(no subject)
so deep in this mind of mine.. i think ive seriously gone insane... within this past week... i think ive secretly gone insane without ANYONE knowing....... well im sure some people can get the effect of my obsession with unhappiness..and my iritability and short fuse... but i dont know... i just... ugh i cant stop thinking about the way i look recently... im so upset at the stupidest things..and yes.. if i was someone else i would call me superficial and all that stuff but seriously... i cannot get over how hideous and gross i think i am.... and i cant look at someone else without wanting to put myself in a hole and die......its beginning to be ridiculous.... i dont know what to do either.... its like..... i went to the mall today.... and just couldnt stand to have people look at me.. does this mean something? maybe i should ask dr ruth... or alice..and abbie..they always knows..i got to the point to where its like...i dont wanna wake up... or look at myself... and that i just wanna sit stay wherever i am... and stay in my ball ive formed.. im not writing this for people to feel sorry for me because having people feel sorry for me doesnt really help my situation now does it?
( i stole that from an article i read recently)
because i can have people tell me that i look fine.. but all i do is still see the same person ive been seeing forever.....
im tired of feeling like i want to vomit...
im also just so dissapointed in the way things turned out... this semester has just taken everything out of me... its just soweird because i felt like NOTHIng happened and i didnt do anything but.. i really did just put myself into a deeper state of unhapiness in the process...
im upset about my jury... and how it didnt go nearly as well as it should have...
how theres nothing special about me, in the field i have chosen to go into...
how i refuse to look at myself these days because im so upset with what i see...
( i stole that from an article i read recently)
because i can have people tell me that i look fine.. but all i do is still see the same person ive been seeing forever.....
im tired of feeling like i want to vomit...
im also just so dissapointed in the way things turned out... this semester has just taken everything out of me... its just soweird because i felt like NOTHIng happened and i didnt do anything but.. i really did just put myself into a deeper state of unhapiness in the process...
im upset about my jury... and how it didnt go nearly as well as it should have...
how theres nothing special about me, in the field i have chosen to go into...
how i refuse to look at myself these days because im so upset with what i see...