(no subject)
its been weeks now... more than weeks or so it seems... and i just cant seem to shake it off...
i cant shake my mood...ive been kinda sad lately. kinda is sort of an understatement.
ive been meaning to write it somewhere.... in a notebook, on a single sheet of paper, even on the computer but ive yet to find a way to just get everything in correct wording.
what have i been doing with myself?
ever since i decided to leave my place in the music school...ive felt completely empty inside...i mean... i stayed in the Opera... and continued to stay in chorale... but something is just missing
i dont feel like a whole anymore... i mean at least last semester when i was complaining about how much i could not stand singing.... i was thrilled to be complaining...
thrilled to be miserable....
i was sitting through the Rossini tonight...thinking that this is why im here... im here to perform...and just maybe now isnt my time,
ive taken into consideration that im still just really young and have time to figure out what i want...and i think i have... i didnt leave for long because i couldnt stand the way i felt...or feel... parts of me look at my life in prospect...and wonder WHERE WILL I GET MY LEXUS AND LOFT IT DOWNTOWN.... and have all this money and everything i could possibly want in my life...but one thing...the music.
everyone seems so happy with their choices at Moores... talking musician...about everything they are...and everything they want to become and i feel so alone...and outside...
im sorry that i let myself fall last semester...
that i turned into someone else... that i forgot what im really placed on this earth to do.
i guess other things have been bothering me lately as well...im trying to work a job that i simply lack the enjoyment of...working way too much at that... to where im leaving the important things behind..
ive lost contact with all that i cherished... i dont do anything but work and go to school..
when im at school im thinking about working and when im not working im thinking about school thus, not letting me accomplish anything. ive also just been so bombarded with this opera that we've been performing lately.... just completely bombarded..and you know what? thats okay because its the greatest feeling in the world getting out on that stage and just doing what makes you feel the best in the world.
i dont know what ive been so scared of
and why ive kept myself in such denile...
but i really want to sing...
for the rest of my life... no matter how hard the career is... no matter how crazy i get... no matter how moody i am.... no matter the cost...its a priceless feeling to have.
Flight is in a few minutes...so i should go.
i cant shake my mood...ive been kinda sad lately. kinda is sort of an understatement.
ive been meaning to write it somewhere.... in a notebook, on a single sheet of paper, even on the computer but ive yet to find a way to just get everything in correct wording.
what have i been doing with myself?
ever since i decided to leave my place in the music school...ive felt completely empty inside...i mean... i stayed in the Opera... and continued to stay in chorale... but something is just missing
i dont feel like a whole anymore... i mean at least last semester when i was complaining about how much i could not stand singing.... i was thrilled to be complaining...
thrilled to be miserable....
i was sitting through the Rossini tonight...thinking that this is why im here... im here to perform...and just maybe now isnt my time,
ive taken into consideration that im still just really young and have time to figure out what i want...and i think i have... i didnt leave for long because i couldnt stand the way i felt...or feel... parts of me look at my life in prospect...and wonder WHERE WILL I GET MY LEXUS AND LOFT IT DOWNTOWN.... and have all this money and everything i could possibly want in my life...but one thing...the music.
everyone seems so happy with their choices at Moores... talking musician...about everything they are...and everything they want to become and i feel so alone...and outside...
im sorry that i let myself fall last semester...
that i turned into someone else... that i forgot what im really placed on this earth to do.
i guess other things have been bothering me lately as well...im trying to work a job that i simply lack the enjoyment of...working way too much at that... to where im leaving the important things behind..
ive lost contact with all that i cherished... i dont do anything but work and go to school..
when im at school im thinking about working and when im not working im thinking about school thus, not letting me accomplish anything. ive also just been so bombarded with this opera that we've been performing lately.... just completely bombarded..and you know what? thats okay because its the greatest feeling in the world getting out on that stage and just doing what makes you feel the best in the world.
i dont know what ive been so scared of
and why ive kept myself in such denile...
but i really want to sing...
for the rest of my life... no matter how hard the career is... no matter how crazy i get... no matter how moody i am.... no matter the cost...its a priceless feeling to have.
Flight is in a few minutes...so i should go.