This isn't how I thought my life would turn out, and I wonder if it's like this from here on out
So this is how the story went
I met someone by accident
That blew me away
It was in the darkest of my days
When you took my sorrow and you took my pain
And buried them away, you buried them away
And I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
you disappeared one day.
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
So sometimes I really think I should break-up with Ian, it's really not fair that I still sob over Andrew every night. Plus I would hardly call Ian a boyfriend, he is just an excuse for when creepy guys want to ask me out. He scraps the surface of what would be considered a boyfriend, he basically pays for things we when hang out.
I feel like my life fell through on me.
Nothing is the way I wanted it to be.
I had this picture of how my life would play out, a real obtainable goal.
But these days I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, Often times I'm lucky if I have the next week of my life figured out.
It seems like since Andrew left me it's just been one thing after another, just a big domino effect.(Oh! or actually it's more like Jenga... lol, Everything started out together and perfect. he was the first piece that left, and now more and more things are disappearing and leaving holes creating a pathetic barely standing skeleton of what my life is now)
I think if we stayed together I would be going into the program this fall, my grades slipped when we broke up because I was so torn apart, and after that I just couldn't get it right, I lost my soul motivation for school.
By the time I decided to try again it was too late, I already had two semester where I barely passed with a B-.
I feel like a massive loser. I'm almost 22 and all I do with my life is work at Kohls making $8.16 an hour after being there THREE years.
I won't graduate college until 2012, with only an associates degree, while a vast majority of my peers graduated this year with bachelor degrees.
When I'm not working I'm sitting at home alone.
I have almost zero friends, which yes that is partly my fault, I ditched my friends and you can say I had friends and I'm just being picky, but excuse me for wanting friends who don't sexual harass me on a daily basis, talk down to me, tell me that I don't know how to make any decent decisions in my life, and have zero of the same interests as me.
I have a boyfriend who shows little to almost no interest in me, which i guess is fine, I can't say I'm crazy about him all the time either.
I feel like my mind is slipping, for the past two weeks I wake up every morning with no idea what day of the week it is, and am constantly double checking myself through out the day to make sure it is in fact Wednesday or w/e day it is.
I can't remember ANYTHING. I'm constantly forgetting what is going on or what someone said. I find myself at work right in the middle of doing something and I completely forget what I was trying to do. and it's really becoming frustrating, why can't I at least think clearly!?!?!
Idk, this isn't going anywhere, just venting I suppose.
Things have just been harder then normal the past few weeks.
getting accepted for Fall 2010 and not Fall 2009 kinda pushed me over the edge I suppose.
lameness.
I hate being a whiny cry baby, I apologies, I've been trying to keep these things to myself these days.
I met someone by accident
That blew me away
It was in the darkest of my days
When you took my sorrow and you took my pain
And buried them away, you buried them away
And I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
you disappeared one day.
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
So sometimes I really think I should break-up with Ian, it's really not fair that I still sob over Andrew every night. Plus I would hardly call Ian a boyfriend, he is just an excuse for when creepy guys want to ask me out. He scraps the surface of what would be considered a boyfriend, he basically pays for things we when hang out.
I feel like my life fell through on me.
Nothing is the way I wanted it to be.
I had this picture of how my life would play out, a real obtainable goal.
But these days I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, Often times I'm lucky if I have the next week of my life figured out.
It seems like since Andrew left me it's just been one thing after another, just a big domino effect.(Oh! or actually it's more like Jenga... lol, Everything started out together and perfect. he was the first piece that left, and now more and more things are disappearing and leaving holes creating a pathetic barely standing skeleton of what my life is now)
I think if we stayed together I would be going into the program this fall, my grades slipped when we broke up because I was so torn apart, and after that I just couldn't get it right, I lost my soul motivation for school.
By the time I decided to try again it was too late, I already had two semester where I barely passed with a B-.
I feel like a massive loser. I'm almost 22 and all I do with my life is work at Kohls making $8.16 an hour after being there THREE years.
I won't graduate college until 2012, with only an associates degree, while a vast majority of my peers graduated this year with bachelor degrees.
When I'm not working I'm sitting at home alone.
I have almost zero friends, which yes that is partly my fault, I ditched my friends and you can say I had friends and I'm just being picky, but excuse me for wanting friends who don't sexual harass me on a daily basis, talk down to me, tell me that I don't know how to make any decent decisions in my life, and have zero of the same interests as me.
I have a boyfriend who shows little to almost no interest in me, which i guess is fine, I can't say I'm crazy about him all the time either.
I feel like my mind is slipping, for the past two weeks I wake up every morning with no idea what day of the week it is, and am constantly double checking myself through out the day to make sure it is in fact Wednesday or w/e day it is.
I can't remember ANYTHING. I'm constantly forgetting what is going on or what someone said. I find myself at work right in the middle of doing something and I completely forget what I was trying to do. and it's really becoming frustrating, why can't I at least think clearly!?!?!
Idk, this isn't going anywhere, just venting I suppose.
Things have just been harder then normal the past few weeks.
getting accepted for Fall 2010 and not Fall 2009 kinda pushed me over the edge I suppose.
lameness.
I hate being a whiny cry baby, I apologies, I've been trying to keep these things to myself these days.