banned toys, please let me know. Also, if you take my idea and start a collection of Banned Toys of your own, I will hunt you down and kill you, and then I will kill your family, and blow up their house, Forward Command Post style.
Before I am lambasted for ordering this game, I will say that I would not have bought Ghettopoly on the merits of its ability to make my life more fun. I suppose I'll play it at least once, but the game is more importantly a strong addition to my collection of Banned Toys. When it arrives, I will have two items in my collection. The other is called Forward Command Post. A maker of doll houses decided they wanted to make a doll house that could be marketed to boys, and so Forward Command Post was born. It is a regular looking doll house, except for the holes left in the walls by bullet strafing, and the two soldiers (one black, one white, a real United Colors of Benetton moment) poring over maps in the dining room and setting up surface to air missile launchers in the peonies. This is an awesome toy, perhaps the most awesome toy ever created. One day, I will not live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment, and will actually be able to set it up and play with it.
In addition to receiving my confirmation email from the makers of Ghettopoly, there was an article in the New York Times today about a New York based outcry against the Playstation 2 game Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Apparently, there is a section in the game in which you are instructed to "kill all the Haitians." Now the Haitians are angry, and demand that Rockstar Games change it or remove the product from stores. Rockstar Games has allegedly agreed to take out the "kill the Haitians" section in future printings, so now I have to go buy Grand Theft Auto: Vice City for my collection. I will not spend too much time on the subject, but I would like to mention that if the section of the game said "kill all the white people" there would not be any problem.
There is one other toy that I know of that belongs in my collection. It is the Midge doll, produced by the makers of Barbie (Mattel?). Midge is with child. The toy has been banned in America, most likely at the request of people who want little girls to know that being pregnant is the very worst possible thing that could ever happen in a woman's life. But Midge is still sold in Canada (sells quite well, I hear), so I'll have to figure out a way to order it. I have found no evidence that Midge is married, although I think there is some sort of male counterpart who comes with a baby stroller. He's probably named Stephen, a homosexual friend of Midge's who shares her passion for mohair and sex-on-the-beaches.
If you know of any banned toys, please let me know. Also, if you take my idea and start a collection of Banned Toys of your own, I will hunt you down and kill you, and then I will kill your family, and blow up their house, Forward Command Post style.